Selfie Dad

I love doing comedy.

I was doing a show, at, uh, Hermosa Beach

at the Comedy and Magic Club, right?

So I leave, I leave and I'm walking to my car

and it's getting a little cold, a little dark outside,

so I'm thinking, "Let me hurry up to get to where I need

to be," so I start jogging.

Then this white lady with her little jogging outfit on

came around the corner about 20 feet in front of me.

We're jogging in the same direction now.

Then she looked back.

She started jogging faster.

So I looked back, too.

Now, I didn't see anything back there.

I could've easily passed her up,

but I'm thinking, "No, I can't just leave

"this defenseless lady out here by herself.

Whoever back there gonna get her."

So I yelled up to her,

"Is that as fast as you can run?"

Ladies and gentlemen, Ben Marcus.

See? I told you he was good.

Yeah, you're right. He had potential.

- Why'd he give it up? - We'll get to that.

But right now there's something bigger at stake.

No way. Is he gonna jump off that bridge over a dumb $8,000?

That's a different movie.

And eight grand was a lot of money in 1946.

That's true. What's his deal?

He's still living in the past, living for himself.

He doesn't even see that his family's slipping away.

Wow. They seem fine.

I mean, they're together. They go to church.

- What's so bad? - Looks can be deceiving,

even for church families.

The bottom line is that if Ben doesn't start taking

God's Word seriously,

- he's gonna end up like his dad. - Mm.

Wait a minute, uh, what happened to his dad?

- Here, just watch. - Over here?

- Over there. - Oh.

Come on, Ben.

We're gonna be late.

What did you spend $48 on at Kohl's?

Hannah.

She needed new shoes for her play.

She got a hundred pair of shoes.

She needed special ones. She's in Grease.

Set in the '50s.

- Jack, come eat. - 'Kay.

If it's set in the '50s, shoes were, like, 80 cents.

Give her a dollar.

- She can keep the change. - Whatever.

Look, her last show is on the 12th, and we are all going.

Jack, come eat.

- 'Kay. - Hey.

How you doing, $48?

Did I do something wrong?

No. Dad's just in one of his moods.

Jack, ven a comer ahora, por favor.

'Kay.

Okay, look, hear me out.

Um, can she at least wear these shoes with all of her clothes?

You are such a tonto.

You know, get over the shoes.

Maybe help around the house today.

Like, uh, the downstairs toilet.

It's making a weird sound.

And,

apparently,

spraying water as well.

All my life,

I've had to fight.

Good morning, Kim.

Ben, hey, congrats.

Oh, thanks a lot. Thank you.

Three in a row. You must be excited.

Whoa. I don't know if I could be more excited, Kim.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the first three-time nominee for Best Reality Show Editing.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks a lot. Appreciate it.

- Thank you. - What'd Jesse say about it?

Yeah, Jesse, Jesse.

- Yeah... - You didn't tell her, did you?

Uh, well, you know, I kind of... I mimed it to her,

- kind of. - What is with you? And I thought about this.

I want you to go to the ceremony this year.

Ceremony? You getting married again?

- I don't know what you're talking about. - I'm serious, Ben.

It's great for the show if you represent.

- I want you to go. - Uh, I don't think so.

We did conform the begonia footage, right?

- It's on there, yeah. - Cool.

You can take the kids.

Let me explain about ceremonies

to you, especially award show.

If they win, I'm a loser.

If I win, I'm surrounded by losers.

Well, at least tell me you'll think about it.

You know what, uh, I will think about it.

- Okay. - Hey, let me ask you a question.

How do you spell "no"?

Ben, look, I just hope you reconsider.

'Cause you've earned this. You might win.

Rosie might not realize she's working with the best editor.

But as your producer, I know she is.

This is so wack.

I appreciate that, man.

What time does Rosie get in?

She's here, already. Okay?

There's no time for coffee.

Oh, I love this soil.

I could just roll around in this.

It's not too sticky,

not too sandy.

It is just right.

Lord, I might just go take a bath in it.

This is my little perennial family.

They're gonna go dormant on you.

But don't let that worry you.

Don't you worry. Are you worried?

I don't think you are.

And I'm gonna tell you why you're not worried

in just one minute.

We'll be right back.

Thoughts?

I like it.

It's much better. Great tease.

Yeah, man. So, what I figured I would do is I would contrast...

I know what you're trying to do, what you think you're doing.

But you cannot contrast perennials

if you haven't shown any annuals.

- You're right. You're comp... - No. You don't know the difference.

- Rosie. - Yeah, I do. - No.

No, you don't. You do not.

There's no way that you can.

Now, we need to get this right.

- You're so right. I don't know what I was thinking. - Yes.

So, um, let's get it right.

Um...

Uh...

What's wrong?

It's frozen.

Well, then unfreeze it.

It's a technical thing, Rosie. He can't do it from here.

- Texting Mickey right now. - Take an early lunch today.

Oh, yes. Yes, let's just eat lunch.

Let's buy everybody lunch. Why don't we do that?

Let's just go in the hole, buying lunches for people.

You're doing such a fine job.

"You're doing such a fine job."

78, seventy...

107.

What up, Pastor?

Not a pastor yet.

So, what's going on?

Man,

thing keeps freezing up.

It's stuttering, man.

So, how long has it been freezing up?

Ah, it's been, like, a week.

Oh, I got you.

Oh, man.

One more class, and then I get to graduate.

Congratulations. That's awesome.

Got to just finish my, uh, senior thesis.

Oh. Yeah.

That's gonna be a lot of fun, probably.

No, it's cool. I actually, uh...

finally picked a topic.

Okay, what'd you pick?

You need to read the Bible.

That's what I'm calling my paper.

Oh. Yeah, that's a good one, man.

I'm focusing on men.

You know, how when we study and read the Word,

it... gets into our hearts,

it affects our families.

It's powerful, man.

Really?

Yeah.

Really.

And people need to know that. Amen.