The Vast of Night

You are entering a realm between

clandestine and forgotten,

a slipstream caught between channels,

the secret museum of mankind,

the private library of shadows...

all taking place on a stage forged from mystery

and found only on a frequency caught between logic and myth.

You are entering Paradox Theater.

Tonight's episode, "The Vast of Night."

You and the family headed to the game?

No, just me. Patricia's with the kids over in Hobbs.

Hobbs, huh? Good thing we're not playing them.

Boy, ain't that right.

See you at the game.

I don't want to light my next cigarette, Benny. I got one here that'll do the trick.

Mrs. McBroom's looking for you. Why?

I'm not sure why. I was at supper.

Ingrid's sister was giving you the top to bottom.

No, she wasn't. Oh, yes, she was. In her car.

With Millie when I was walking up.

Great damn dogs, what was that? That's why they were calling.

Make me feel better, Benny. Make me feel better. This is not good.

Arlo's under the stands figuring it out. Last time it happened, it was a squirrel

that had bitten through a wire, but the wire was still in the mouth of the skeleton.

So is this the lights or the electric? We can't roll if it's flickering.

I don't know. I was at supper. How many times you gonna tell me you were at supper?

Now... Sam, what's barn buzzard's buzz, man?

I don't know. It's just blinking in there. Let's plug it in.

I haven't had anything to test it. Let's figure it out.

Come on, plug it in. Okay.

Be careful. If it electrocutes you,

you'll stop growing hair and never get a date.

Oh, tune out, man. Go find Mrs. McBroom.

I will, but I don't like that tone, Sam. If it's blinking when you start recording,

stop recording, or I'll have one of them Buell brothers come beat the water out of you.

Everett. Hey. Mrs. McBroom is looking for you.

Renny, up in the stands with his horn. I know. Benny told me.

- So what does she want? - I don't know. She's just walking around,

asking everybody, "Where's Everett? Have you seen Everett?"

"When's Everett getting here?" That tells me nothing, Renny.

Go sit down with your horn. Matter of fact, give it to me. There's something wrong with it.

I used to play trombone. Everett!

Can I bring you my tape recorder so you can show me how it works?

I don't know what you said, Fay. You sound like a mouse being eaten by a possum.

Renny, give me your horn.

Can I bring you my tape recorder so you can show me how it works?

Yeah, sure, Fay. Renny, now. Great!

Why? Drop it down now, Renny.

You can't hurt it. What am I gonna do, Renny?

What... Drop it down now. Come on. Come on.

Yeah. There. Good boy. Hey, where are you going?

Everett! Everett! Bye, Renny. Bye, Renny.

Arlo told me to bring you down. Why? Where is he? What for? Down where?

He's in the locker. I don't know what he wants. They don't tell me anything.

They don't listen to me. He just said, "Go grab Everett."

I don't know what's going on. I just got here. I'm not gonna be able to help.

I got H.H. at 7:00, so... I know that.

He just doesn't listen to me.

Come tell him for yourself.

I told them to turn the power off during the tornado, but they don't listen to me.

Last time this happened, it was a squirrel that had bitten through the wire.

Squirrel still had the wire in his mouth. Yeah, Benny told me.

And we had a rat gnaw through the scoreboard wire. Did you know that?

No, I did not know that. Uh-huh.

And an owl made his home in the library attic,

so we had all these critter bones laying around the crawl space

where we keep the marching band uniforms. Helen Trank had a bat skull in her pocket.

- Hold it. - Why are you here?

Whoa! No, no, wait. I did that. I did that.

Arlo, get out now! Hold it. Hold it, hold it, hold it.

What's Everett doing here? You told me to bring him down here.

No, I didn't. Yes, you did.

I did not. You told me.

I said bring Emmett down here, not Everett.

Emmett. Emmett. I asked you specifically

if you wanted Everett from the radio.

Emmett doesn't work at the radio? Everett works at the radio.

Arlo, if you don't need me, I'm gonna get back out.

Did Emmett never work at the radio? No, it's just me.

Emmett works at Santa Mira Mills. He's an electrician.

Now, hold on just a minute. Emmett worked at the radio.

Wait, wait, wait. You told me to bring him down here.

Do you want us to record over that last game? And Renny wants his horn back.

I know he does. That's why I took it. Did you get the reel? Because...

Every game use the same reel. It's in the back of the recorder. I'll show you.

Are you gonna give Renny his horn back? If he stops being bad news.

I mean, someone's got to spank his ass.

Oh, Fay, you meant right now? Is that okay?

Uh, can you walk? Yeah.

Just let me look at this for them.

Found it. So we just use the same reel as last time? Same reel each game.

But that's gonna cause some cross talk eventually. Right? I mean, won't it?

Read the Bible, Sam? Yes.

There's your answer. Answer to what?

Answer to everything. But that doesn't...

Yeah, eventually. But no one's gonna buy a tape for every game.

If it's a problem, I'll ask Mr. McKean. Maybe he'll buy you some new ones.

But it's not gonna make a difference now. If power goes out, you stop recording.

I'm not buying another one of those. You said that.

- What's the tale, nightingale? - What's all the fuss? Why you got Renny's horn?

Whoa, what's this? I didn't know you're in band. Why aren't you up there playing?

Oh, I can't do pep band. I work the games

so Ruth can watch them, since Greg made varsity.

Why do you have Renny's horn? 'Cause he needs to be punished for being Renny.

Wait, you're working? What about, uh, Rita Cope or Winifred?

Winifred works nights in San Mirial. Rita Cope quit. She works at Zeb's now.

Okay, so clue me in about this lunch box. This is the Westinghouse?

Yeah, it's the one you told me to get. Ah, where'd you get it?

Montgomery Ward catalog. Play something. What have you recorded?

Well, nothing yet. I mean, I didn't wanna mess anything up.

You haven't recorded anything? No, I didn't wanna mess something up.

You have a brand-new tape recorder. You haven't been curious to push a button?

I've been so curious. I just didn't want to... I'm nervous.

Are there batteries in it? Yes.

Then press record. Pull out the mic.

On the side, are the wheels spinning?

Yes. All right, then talk.

What do I say? Try this.

Raise your right hand. Say, "I'm not now,

nor have I ever been, a member of the Communist Party."

I'm not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the Communist Party.

Around Dodge City and in the territory out west...

There's only one way to handle the spoilers and the killers,

and that's with a US marshal and the smell of gun smoke.

Brought to you by L&M filters. That was good. You want to hear it?

Yes. All right, okay.

Hey, coyotes!

Yeah.

Those guys know me. I'm Everett. I like those guys.

This is Fay Crocker. It's not recording nothing.

I know. It's just, I've never held a microphone before. I'm practicing.

I did not tell you to practice. Told you to shut up. I'm not shutting up.

It's my recorder. That was good. That's how you got to be when we're recording.

That was queen of Cayuga. You 500-Watt Fay.

This is Fay Crocker.

This is Fay Crocker. I have never, up until now, held a microphone.

One way to handle the spoilers and the killers, and that's...

Isn't that a charge? It's a large charge.

Press record. Start going again. Is that how I sound?

Yeah, that's how you sound. That's 100% Cayuga queen. Press record, roll tape.

What are we gonna record? Cool it, Clyde. There's plenty to say. Follow me. Let's go.

I'm here with Fay Crocker, horn player and recording expert at Cayuga High School.

Now, what would you like to tell us about yourself, Fay? Uh...

I don't know. Come on, it's spinning, sister. Let's bake biscuits.

Uh, this is Fay... Wait.

What does that mean? Well, it means to record, make records. You...

You need a cigarette. Everyone smokes with a microphone.

I don't wanna smoke right now. Don't cramp the cool. It's just something to hold.

It's like a prop. It'll make you more confident. Now, give me your horn.

I'm not allowed to let anyone carry my horn. Why?

If it gets dropped, I have to pay for it.

School owns it. No sweat. Let's go.

Uh, bacon, bacon, 940. What is that?

I heard it in a war movie. They don't say "bacon, bacon, 940" during a war.

Well, maybe we're thinking about different wars. No, no, this is not war radio.

You gotta say something buzzin'.

All right, hold it. Walk over there to the Olivers. We'll interview them.

Everett, no! That's... That's a terrible idea. That's not fun at all.

You have to answer questions before we let you into the game.

Well, hello, Everett. Wh... What is this? What's going on?

We're recording interviews. I have Cayuga winning by eight.

- What are your thoughts on the game? - Need a light, Fay?

No, I'm just holding it like people do with microphones.

Ask him a question. I can't. You're making me nervous.

It's just a question. Ask anyone about anything, doesn't matter.

Oh. Did you know that a squirrel bit through the wire in the gym?

- I did not know that. Tonight? - Oh, I knew that.

It wasn't tonight. It was when Clem was still teaching.

Now ask her to tell you more. Tell me more.

It was actually a chipmunk.

A chipmunk. That was it. Hold the mic out to her.

- Tell me more. - I don't know any more.

Ask her what her feelings are on chipmunks.

What's your feelings on chipmunks? Well, they're cute

so long as they stay out of people's cars and houses and hair.

- That was good. Ask her if she wants to hear it. - You wanna hear your biscuit?

What? My biscuit? Yeah, we made a biscuit.

No... It's not called a biscuit. But you said we were baking biscuits.

A recording is not a biscuit. What's this for? Is this going on the air?

No, you're not... What kind of question is that? You tune into the radio

to hear a family talking in their car, while they're eating?

No, I guess not. No, yeah, you don't. No one does.

There's your answer, unfiltered, brought to you by me.

Honey, you are too funny. Where'd you get this bit?

It comes with the recorder. You should try it. All you got to do

is hold the microphone up to your mouth. Hey, Daisy.

You old enough to be going to basketball games? Yes.

I don't know... I think you gotta be at least five years old.

I am five years old. Well, look out now. Good thing for that.

If you weren't, I'd have to take you home and go to bed early.

Have fun at the game. I like your haircut, fuzzy duck.

Thanks for including us. Have a good night. Bye!

- Press record, start talking about something. - What do I say?

Give me your horn. No.

I'm not gonna drop it.

Take the mic out.

Take it out.

Good. Now, what's your favorite subject in school?

Aren't you some big science girl?

Yes. All right. Tell me about science.