Roald & Beatrix: The Tail of the Curious Mouse

OWL HOOTS

Beatrix?

Beatrix.

Oh, sorry, darling. I didn't hear you there.

- I'm going up. Are you coming? - I'll be right with you.

SHE SIGHS

CREATURE SQUEAKS

Bloody mice.

NARRATOR (VO): A curious mouse

crept from his room in the house

and knew then that his father had died.

He'd seen this Doctor before

take his sister to the morgue,

and he realised the grown-ups had lied.

For this world wasn't magic

it was often quite tragic.

Not every. mouse lived to grow old.

So while misery. reigned

he'd retreat to his brain

for the tales he wanted to be told.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

DOOR CREAKS SHUT

Ha det, Roald.

Look after Mamma.

Sally!

Sally, come now.

Come on!

PIG SNUFFLES AND SNORTS

SHE GIGGLES

Come on, Sally.

Good girl.

Far too cold outside for ladies of our age, don't you think?

SHE SIGHS

CHILDREN CHATTER

Children. It's time to say goodbye to Papa.

Enough of that! Be quiet at once, do you hear me? Be quiet.

Stay still, damn it! So that I can kill you!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, no.

Fine. Have it your way.

But I'm not giving up

on Christmas dinner that easily, Sago. You'll see.

Oh, don't look at me like that, Tupenny.

That duck's had it coming for weeks.

Not listening!

Oh, do shush, will you.

Happy Christmas, Miss Potter.

It's Mrs Heelis to you, and I'll thank you not to trespass on my property.

Just trying to do something nice for the kiddies at Christmas.

I think I've done my bit for that lot.

Now get off my land, or I'll set my dog on you.

Aw.

For goodness sake, Fleet.

SHE SIGHS Happy Christmas, Miss Potter.

It's Mrs Heelis.

Have you been in?

I see.

No one will make you go in there, Roald.

It's hard, so soon after losing your sister.

Now is our chance for goodbyes

if goodbyes are something you want.

Will you come with me?

Of course.

When we get inside, Papa's in bed

but Roald, it's not really Papa any more.

Understand?

It's just a body.

So if you don't want to see

just close your eyes up, scrunch-tight like this.

OK?

OK.

"Dear Lord and Father of Mankind" by Whittier and Parry

Mrs Dahl, I was wondering if I might have a word

about our route to the church.

Certainly.

Papa?

MUSIC SLOWS

MUSIC GLITCHES

RECORD SCRATCHES - DOOR OPENS

HYMN RESUMES - You, boy!

Keep your filthy hands off the deceased!

RECORD STICKS RECORD SCRATCHES

Beatrix! - Coming.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

I mean, to bury your little girl is one thing

but then to have your husband dead n'all

before a month have even passed.

Well, it's too much for any woman!

It's a cocking tragedy, that's what it is.

Mm.

Money trouble too, I heard.

Never! Who told you that?

You did I think.

Did I? Well, it must be true, then.

I hear she's packing the boy off to school

and heading back to her mother in Norway.

Makes sense. She can't be managing 'em all on her own.

Probably get another stab at marriage

if she manages to park all them brats somewhere.

Wouldn't mind a shot myself.

You never had a problem with seconds have you, Butt?

What can I tell you? I'm a man of huge appetites.

BOTH MEN LAUGH

May I?

No, you may not. She's my mother and you can't have her.

Oh!

GUESTS CHATTER

And clearer now...

- or now? - Now.

I don't appreciate being ambushed, William.

It's not an ambush.

Mr Entwhistle has kindly found time for a house call.

You seem to have accidentally missed your previous appointments.

- Now, or now... - Now

And stopped opening correspondence

and writing letters.

- Now, or now? - Now.

Well that's because, if you hadn't noticed

- I'm writing... I know. You're very busy

not writing a book.

Exactly, and those books don't "not" write themselves, you know.

And clearer now

- or now? - I'm not sure.

SHE HESITATES Now or, possibly now.

I don't know anymore.

SALLY FARTS

Pardon me.

SALLY FARTS AGAIN

MR ENTWHISTLE CLEARS THROAT And, um...

how has your vision been over the last year?

I... I don't know.

Everything's getting a bit foggy on The Fells these days.

Regardless of the weather.

What do you think?

Well there is some clear evidence of age-related macular degeneration.

He means "old lady eyes", doesn't he?

I mean, could it be glaucoma or cataracts?

Hard to say without further examination.

Ideally, I'd need her to come in for further tests...

SHE MOUTHS

But, seeing as you're clearly very, very busy

for the time being...

Oh, God.

You're going to make me wear spectacles, aren't you?

It might help.

I have some temporary ones, if you'd like to try.

I'll consider it. Later.

So, uh... gentlemen

unless there's something else, other than my "age related degeneration"

I'm afraid I really am rather busy.

Thank you, we really do appreciate you coming out all this way

Don't we, Beatrix?

Beatrix.

Yes, most kind.

Sorry, before I go, I couldn't possibly ask for your autograph, could I?

Oh. Do you have children?

Oh, no. Heavens, no. Can't stand the blighters.

Just wanted one for the office.

Pop it up on the wall, celebrity clients type of thing.

We've got a cracking one from Virginia Woolf.

Get him a rabbit card, William.

Oh! That's topping!

Look at that! His little bunny, whiskery face.

That's good That's very good indeed.

You should write one about Peter Rabbit getting spectacles.

Should I?

Yes, um, well, let me know how you get on with the...

SHE SIGHS - Yep. Happy Christmas!

I suppose her bark is worse than her bite, is it?

No. No, it's not.

Thanks all the same.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Mind if I join you?

What are you reading?

Oh, of course. Beatrix Potter again.

You know, I don't think I see your face anymore, boy.

Just this.

ROALD LAUGHS

Perhaps one day you will lower the book and there you will be!

A man, with a gigantics beard. And I will have missed the whole show.

I'll never get a beard. Not ever.

What did he say, Roald?

He said you were sending me away to school

and that you'd go back to Norway without us

and he was going to take you as his wife.

SHE SIGHS

You know what we call men like this in Norway?

"Flott stott bunnhull."

Do you understand?

It means, um...

- "a great, big bottom-hole man". - HE LAUGHS

- Mama! - A great, big saggy bottom hole.

Come on, say it with me.

" Flott stott bunnhull."

Very good. Loud as you can. I mean this.

It's educational.

Flott stort bunnhull.

THEY BOTH LAUGH

The man's a massive twit.

I'm not going back to Norway.