My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman

What's it-- Like, why? Honestly, why?

Are you just doing this out of friendship?

- I had nothing to do. -I know that feeling.

Here's the thing, I've had twins,

and I'll take any excuse to get out of the house, you know.

Look at this. This is another...

-It's another Airbus. -It's an Airbus?

Do you know all your planes?

-Well, do you know all your planes? -I don't.

My family and I were in Tokyo a year ago.

-Right. -On a 767.

-Triple sevens. Triple seven. -Sure.

-And-- -That's a 777.

That's right.

And I was talking to the pilot about what an amazing machine it is,

-and the guy says, "From Tokyo--" Hi. -I hear you want some chocolate shakes.

-Are you with the restaurant? -I am with the restaurant.

-What's your name? -My name is Travis.

-Travis, nice to see you. -Hi, Travis.

Mr. Clooney.

-What is that, is that a milkshake? -Chocolate milkshake.

-Oh, that's good. -Take care.

I noticed you didn't dig down to give the guy a gratuity.

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, no.

Please.

Thank you.

Nothing is more gratifying than a phony standing ovation. Thank you.

By the way, did you get the free hot buffet before you came in?

That was my idea. Thank you.

So you know-- Does everybody know who's on the show tonight?

No.

What if I told you it was just me?

Oh, no.

Yeah!

Then you're screwed.

It's gonna be a pleasant evening.

A very pleasant evening. And if you're ready...

We're all ready? Everybody's ready.

Ladies and gentlemen, do me a favor,

please welcome my next guest, George Clooney.

Hey, guys.

Hi.

-George, how are you? -I'm good.

Thank you very much.

Where did he go?

Nice.

-Have a seat. -I'm gonna sit down.

Hi, guys.

George, it's very nice of you to do this.

-Thank you very much. -Well, I felt sorry for you.

-I-- -You're just sitting at home,

you got nothing to do.

Yeah. I have spent a lot of time thinking about you.

Perhaps too much time thinking about you.

And I think it's apparent, but if you don't mind,

I'll just go ahead and underline what is apparent about the two of us.

We're similar. Very similar.

-Yes. -I mean, more than...

From the same geographic part of the country.

-Indiana and Kentucky. -Indiana and Kentucky.

-Separated by the Ohio River. -Sure.

Kentucky owns the river up to the shore of Indiana.

Are you aware of that?

In fact, when they call it the Ohio River, it's actually much more...

-It belongs to Kentucky. -More than Kentucky.

-Yeah. Well, we can talk about that later. -It's our river.

-Leave our river alone. -Yeah.

We're both top stars of the day.

Huge.

Of a day.

And we couldn't be more handsome.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like this, you know, Soggy Bottom Boys look you got going.

-Making fun of the beard? -No, I'm not.

-Making fun of the beard. -You could have cleaned up a little.

You come back. You've been gone for--

I get it. You go away,

you're fishing, you want to grow a beard. I get it.

-You're back. Clean it up a little. -That's right.

It's the aging vagrant look.

-Is that what it is? -Yeah.

Yeah, it's good. You got it.

Now, let me... Tell me about your childhood.

And if you don't want to tell me about your childhood,

-I will tell you about your childhood. -That's what I was afraid of.

I grew up-- I was born in Lexington, Kentucky.

Tobacco town, and a horse racing town.

And then my father was a broadcaster.

-He did some news, and-- -Nick Clooney.

He had the Nick Clooney Show. We moved to Cincinnati, Ohio,

and he had his own television show, live TV show.

And my mother was the first runner-up in the Miss Kentucky Pageant,

and had two kids, my sister Ada and myself,

and we spent most of our time growing up in the Midwest. We--

I went to five different grade schools, 'cause we moved a lot.

Because of your dad's job changing?

We moved when the rent was due. That's what my dad used to say.

We...

We moved from Lexington to Cincinnati,

and then around the Cincinnati area, and up to Columbus.

When I was aware of your father, he was working in Dayton, Ohio.

-Is that correct? -Or maybe Columbus.

Probably Columbus, Ohio.

'Cause you were doing the weather, I believe.

-In Indianapolis. -That's right.

Your father and I-- I don't know that we overlapped,

but we worked for the same corporation for a period of time.

And your dad, as a newsman, what did-- Did that mean anything to you?

Did you like the idea that he was a journalist,

a reporter, an anchorman?

It's a funny thing, in between doing the news when he was younger,

and doing the news when he was older, for about ten years there...

...my dad had the show, and he had a band, and he'd sing.

Now, a guy with a talk show would jump in here and say,

"Is that where you decided you wanted to be a performer?"

No, I didn't ever-- I mean, always sort of--

There was this magical place at WKRC in Cincinnati. I remember the show.

This was the actual station, it was WKRC.

And there was this room, a prop room, that had all these costumes.

Had giant rabbit suits and robot costumes from, probably, the '50s.

And so, I would always just go back there, and I'd just put some--

I'd put on a rabbit suit, and I'd go sit there,

and my dad would see me in the rabbit suit for Easter,

and then he'd put me on the show,

and he'd interview me as, you know, the Easter Bunny.

And then I had a leprechaun outfit, and I would be interviewed,

but it would be a sit-down interview, where my dad would--

I'm literally like eight,

and I've got a leprechaun outfit, and my dad goes,

"So, St. Patrick is a big day for you, right?"

And I'd be like, "Yeah, it's a big day. It's a big day for me.

Got a lot of things I got to do. Got to get the green beer--"

-It was-- That was all I did. -You had to get the green beer.

It was basically the same interview, only just different characters.

Yeah, but the presence of mind for a kid to perform like that in character

and be a bit of a wise guy is pretty good at eight.

Well, it's a funny thing. We had a very strict household,

and I remember at a very young age being able to say something outlandish.

This is in the old day when you had cocktail parties all the time.

Everybody had grasshoppers

and was drinking Harvey Wallbangers and things like that.

And I remember I could--

My dad would tell sort of a risqué joke,

and he wouldn't quite say the punch line because it would be a little too much.

And I would, at eight, say the punch line, and everyone would laugh,

and my dad would kick me under the table.

And I always sort of understood that there was an advantage to being eight.

You know, that you could get away with stuff, be it eight or 80,

that you can't get away with anywhere in between.

There's something that I discovered frequently in the research,

and it indicates that you were given--

And I know this is a typo or a lie.

You were given a tryout with the Cincinnati Reds.

Now, I know this is-- What is it, a lie?

Do-- You use this to impress your wife. Is that what it is?

She really doesn't even understand what baseball is,

so it wouldn't work with her.

I had-- In Cincinnati, two years in a row, the Reds tryouts came,

and they took all the guys who were good baseball players and brought us out.

-From, like, area high schools? -Yeah.

It was a funny thing, when you go to an actual tryout--

And I really thought my whole life growing up

I was gonna be a professional baseball player.

Now honestly, were you that good?

I was a good baseball player, yeah.

And I was a re--

You're sure this wasn't-- You're sure this wasn't

-Fan Appreciation Day? -Exactly.

No, I really thought that was gonna be my future.

And then I remember being sent home the first year,

and the second year I came back

and I got past the first round, which was the arm and the speed.

And then I got to take some hits.

And I remember standing in--

The guy starts-- He's a semi-pro baseball player, you know.

He's a minor league pitcher up there, and he's throwing us pitches,

and he's throwing us, you know, 87-mile-an-hour fastballs or something.

You know, decent speed.

And I'm just jacking these balls.

I'm just hitting everything, and I'm feeling like a king,

and I'm like, "I'm gonna be playing

for the goddamn Cincinnati Reds. Look out, baby."

And I was just jacking it.

And the guy's kind of looking at me like, "You're an idiot.

-I'm just throwing you meatballs to hit." -It's batting practice.

And so he throws a curveball at my head, you know.

-And the sound that it made... -Yeah.

...coming towards my head,

and how embarrassingly bad I fell backwards, like...

- -

And how far on the outside of the plate the ball ended up.

And I remember--

It was a wild moment, because I remember standing up and thinking,

"Oh, I'm never gonna be a professional baseball player."

The curveball does make that sound.

It's menacing.