Alfred Hitchcock Presents

Oh, good evening.

I bring good news to those of you who are plagued with faulty television sets.

I am prepared to repair your set.

It only stands to reason more can be accomplished

working from the inside-out, than from the outside-in.

Let's see. Perhaps I should tighten this a bit.

On second thought, it looked very good the way it was.

Oh, here's the trouble. We can't have loose wires hanging around.

Tonight's playlet is called "The Percentage",

and it's about a professional hoodlum named Big Eddie,

who meets up with a television repair man.

As you see, it has exciting prospects.

Someone has sent me the bird.

But let's go on with the show.

Perhaps we should get some ideas from the repairman in the story.

I phoned that shop over an hour ago.

Oh, keep your shirt on.

Hundreds of TV repair shops in Manhattan, and you phone for one way out in Queens.

So?

So how dumb do you think I am?

I don't know what you're talking about.

No? I'm talking how this set was working fine until you began fiddling with it.

Then, bingo, it goes on the blink.

Next thing, you phone for a repair man miles and miles away in Queens.

Shut up.

Okay, I'll shut up.

Hey, stop frowning.

Maybe I have reasons.

You got reasons? For instance?

Ain't I good to you?

Yeah, you're good to me.

Then what's wrong?

Eddie, you just not in this world.

Talking to yourself all the time, and drinking too much.

Getting those dizzy spells.

Something's going on inside of you. And it's been going on for a long, long while.

You're eating sawdust. I'm okay.

That's the repairman now. He'll fix that TV set in a jiffy.

Leave us alone, baby.

Okay.

Hi, Sarge.

Pete, how's the boy? Put it there. Come on in.

You don't seem surprised to see me.

The minute the boss gave me the call, I knew it was you.

I read in the papers how you lived here. You're a famous guy.

I even saw you on television during that anti-crime committee thing.

How did I look?

Best dressed guy in the room.

Oh, there it is.

Say, isn't it a coincidence you calling our shop way out in Queens to do a repair job?

It was no coincidence. I wanted to see you. I've been looking for you for years.

Yeah?

I even hired detectives.

No kidding.

I couldn't find you. You sure did drop out of sight.

How was I to know you'd changed your name from Wyzonski to Williams?

It's easier for business.

Say, this is some place you got here.

Yeah, this is... This is real fancy.

Boy, you really got it made.

I said leave us alone.

I need a cigarette.

Meet Pete. This is Faye.

Hi.

A pleasure.

You acquainted with Eddie?

Look, go inside and...

And jump in the lake.

How long have you known Eddie?

We were in Korea together.

Thanks.

Oh, by the way, it's just a tube. Eddie broke it himself on purpose.

Did you think you fooled me?

That dame's too smart.

Sure nice.

Say, you went to a lot of trouble finding me. Why?

Do you know what I owe you?

Oh, sure. This visit here will set you back five bucks,

and the tube, if that's what it is, will cost another buck.

Leave that set alone.

Tell me what I owe you. Name it.

I don't dig you.

Boy, you really did bust this tube.

Say it.

Huh?

Go on, say I was a coward.

Say I was the kind of sergeant that went chicken.

Say I got scared and ran away. Go on. Say it. Say you covered up for me.

So it's that patrol that's bugging you?

Forget it. I haven't thought about that in years.

I've never forgotten, not for one day.

You think I could forget how you kept them from knowing I was chicken?

Look, so for a minute you went chicken. We all could have.

All of us was gonna get killed if somebody didn't do something. So I knocked you out.

But the patrol came through okay. So what's the difference?

I got the credit.

What's wrong with that?

I don't like it that way.

Hey, what's the matter?

Just dizzy for a minute. It'll go away.

I've been getting them spells ever since this whole thing started.

Trying to find you, so I could fix the percentage.

I wanna pay you for shutting up, for saving my life.

Pay me?

How much you make a week?

Pretty good.

How much is pretty good?

$110 a week.

Don't make me laugh.

$110 suits me fine.

I say it's peanuts. You got a wife?

The best.

Don't she want a fur coat, a new car, a nice house?

You think a woman's happy to spend her life cooking and washing your socks?

I want to make you rich, so you can buy your wife everything she wants.

It's certainly a temptation, Sarge.

Stop calling me Sarge.

Look, Eddie. I can't let you hand me a lot of dough.

I owe it to you.

You don't owe me nothing.

The whole thing's screwy, it's not even worth discussing.

There, now.

Let's see if it works.

You got a mortgage on your house?

Don't have a house. Hope to someday.

How much dough do you need?

Look, Eddie, I'm not taking that kind of dough, and that's all there is to it.

There, your set's working okay.

Isn't there anything you want?

Yeah. It would take me an hour to tell you everything I want.

But I intend getting them on my own steam.

What's the angle? You got something on me. I was a coward.

Why didn't you tell the world I was chicken?

You're talking nuts.

I don't let nobody have a percentage on me.

I got to pay you back!

Hey, let go with the fingers, huh?

Name it. Name something I can do!

Okay.

Louise likes to go out to fancy places.

So, if you wanna take us out on the town some night, that much I'd like you to do.

On account of my wife would get a kick out of going to a fancy place.

A measly hundred bucks for food, drinks, cover charges, so what?

I'm talking about handing you thousands.

Eddie, I told you, it's no use.

Now, you want to go out with us, or don't you?

Okay, okay. When?

Well, tomorrow's my night off.

I'll show you the town.

Okay. Here's the repair bill.

$6.43 cents.

Six bucks.

You got something on me nobody knows.

Sooner or later, I'm gonna pay you back and you can't keep saying no.

Oh, gee, that's a beautiful fur.

Thank you.

Well, here we are, the four of us.

Just like a dream, ain't it, Pete sweetheart?

Sure is, hon.

Oh, boy. To think I'm sitting with Eddie Slovak.

I mean, you read the papers, and every day there's Eddie being indicted

or something important like that.

Say, why don't you take a spin around with Eddie, huh?

Yeah. I'd love to.

Oh, you don't mind, do you?

Oh, no, not at all.

How about it, Eddie?

You bet.

Eddie sure is a great guy.

Yes, he is.

You dance wonderfully.

Thanks.

What did Pete say about me? I mean, way back.

Oh, he said you was a big hero in Korea.

He said that? Yeah.

I bet you was, too. A real hero, I mean.

How would you like to put a lot of dough in Pete's way?

What do you mean?

You got to help me talk Pete into letting me stake him to a shop of his own.

His own?

I'd be the silent partner.

He buys the equipment, makes the place look real fancy.

I'd pay him, let's say, $300 a week.

$300?

What's the catch?

There's no catch.

I don't get it. Why should anybody want to pay Pete...

What's the matter?

Come here.

Pete can make a fortune.

I know ways to pull the wool over customer's eyes...

No. Pete wouldn't like that. He's got what he calls scruples.

Don't you want him rich? Sure, you do. Then you got to make him say okay.

I'll try.

Hello?

Boy, am I glad to hear from you. What do you think, baby?

Sure, we'll be glad to. What time?

7:00? Swell.

Give my regards to Pete.

Yeah, we'll see you then. Goodbye.