Young Hyacinth

Hyacinth? Yes, ma'am?

My husband is debauched, Hyacinth.

Yes, ma'am. She lies through her

Debauched. I like it.

Yes, it's a good word.

I wonder what it means.

He's a lecher, Hyacinth.

Mummy warned me!

Her mother is delusional, Hyacinth.

Picture a vast bosom,

You have to admire the way the

I shall tell daddy and make daddy

Yes, ma'am. (That doesn't go with

This is "the swine" speaking,

She's been at the gin again, can

Yes, sir. Ignore him, Hyacinth.

Yes, ma'am. Don't ever marry,

Stay free.

Life's a bitch, Hyacinth, and it's

How dare you.

Kiss me, damn you.

No! I can taste her.

Will you please hide the gin,

There he goes. Off to his floozies.

I shall kill him, Hyacinth.

Knife, I think.

Poison is so impersonal.

Yes, ma'am. "Impersonal".

I can use impersonal.

Must remember impersonal.

Whoops-a-buttercup.

We're here again. It must be fate.

Oh!

'When I'm married, with a home of my

'shades, hints of broderie anglaise,

'he can have his own room.

'Which I'm sure is more hygienic,

Is that daddy on the floor in drink

No, if anyone enquires, it's all

Daddy, why are you lying there?

It's so impersonal.

Has anyone seen you? Did you explain

wrong to leave the shrapnel in?

Are you using your breath mints?

Argh, the aliens have landed!

I will NOT take you to my leader.

Daddy! Why are you lying here?

What about the dress code of the

Is this the posture of a sales

I don't suppose you could see your

No more this week.

There is a terrible shortage of cash

You have to learn to live on your

Oh, it's a terrible job, child.

Scarcely better than manual labour.

Nonsense. You're a sales executive.

Today I sold a pack of Wonder

Well done, Daddy.

You'll soon be managerial.

New family size.

Not Mrs Harrison, she was a very

I was thinking, you girls need a

We don't need one that's married

Besides, you promised mummy you'd

No, I didn't. I never married your

Don't ever say that!

Remember, you've been so forgetful

Repeat after me,

Twice, but not to me.

You're delirious, Daddy.

I can smell it from here.

I think I'm in love with Mrs

With Mummy's memory!

I tell everyone how devoted you

She ran off with a Yank! You were

She was killed in the Blitz.

She was often bombed, I'll give you

No problem, love. Say hello to

Oh, pack it in, our Rose!

If our Hyacinth catches you,

Let him breathe, for goodness' sake!

It's not my bike.

I hate bikes.

It's just that it's so worth the

Eric and I were merely exercising

Oh, you've got an Eric now?

Don't you think he looks like

- No. - Everybody says that.

What happened to George?

Oh, too shallow. And he's got a

Since yesterday?

Maybe it's a wig. You never

I was blinded by his Norton

When you're on the pillion you can

His front came as quite a shock.

Give over! You seen more front than

I think it's a vocation.

BELL TRINGS

Looks like Father's "wobbly" again!

It's his war wound!

Daisy, why are you wearing Daddy's

Because it's me that's opening and

While he takes on a second job to

You look like the opposite sex.

I like that look. Help Daddy

Not well? He's plastered.

If anyone enquires, it's his war

This family does not overindulge in

So what is he wearing that loopy

I'm in love with a Mrs Harrison.

No, he isn't. I expect she reminds

And how long has it been

You've been talking posher and

Respectable people call their

You hear nice things about sugar

Not from me, you don't.

Sugar daddies?

Your mother had one of them until

I'm sure she didn't. Before my time.

The way she looked when I met her,

He's wandering again, help me get

Wandering? He's out of his bonnet!

They left the shrapnel in!

That's too much make-up, Rose.

Oh, um... There we go.

I wish she'd find more to do with

She doesn't believe in more before

I think that's weird, don't you?

How's Gary?

- He's got headache. - I'm not

There is something magical waiting

Where's Daddy?

I've had it in the oven on slow all

The evening meal, Daisy, is known as

WATER PIPES JUDDER VIOLENTLY

But we were raised tea.

And now I'm raising us better.

Oh!

This house!

Where's the thing for under this

What have we got that's useless for

That man has two jobs.

And I'm doing one of them while he's

Show a little sympathy for his

The war's been over for years.

Not for Daddy. He still feels the

Well, he spends most of his time not

So, what happened to dinner at

It's called lunch. Whatever it's

As soon as Violet gets here.

Oh, I can hear a car. That'll be

Her employer, giving her a lift

A married man? I don't like it.

What would Mummy have said?

According to Father, it was usually

It's quite clear to me, Daisy, that

and it goes without saying, highly

He says she was anybody's!

If anyone asks, Mummy was a tower of

She made her own jam.

Why is Violet still out there?

Chatting? I knew it.

Your sister's inches away from shame

Our Violet knows how to look after

I don't trust men with moustaches.

Imagine one inside your best

Who's got best china?

Oh, it's waiting for me in my

Look at him smiling at her.

Do you think they've come straight

Our Violet? Mm, she doesn't talk to

What makes her think she's superior?

I'm the one that uses words like

What we looking at? Your sister's

Oh, she'll have to get closer than

Look! He's waving at her! That's not

Ooh!

Ooh, that reminds me, must write

Who left this here?

What? You're later than usual, in

Don't start.

What's for tea? Dinner!

And why are you wearing your skirt

It's not shorter.

Then your legs have grown since

Dangerous earrings?

They're not fit for work.

They're saying, "I'm up for

Oh, I could use a pair.

Get your own, you're not borrowing

I hope he brought you straight home.

We were late leaving.

Mr Cartwright can't drop everything

You don't sell farm machinery

Oh, it's "Mr Cartwright" now, is it?

It's always been Mr Cartwright.

The way you say it, it sounds like,

And how long has he had that

How do I know how long he's had

You're in moustache denial.