Family Guy

You guys know what this meeting's about?

- No idea. - How about you, Morning Breath Mike?

I have no idea.

Listen up, everyone.

Sales are down across the board,

but mostly we're failing to connect

with a group called "millennials."

I saw this guy cry one time.

To learn more about our target demographic,

we're all gonna watch this instructional video.

News on the March

Millennials. Who are they? What do the want?

A millennial can be defined

as anyone born between 1982 and 2000.

Or anyone who thinks loving sriracha or Austin, Texas,

counts as a personality.

Millennials crave things like:

Instant gratification,

authentic experiences,

and, for some reason we haven't figured out yet,

improv comedy.

Here's one millennial who has a parakeet

with nine million followers on Snapchat.

Here's another who singlehandedly started

the hashtags that cancelled 12 network TV shows

she found offensive.

And now I'm told she identifies as a man,

so I'm being fired.

Hello. I'm your new announcer.

And actually, he was just about done.

Thank you and good day.

So please welcome someone who's gonna help us reach millennials,

our new head of social media, Hammer.

Oh. He just group-texted us "hello."

And now here comes a text

from the guy who doesn't know this is a group text.

"Nice to meet you, Hammer. Let's have lunch later,

and I'll tell you who's gay."

Right on. 'Sup? I'm Hammer.

Uh, first I'd like to not thank you for hiring me,

because I just expect good things to happen to me

without working for them.

Second, I'd like to give you all a list of my trigger warnings.

What's a trigger warning?

Actually, brah, asking me what a trigger warning is

is one of my triggers, brah.

I feel traumatized, brah.

And now I'm tweeting about you, brah.

And now you're trending, brah.

And now your life is ruined, brah.

And now you're fired, brah.

What... what happened to Brah?

Also, the lack of diversity here is horrifying, brah.

Uh, Brah is gone.

Now, if we want to get some social media attention,

we got to start with a group selfie.

Um, excuse me. Didn't Ellen do this, like, three years ago?

Hey, does Taye Diggs follow you on Twitter?

No, but Kraft Singles does.

That's what I thought.

And... posted.

Do you know what I just did? I just made you all viral.

Also, my band is playing tonight at an inconvenient time.

It's six un-showered guys and a pale woman with a ukulele

shouting "Hey!" in unison.

Because that's what music is now.

What is this? They just keep saying "hey."

I know. It's my favorite song.

Oh, 'cause "hay" is for horses.

Hey, guys. You want to have a smoke break?

What? We can't smoke inside.

It's not smoking, Peter. It's vaping.

Everyone's doing it... Even Darth Vaper.

I find your lack of vape disturbing.

Come on, Peter, give it a shot.

What happened? All of a sudden

I feel like I know better than everyone else!

That's because anytime someone walks through a cloud

of vape smoke, a millennial is born.

I think I feel it!

Broad City is so funny.

No, Broad City is genius.

No, no. Broad City is everything!

There it is. Grossly exaggerating

the quality of a just-okay TV show.

Peter, you're officially a millennial.

Hey, you want a ride in the Millennial Falcon?

Ah, look at that... We found another one!

Peter, a rite of passage for any millennial

is attending Coachella.

It's a great place to see bands

that are either really new or really old.

- Which one should we see? - Well, on the main stage,

it's Tame Impala that formed in an UberPOOL on the way here.

And on the side stage, it's "Neil Young asleep"

in front of the television."

I always get him confused with Bloom County's Bill the Cat.

Peter, you're doing great as a millennial.

Next thing is you got to learn how to be on Fleek.

"On fleek"? People still say "on fleek"?

No, Peter, that's not what I meant.

I want you on Fleek.

This is Fleek.

Oh, can I ride him?!

Sure, Peter. Get on Fleek.

Yay!

Our country's involved in six different wars,

but millennials think about this stuff.

Remember, Peter, never walk anywhere

when you can ride something weird instead.

What's that? Sorry, I was taking a selfie

while shooting a Snapchat while Periscoping that Snapchat

while Instagramming latte art while Shazaming The Weekend

while streaming Master of None while retweeting George Takei

while saying, "This wins the Internet!"

Hammer?

Hammer? Come on, man, don't make me look up from my phone.

Oh, you're texting me.

Oh, no! Hammer!

You! Call 911!

You! Give me your shirt to make a tourniquet!

You! Snap a pic. Clarendon filter. Clarendon!

Hammer, stay with me, buddy.

Peter, if I die,

chop my body up and serve me as street tacos.

So selfless.

No! I won't let you be made into tacos!

Peter... it's-it's too late.

Listen, I've got this idea for a business, and...

I want you to have it.

It's artisanal.

A-Artisanal...

Artisanal what? Is it pretzels?

Is it artisanal pretzels?!

Has that been done?

Does anyone know if artisanal pretzels is a thing?

It seems so obvious, yet I don't think I've ever seen them.

I better do millennial CPR.

One... ugh, whatever...

Two... ugh, whatever...

Three... ugh, I'm gonna let my parents take care of this.

I've never been to a millennial funeral.

Yeah, it seems in poor taste that they hired Keyboard Cat.

Assembled congregants,

no worries to you.

And also to you.

Let us tweet.

Peter, why is he naked in there?

It's an environmental statement.

Lois, please stop looking at my dead friend's dong.

Listen, I made breakfast and drove,

so if there's a dead dong, I'm gonna look at it!

We've all lost a great friend-slash-barista-

slash-deejay-

slash-Genius Bar employee-

slash-person with a yellow highlighter

at the Best Buy exit.

And now a reading from the book of JustJared.

"Death be the ultimate fail."

Peter, I hate to do this here,

but you were good friends with Hammer,

and business at the brewery must go on.

That's why, as of today,

I'm making you head of social media.

Hey, whatever you want. I'm a team player.

I was even one of the 300.

Hey, does 299 work?

'Cause I got to go diarrhea off the cliff.

We now return to Marvel's The Offenders.

Good morning, you see.

I gathered you all together... Kevin Spacey,

Roman Polanski...

Hey, hey, hey...

Woody Allen, Steven Seagal,

Matt Lauer with the Pudding Pop,

Brett Ratner,

and you, lesser-known offender James Toback.

Don't forget me!

Harvey shower!

I-I... I-Is Matt Damon coming?

No, but he knows about all of us.

He's very aware of what's going on here, you see.

All right, guys, I got to come up with some social media ideas

for the brewery. What do ya got?

Oh, you want viral? You asked the right guy.

You remember Leeroy Jenkins?

- Yeah. - Right.

- What do you mean, "right"? - You know, Leeroy Jenkins.

- What about him? - Do that.

Joe, you can't... That already happened.

Do it again. This time with beer.

Hang on a sec.

- Thank you. - How about some fruit in the beer?

No, guys, we need social media-specific plans

to reach a younger audience.

You remember "Charlie Bit My Finger"?

Do that.

You know what? I give up. We've given this...

what, almost a minute?

Peter, that's the problem with kids today...