DeadTectives

Guys, we're hot!

Getting a 3.2 on the EMF.

There's an 80% chance of a violent, free-floating, spectral apparition.

I know you're there.

I demand you come forward.

Getting a four. No, wait, a five.

Oh, bro, this is way not good.

Sam: There's no hiding from us.

Make yourself known!

Deep Voice: Go away!

The entity's passing through me!

Me, too. It's totally inside me.

So did the fellas find anything?

Um... still investigating.

Sam: Press forward!

- - Sam: There.

By the oven.

It's coming towards us.

It's about to charge.

Deep Voice: Leave or die!

Boys, brace yourselves.

It's attacking us.

Right now!

- Oh. -

Lloyd, do you remember our little chat?

- Yeah. - When you agreed to stick to my script.

Totally, but the thing is--

Well, the script says haunted oven.

There's nothing about a book!

But 16 confirmed cases of ghost on book action, bro.

I mean, zero ovens.

No one cares, pendejo.

Now rig the goddamn oven. Shit!

See! Authenticity, bros.

- Right. - This is it!

- Oh, no, no. - I'm sick and tired of this!

Solved every one so far.

Bless 'em.

I'm just glad y'all here to save me this time.

- Lloyd: But ghosts hate ovens. - Yeah, but all that matters

- is we scare the shit of the old lady. - Exactly.

Guys.

Don't you dare take Lloyd's side.

Lloyd: Truth will set you free, bro.

- She's petrified back there. - Sweet!

But we're gonna fix that by actually helping her.

No more lies. Just some good old-fashioned truth.

Yes, exactly what I've been saying!

- It's time we started hunting real ghosts. - Lloyd.

- That's not at all what I-- - Super idea, Kate. Then we'll get canceled,

and Lloyd will be an unemployed pendejo.

- Hey! - Right. Javi, settle.

- I can handle this. - Wha--

I don't need handling.

It's exactly what I was telling you.

Listen, Sam--

We shouldn't do this at work.

Hey.

Reception caterer booked.

- Gianni's? How? - Yep.

- Anything for you. - Oh, perfect.

Let's help Ethel.

What? As our ratings sink even lower?

That's really all you care about?

Javier: Abso-freaking-lutely!

So, still need to make some modifications.

- All right. - Similar to the ones I added to the EMF,

incidentally, but since we're tracking real spirits now,

- I'm thinking that-- -

Give your brother a chance. He's trying to impress you.

- Mm-hmm. - Aww. Not working!

Let's shoot my script.

Let's do this one right like we used to.

- Kate! - We used to just debunk all this nonsense.

And we almost got canceled because of it.

Ethel is scared.

She believes in you, Sam.

I need to believe, too, or--

Or what?

Hey!

Can we speed this up?

I really need to pee.

Sam: Thanks for braving this with us, Ethel.

Now you've recently experienced

what you refer to as evil sensations

in this establishment.

Something's eyeballing me.

Something horrible.

Go on, Sam. Just tell her.

Yes.

Well, after our very thorough...

...investigation,

we have concluded

that there are no--

That there are no...

- No... - Ethel: There are no what? Tell me, please!

Kate: Sam.

Say something.

We try to lead honest lives, don't we?

- Mm-hmm. - Do right by the ones we love.

Sometimes, for reasons that we know are truly necessary

- and right, - Oh, no.

well...

there is an angry and vengeful spirit in this room!

- - Yes!

Somebody who taught you to bake a long time ago.

Your-- Your-- Your-- Your gran-- grandmother?

Oh, good Granny Mable.

Mable, yes. She is furious about these cupcakes!

Grandma. Cupcakes. Got it.

- Put it back on. - Kate said no.

What are you doing? Stop it!

Deep Voice: Get out of here, jerk-off!

- Who is that? -

It came from that picture! Lloyd.

- -

Sorry.

Holy shit!

It's a 6.3!

Stop it! She's freaking out!

- Stop it, Granny! I am here to help. - No!

- Really? - Just tell us, tell us what you want.

Sam: Come on, Granny!

I demand you tell me right now!

Granny thinks you're being a pushy--

Little bitch.

Javier: She's stealing her grandmother's recipe.

- Oh, Granny's telling me something. - Kate: No, Sam!

- Tell her the truth! - The perra'sa thief!

I can't hear with all your voices!

Voices? How many are there?

Just Grandma.

She's saying...

your recipe or Granny Mable's?

How could you know that?

Just stop the thieving. Tell her, Granny!

Javier: Just do it!

This is lame.

Deep Voice: I quit!

Quit? Quit what?

Javier: i¡Puta madre!

Deep Voice: Letting you steal cupcakes!

I'll stop, Granny.

- Yeah. - I'll stop stealing the recipe.

I am proud of you, Ethel.

Her spirit is now free.

- Ooh! - Another case solved!

Ethel: Thank you!

- Thank you! Thank you! - We're gonna need a new intern.

- Thank you! - Sam: No, Ethel, thank you.

Best show yet.

Worst shit pile I've ever seen!

Grandmas. Cupcakes.

Have you lost your freaking minds?

Diet Dew has dropped us. Now Red Bull is threatening.

- Woman: Doritos, line four. - Shit!

Not after the season finale that I've whipped up.

Resort in South Beach,

owner thinks his dead cat haunts...

- the hot tub. - Yeah, okay.

Um, well, Sam, the network is canceling you.

Yeah, they feel like you've lost your edge,

and they want out.

We have got one episode to save my skin.

So, send in what's-her-tits, please.

Javier: Quiet! I can't hear this prick.

Step aside, cabron.

Flight to Mexico City leaves at 7 AM sharp.

Do not be late. SeñoraSanchez-Bello will meet us

- in Tabasco at 11:30-- Yeah? - Excuse me, lady.

I think you've got the wrong room.

Excuse you. Abril here has cooked up the finale

that's gonna save my balls.

Little house down in México

where some real sicko shit went down.

Uh, Mexico?

Sorry, who the hell's... Abril?

Are we gonna have a problem, puta?

Abril's your new producer for the finale.

Yeah, Kate here's jumping ship to another ship.

No, literally. She's leaving you for "Whale Wars."

So, Abril's got the reins now.

You're leaving?

For "Whale Wars"?

- To help people. - Whales.

- Anything! - We just helped the old lady!

She's closing her shop because of us.

And living a guilt-free life!

Which is exactly why I need to leave.

Kate.

Look, not all married couples work together.

- Maybe this will be better for us. - Javier: Yep.

Six months in a boat surrounded by seamen.

Yeah, you guys are gonna be fine.

And you're insane if you think I'm going back to Mexico!

You realize what I had to do to get out of there?

- Aw, then you're fired. - Both: What?

Latin viewership is lighting up the ratings,

and our only Mexican pretends he's not Mexican?

So he's out. But what's in?