Beyond Paradise

CRACKER SNAPS CHEERING

Ooh, right.

Here we go.

"What do you call"

"an old snowman?"

Oh...

For-sty! ZOE: What?

What?

"Forty" with an S.

For-sty.

A 40-year-old snowman.

Ah...

Actually, that's quite bright.

OK, that's just... weird. Only Kelby would even think of that.

So, what's the answer anyway?

Water!

Ohhh...!

I don't get it. ZOE: It's melted.

Here he is! Oh, yeah!

My favourite nephew.

Yeah, can you lot be quiet, please? Or I will have to call the police.

Call away. We're all in here. I'm a plus-one.

Actually, plus-two. Yeah.

Haven't you got any Christmas music?

Oh, I'll ask, but Mr. Finch isn't a fan.

He says it lowers the tone.

Oh... Finch the Grinch!

SIGHS

But I can get more drinks, though. Auntie M?

Go on, then.

Same again all round, I think, Robert.

Did he tell you what he's been doing?

He's been saving all his tips for the children's ward Christmas party.

Awww!

Tell them how much you've got, Bobby.

No, I don't want to...

He said it's nearly £2,000.

Amazing! Well done, you!

Oh, I, um... better get those drinks.

Hmm. OK.

He's so lovely.

Yeah.

He is.

I'm paying you to work, not have a family reunion.

Sorry, yeah, I was just taking their drinks order.

Um, they wanted to know if they could have any Christmas music.

What do they want, Shakin' Stevens? Wham? Wizzard?

I asked you to bring the ice out over ten minutes ago.

Sorry, sorry. Yeah, I'll do it now.

No, don't bother. I'll get it myself.

Right, I'm just off for a Christmas tinkle.

Ugh, TMI!

Make sure you wash your hands!

Sorry.

Was everything OK?

Oh! Yes, it was, darling.

You did me proud. Oh, good.

Oh, I'd better get back to work. Oh.

Coming, Margo? Ready, Margo?

I don't know the words.

DRUNKEN SINGING

WOMAN WHOOPS, COUPLE LAUGHS

CHATTER

DOOR RATTLES Come on!

CHATTER

Hello?

Sir?

You OK there, my love?

You waiting for someone?

Oh, you're freezing.

How long have you been here?

Do you need something?

OK, so, can I ask why you opened the bin?

Fish.

You were looking for fish? No, I got fish.

I was looking for veg. Right.

They throw it out at the end of the day, see?

There's nothing wrong with most of it.

Got a nice bit of broccoli for my salmon.

I mean, I had to trim it up a bit,

but the really manky stuff I...

I cut up and I use it for feed.

Oh, for the fish? For the rabbit.

Right.

Um, what time was this?

Er, quarter to nine.

I know that

because I had to get the veg back to Janet for five-to.

The rabbit? My wife's sister.

She cuts up the veg for the rabbit.

But she leaves for work at nine.

Banksy.

She works at the bank?

No.

The rabbit's called Banksy,

after that artist fella,

the one who draws on walls.

OK.

He's not dead.

I saw him breathing.

Banksy?

No, the bloke in the bin.

Oh.

SNORING

Morning. Oh, that looks nice.

Oh, yes. All for me.

"Course, Margo. Ha-ha!"

GROANING

This way. Who's your friend?

I found him in a wheelie bin.

His name's Seb, and he had a bit too much to drink

last night, didn't you, Seb? Mm.

Well, you know you've had a good night

when you wake up in a wheelie bin. LAUGHS

You taking him home? Er, not yet.

Can't get his head off.

He said his mates glued it on.

Oh, dear!

SEB GRUNTS, GROANS

You'll need some adhesive remover.

I'll take him.

You go and get some.

Come on. Right, let's step carefully.

Careful. We will be.

SEB MOANS OK.

I've got you.

Oh, oh! Mind that.

Laters! Yeah?

SEB GROANS

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

Oooh!

There's an exhibition on at the town hall tonight:

Christmas Through The Decades.

We're going Christmas shopping, remember?

They've built replica rooms from every decade,

from the '00s, back through the '90s,

the '80s, '70s, the '60s...

You need to finish by five. OK, I'll try.

You promised.

Right.

Say it out loud.

HE LAUGHS

I will finish at five.

Good.

Let's hope Shipton Abbott's criminal fraternity

don't get to hear about this.

We could have a six o'clock frenzy.

Oh, hello!

I'm not sure which question to ask first.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Morning, Margo. Morning.

I, er... see you've brought your friend in.

He's not my friend.

Kelby found him in a wheelie bin.

Excellent.

Oh!

This is the exhibition at the town hall.

Christmas Through The Decades.

I can get you tickets for that.

My stepmum's one of the organisers.

I get a family discount.

Ha!

Margo? Oh, I'm busy tonight.

ELECTRICITY BUZZES

Something wrong with this...

ELECTRICITY ZAPS

SHE SIGHS Ah, sorry.

Something...

wrong with it, I think. Mm. HE CLEARS THROAT

Ooh!

Margo? Mmm?

Why exactly is the snowman here?

His head's glued on, and he's refusing to go home

because his new girlfriend's mum and dad are there.

They've come down for Christmas to meet him.

Oh, worried about giving them the wrong impression?

Hard not to when you're dressed in a snowman suit,

smelling of wheelie bin. Fair enough.

ELECTRICITY BUZZES Oh!

SHE CHUCKLES Ah!

As soon as you can, please.

SHE SLAMS RECEIVER

Problem?

There was a chap sitting on the doorstep when I opened up.

His name's David, but he seems a bit confused.

So I've put him in the interview room with a cup of tea.

That's a very nice thing to do. Well, I've been trying

to get social services to come and collect him,

but they haven't got anyone free.

I mean, I've made it as comfortable for him as I can in there.

The odd thing was, this was the only thing he had with him.

Hm! Weird.

David, is it?

David...

we're just a little bit confused