Silicon Valley

Richard...

do you think if I asked, they would let me visit her?

Jared, she's gonna be okay.

I promise.

That brilliant little idiot.

He found a way around the patent!

It's Hendrick's internet,

but it's not Hendrick's internet!

I will no longer be able to manufacture your boxes.

You see, my company will be manufacturing

a new device that will quickly render yours obsolete.

Did you speak to Laurie about our Series B?

Sort of. - (LAURIE RETCHING)

Nothing is personal with Laurie, all right?

It's what makes her such a great VC.

A term sheet for your Series B.

Congratulations, Richard.

Thank you.

Richard: Wow. That is one expensive bottle.

You guys deserve the best

bottle of champagne they have.

Yeah, all champagne tastes the same to me, so.

I agree, I mean, what's the difference

between good champagne and bad champagne?

About $500.

Guys, come on. Enjoy it.

You're about to close a $30 million series B.

And you don't have to sell any ads

or harvest user data,

which for any other VC in town

would've been a non-starter.

Frankly, I'm surprised that Laurie went for it.

Well, I'm not wild about the idea

of her having two more board seats.

I mean, she did kill Fiona right in front of us.

Listen, don't worry about Laurie, okay?

I'm gonna be your point person on this.

She's got her plate full. She's raising money to recover

from the whole Eklow debacle.

Okay.

So... to you guys.

All right.

Cheers. Cheers.

Richard: Yup, thanks.

All right. I have a dinner meeting

and I kind of feel like a fifth wheel,

so I'm gonna pick up the check, leave you to celebrate.

Congrats again, guys.

Okay.

Jared: Bye.

Well, the only person we don't spend

20 hours a day with just left.

So.

What's new with you guys?

Well, I'm thinking of buying some new bookkeeping software.

All right. I think the only actual way to celebrate

is to spend one waking minute apart, so.

I'm gonna go.

Are you going home? Let's... let's share an Uber.

Oh, well, if you're going that direction,

I'm... I'm driving, so I could drop you.

Dinesh: Hey, Gilfoyle. Wanna play Fortnite?

Oh, hold on, I didn't know we were playing Fortnite.

Yeah, I'll come along.

I would've taken that plate to the sink for you.

Uh, it's okay. I just finished, so.

How was the sandwich I made you? Was it good?

Good condiment blend?

Yeah. It was perfect, thanks.

Richard.

This might be out of line, but...

would you mind telling Jared how much you enjoyed the sandwich?

I'm finding him a little intimidating.

Sure, yeah. Look, I know he can be a little eccentric.

I tend to hold my breath around him.

It's exacerbating my asthma.

Ooh, okay...

Richard, do you have a moment?

You know what? Holden just made me a really good sandwich.

Oh, well, that's nice.

Yeah. Yep.

Did he ask you to mention that to me?

What? No.

Okay. No, he's... he's just great.

Well, "In doing what we ought, we deserve no praise

because it is our duty."

St. Augustine.

So, um...

I've been keeping track of the compute credits

that you gave to Laurie.

And she sold them to Gigglybots

and then Gigglybots sold them to SmashHub.

And they traded hands a few more times,

the price increasing each time until they were

bought by a venture fund in Mountain View.

Okay, uh, so if we wanted to buy them back,

how much would it cost us?

It's $1.6 million.

What? The fuck?

More like that? Yeah.

Danny: So Dinesh, is it true?

Is series B happening?

We all heard it's happening.

Oh, guys, please, you know I can't talk to you

about upper level management stuff.

It's totally happening. Look at his face.

He has the worst poker face.

No. Don't... don't look at my face.

This is great news.

We're all getting big, fat bonuses.

I was a little worried I made a mistake ordering that Tesla.

Sorry, Tesla? What Tesla?

Model S. Same as yours.

I mean, not exactly the same. I ordered the P100D.

Newer model.

It's got longer battery life...

You know what? This is a workplace.

This is not a fucking slumber party, gabbing, gabbing.

And series B is not a done deal.

Despite what my face says, okay?

Don't trust this face.

No one should ever trust this face.

Congrats on the Tesla, Danny.

So excited for you.

Series B, baby!

Fuck Danny.

I mean, I love my Tesla.

It has Insane Mode,

which means it goes zero to 60 in 3.2 seconds,

which is literally insane.

But the Tesla that Danny ordered has Ludicrous Mode,

which means it goes zero to 60 in 2.8 seconds.

So it's gonna take me an entire 0.4 seconds longer to get to 60.

I mean, how would you feel if one of your neighbors

got a tiki head bigger than yours?

Oh, well, when we bought it,

we made sure it was the biggest one they made, so.

You're the biggest tiki head guy in the neighborhood.

I used to be the Tesla guy in the office.

I maxed out my credit cards to be able to afford that thing.

And now that we're getting series B,

any one of these bourgeois new money millennial fucks

can just go out and buy one.

I don't wanna sound selfish,

but sometimes I wish only I made money. You know?

What are we talking about, here?

You want us to launch a cryptocurrency?

I do.

The fact that people are willing to pay many multiples more

for our compute credits than they're worth,

we have an opportunity here.

Worth is relative, Richard.

What do you mean?

Why do people covet

the silly pieces of green cotton paper in their wallets?

It's because we are all sheep.

And we've mutually agreed to endow certain things

with value.

And right now, for some reason,

the market values our credits more than we did.

Gilfoyle, we're not gonna suddenly pivot

and become a digital currency company.

I'm not proposing a pivot.

I'm proposing that we sell digital currency

as a way to finance our new Internet company.

You wanted an alternative to Laurie Bream.

Well, it's right here in front of you.

PiedPiperCoin.

Okay, look, I...

I'm not gonna bet the entire future

of my new Internet and everything I've worked for

on becoming the next Bitcoin.

You really expect me to do that?

There are very few things that I will defend with true passion:

Medical marijuana,

the biblical Satan as a metaphor for rebellion against tyranny,

and mother fucking Goddamn cryptocurrency.

Mmm.

I have a PowerPoint that I've been wanting to show you for some time.

Gavin: Walk me through this.

We can't make our boxes in China

because Yao has threatened

every manufacturer in the country.

That's right.

We can't afford Bangladesh,

because the workers have unionized.

Sadly, correct.

And we can't use our place in Laos,

because one person gets her scalp ripped off

and suddenly, everyone's screaming regulations.

Yes.

You know, you hear a lot of chatter

about the growth of the global economy,

but no one wants to talk about the downside.

Gavin, there is one other manufacturing option we haven't discussed yet,

which considering the current circumstances,

might be worth consideration.

I'm open to anything.

America.

Fuck you.