The Kangaroo Conspiracy (Die Känguru-Verschwörung)

40 CRUSADERS

SEVEN STORMY DAYS

AN EERIE ISLAND

FULL OF DANGER

AND SECRETS

COMING SOON TO THEATERS

The story so far..

So there’s this, urn, guy

and he has this, urn.

kangaroo move into his apartment.

And this guy

had a crush on h/s neiqhbor.

And his neighbor, urn, she...

Let me do this.

The story so far..

In 1852

in the ruins of AshurbaniaI’s Library

in Nine veh, a 3,000-year-old clay tablet was found.

44 years later, Assyriologist He/n rich Zimmern from Baden

translated the writing on the tablet into German.

On the tablet, the arbiter of wisdom Shaggil-kinam-ubib noted...

If you really look,

you see that people are

by and large, stupid.

That sums things up pretty well.

So, imagine you go to the movies.

The movie starts, but you see nothing

because it’s set in a dark restaurant.

-Okay. -And lye already got a title.

-Blind Date? -Uh, yeah.

You really can’t see anything.

Hey, stop! You want me to do that to you?

Ow! My eye!

-I cant see! I’m blind! -Why exactly is the kangaroo here?

-It just came along. -He needs help.

I don’t need help!

Well, then go ahead.

So...

It really is funny. You cant see anything at all.

If we cant talk on the first date, it’ll be tough.

Isn’t that inevitable? Do your parents still talk to each other?

-My dads dead. -Oh, yeah. Right.

Sorry.

-Bling! -Bling?

-I’m counting your blunders. -Not helpful.

All right, one vegan, one vegetarian, and one with everything.

Enjoy your meal.

-Thank you. -Finally.

How’s yours? Mine’s pretty dry.

Because you’re eating the decorations.

How dumb would it be to have decorations in a dark restaurant?

What are you doing? You cant turn on a flashlight in here.

Thats not a flashlight.

-That is a flashlight. -Dude!

-What are you doing? -I cant see anything.

That’s the point.

-l thought this was a dark restaurant. -Yeah...

I set my mom up on Facebook so she wouldnt be so lonely in Backwood.

But now shes denying climate change.

-My uncle was afraid of chemtrails. -Was?

Yeah, he was always looking up at the sky and got hit by a tram.

-Sorry, of course, that’s not funny. -Well, it kind of is.

Anyway, now my mom keeps sending me Adam Krieger videos.

At first I didn’t take it seriously, but now we just yell at each other.

-I’ve got to go. -Tell the waiter.

Nonsense, I have a great sense of direction.

-Hey! -Sorry, wrong direction.

Please sneak out before the next date.

-Sorry. -I tried to do that today.

Whose dog is running free in here?

TOILETS

We have about 60 seconds. Time to speed date.

What is your favorite book, film, animal,

color, city, country, river, joke?

“Momo’, “The Matrix’, pig, black, Paris, Portugal, Spree,

and the joke: how do you recognize a vegan at a party?

Shell tell you.

Now you.

-Can I... -No.

-. name five each? -No.

WHERE YOU ATE? SPILL DONT STARE

Why is it red if you’re not supposed to push it?

Get out!

-Your table decorations are far too dry! -Dont touch me.

And where’s my flashlight?

-Banned! -III come again... Uh, be back!

Oh, damn it. Screwed up the quote.

Im your uncle...

-. ..father. -Fly, you clowns...

Urn... fools.

III relieve the babysitter.

-What? -I can relieve the babysitter.

You can tell me later where else you got kicked out of.

Three is one too few... urn... too many.

But...

III make it up to you.

Please don’t.

Don’t take it too hard, dude.

Sometimes I get the feeling...

...that life is a sitcom?

A sitcom?

THE KANGAROO

THREE IS ONE TOO FEW

U M. TOO MANY

“Anna Karenina.’

Too pretentious.

How about...

The Magic Mountain.

Lying in the hammock again?

Nope. Not again. Still.

You haven’t even gotten out of your pajamas.

Have you noticed some people seem to have a need

to put the obvious into words?

Which is the better favorite book? In Search of Lost Time?

Or ‘100 Years of Solitude?

Have you even read them?

I... Well, I have them on my bookshelf. That count?

By the way, I’m not talking to you anymore.

I admit, I wasn’t a big help yesterday,

but I bought all the things you like.

Organic eggplant-pomelo soda

licorice wheels,

chips with coriander, and champagne truffles.

I don’t like any of it.

Not any of it?

I hate coriander.

No way she wants to go out with me again.

You have to show her youII lay it on the line for her.

And I know how to do that.

Oh, yeah? How then?

We pull her mom out of the rabbit hole.

A bet?

-What kind of a bet? -If we straighten your mom out...

-Get her to stop denying climate change. -...we go out for dinner again.

-Okay. -In Paris.

In Paris.

-No kangaroo. -Certainly not.

-And you’ll pay. -That’s not...

-You dont have to... -III pay.

-Okay. -And you give me your gaming console.

-That’s optional, of course. -Do it, and you’ll get the console too.

But, Mom!

Don’t worry. Grandma’s a tough cookie. They’re just wasting their time.

-That wouldn’t be new. -No, it wouldn’t.

-And what if you lose? -Then...

III pay for your dinner.

Nice try, but it’ll have to be more.

We dont have anything.

You have a nice big apartment with an old contract.

You mean...

If you lose, then we trade apartments.

Never.

-Agreed. -Are you crazy? Owl

You said I have to lay it on the line.

Its pretty cramped in here, huh?

We’ve got this.

What have I done?

You’ve ruined our lives.

Thats what youve done.

-Shes cleaning. -Pinch me.

Herta, expecting a special visitor?

Havent you heard? Joe is coming back.

Joe who? Our Joe?

-Mighty Joe, the Steppenwoif? -Yes, he’s out of prison.

-Does Maria already know? -No, it’s a surprise.

Who in the hell is Joe?

Maria’s ex.

Last I saw him, he carried my washing machine up to the fourth floor.

Alone.

Hey, Maria.

Hey?

My mother just invited me to an event in Kapenick.

It’d be a good chance to meet her.

THE CLIMATE CONSIPRACY

Have fun.

Youre really going to go on bikes?

I can lend you our van.

No. We can hardly talk of protecting the environment and drive up in that.

-That’s right. -Well...

my bike is broken, but...

I can lend you that.

-It’s Jesus old trailer. -l call it St. Peter.

-You pedal. -No.

We’ll decide that in the manner passed down to us from our ancestors.

So be it.

Hey, bro, five on the kangaroo.

But no well.

No well.

Rock, paper,

scissors.

-He always does paper. Always paper’ -Why?

Because I always think the kangaroo will go for the well.

Yallah.

It’s not a game of chance.

Here you go.

-You shit! -Thanks!

That was my ice cream!

Come on! Go! Faster!

-Faster! Faster! -Faster, you lazy dog!

Faster! Faster! Go, faster!