Modern Family

Ahh, breakfast lasagna!

Great call, honey.

Stay away from it.

It's for everybody tonight.

That's two meals away.

Hello.

Hey, colonel, what's up?

Mommy, could Ivan come for dinner?

No, señor,

'cause tonight the whole family

is coming over for dinner,

'cause we're gonna vote on

where we're going on vacation this year.

A vote with a moral stain on it,

since ballots are reserved for land-owning adults.

Because nobody wants to go

to the birthplace of Edgar Allan poe.

Damn colonel screwed me

and took his name off my petition.

I'm trying to overturn this dumb rule the club passed

banning cigars within 40 feet of the main lodge.

When my country passed a law

that allowed them to drown 14 year olds,

you said, "these things happen."

I just bought a box of El conquistador especiales.

And they deserve to be smoked in a fine leather chair,

not out by the fountain in some heavily-spidered area.

I don't want this in my house.

Can't smoke at home, can't smoke at the club.

Maybe Stella has room in her doghouse.

Where is she, anyway?

Haven't seen her since the morning.

I don't know where Stella is.

I think it has something to do

with the shock collar that I had to put on her

Because she kept running away.

Maybe I tell Jay that I thought it was a necklace.

He was the one who wanted to Pierce her ears.

Hey sweetie, your breakfast is on the table.

Ah, what's this?

Oh! Ooh, let me guess.

The guy in the Cologne ad.

I've named him. It's Giovanni.

He's in love with me.

Well, he's leaving you for me.

I'm sorry.

We never meant for it to happen.

What's that?

Toast, toast is done. Those Russian brothers

who are renting the unit upstairs,

are they... Gone.

Because it's already been 30 days, okay?

And the rules are very clear.

I know all about squatter's rights, Mitchell.

Why do you always have to treat me

like I'm some irresponsible...

Idiot?

The Russian brothers wanted one more night.

So I took cash, and I didn't tell Mitchell,

and now they won't leave.

We have squatters.

First termites, now squatters.

At least the termites weren't my fault.

Look at this beautiful side table

somebody just left on the street.

Oh, do you need a hand? No, it's like ridiculously light.

Flapjacks for mi amore?

Oh, grazie. Ugh. I don't know what's more syrupy...

you two or Luke's chin.

That's weird. I haven't had breakfast yet.

You'll have to excuse us.

Your father and I watched

A very romantic movie last night.

Okay, Google,

Play the soundtrack to "spaghetti for pepe."

Playing soundtrack.

Ooh. Mi scusa.

- Whoa. Watch the new kicks. - What?

You have another pair of new sneakers?

What is that job at the club paying you?

It's the tips, mom.

There's this one lady,

Hold the door for her... 10 bucks.

Bring her an ice tea with lemon, another 10 bucks.

Best tips I ever made was when we passed the hat

after a performance of my improv group, "rule of three."

We were known for our sketches, song parodies,

And full-frontal nudity.

Uhp.

Hello?

You are all out of orange juice.

I understand.

I have to go out for orange juice.

Yes, I understand.

I have to go out for orange juice.

Mitchell?

I have to go out for orange juice.

*MODERN FAMILY* Season 08 Episode 08 "The Alliance" Precisely Synchronized by srjanapala

- Thank you for coming. - I have a problem with Russians.

Being married to a pritchett is great.

So great! The best!

But they can be a... a tad judgmental.

- Almost punitive. - They are monsters.

That's why the three of us formed a... a secret alliance

To help each other cover up our...

- Our little mistakes. - Like back in December,

when I hastily purchased an expensive prop

for an open house.

Thanks so much for hiding it.

Claire would kill me.

And it's only till Monday, when I can return it.

Don't worry.

Ay, ay!

Hi!

Oh, welcome home!

- You're so early, right? - Not really.

Ah! There is that smile that I love.

- Why don't you take me to lunch? - Okay.

What happened here, anyway?

You get into Joe's scented markers again?

So now, I have scary Russian squatters who won't leave.

We'll have a small window when Mitchell goes to the gym.

He usually stretches,

takes a lap around the locker room,

and then gets a smoothie.

You two deal with the Russians,

and I'll keep Mitch distracted.

- Anything else? - Yes.

Our gate is broken,

and Stella keeps getting out in the street.

I bought her a shock collar.

I thought about getting one when Luke was younger.

Claire ended up just shaking a can of pennies at him.

It spooked her and she's hiding.

We need to find her before Jay does and sees the collar.

He has warned me many times not to get one

because they are cruel.

All right, we'll deal with the Russians first,

then come find Stella before the big vote.

We do not have much time.

We need to go.

I actually ordered a sandwich.

Is Rainer not here yet?

Oh no, he is.

He, uh, signed a head shot I didn't ask for,

and then went to the bathroom.

There's his daughter.

I've never met a boyfriend's daughter before.

I mean, I went out with Stacy's dad,

but I've known her since, like, kindergarten.

You're nervous?

I mean, how could this go wrong?

She's a teenage girl. That's when you peaked.

I know.

I guess I just really like this guy,

and I want to be able to show him

I can fit into the more complicated parts of his life.

Hey, Princess.

- Hey! - Hey.

Six people filmed me arguing with that meter maid,

and no one caught this adorable moment?

Mwah.

So, you must be April.

Uh, yeah?

April, tone.

I'll grab a chair.

Sorry. That's work. Gotta take that.

Anyways, I'm Haley, your dad's, uh...

- Latest? - Yes!

Flash flood in the mohave, they need me to cover.

The water's already ramp high at the senior center.

You know, a puppy floats by on a pizza box,

This could be national.

Oops, snakes. Our day!

I'll just go to mom and Jeff's.

No, no, we were supposed to get to know each other today.

Um, I can watch you.

Because I'm 4?

Oh, tone.

Are you sure?

Yes. Girls day. We'll meet you later.

Oh, okay, thank you for understanding, sweetie.

- No problem. - No problem.

O-O-Oh! Ho!!

Tragedy strikes.

Dozens dead.

Tragedy strikes.

Dozens dead.

And our final order of business is our entry

to this year's expo internacional du closet.

What do we got?

Okay, so we all know

that Europeans prefer strong

but simple lines...

- Which is why I think - Mm-hmm.

that we should go with the trafalgar.

Interesting.

It's sturdy, dependable.

On the other hand,

the matterhorn is a chance to shake things up.