Our Flag Means Death

Captain...

we're a few hundred yards out from "The Revenge."

Nice. Very good.

Love that.

Honestly, I really don't think this Bonnet is worth your time.

Mmm.

So, he's a fancy man with a fancy ship,

and he travels with a brigade of imbeciles.

Do I have that right?

Yes, I suppose you could put it--

And he bested you at swordplay.

They tricked us. It was an ambush. Completely unprofessional.

-Hmm. -Izzy: So, what's the plan, sir?

Do we open fire?

Or would you rather we just attack them,

kill them, throw them out to the sharks, sir?

Wait till they make landfall

then invite 'em aboard the ship.

And, Izzy, I want you to handle this personally.

-Oh, Edward, can't I just send the boys? -Mm-mm.

No, I want this done right.

After all, he is a gentleman.

We want to make a good impression.

Stupid fuckin' Stede Bonnet.

Captain Stede: Blackbeard, Captain Kidd...

The Gentleman Pirate.

What do those names conjure for you?

Well, the first two are, like, very, very talented pirates.

The badger's knackers.

But I have no idea who the... last bloke is.

Well, the last one is the scariest of them all.

-Oh yeah? Keep talkin'. -Yeah, he's a killer.

But instead of killing with weapons,

he kills with... kindness.

Oh, right, so you're the G-Gentleman Pirate, then?

-Well-sussed! -Yeah.

Polite menace. That'll be my brand.

Every legendary pirate needs one.

-You getting all this? -Yep. Yes, I am.

Um...

as I said before, Captain, I'm not the strongest writer.

-Captain Stede: Hmm. -Or reader.

Well, there's no words on there at all.

-No, 'cause I've drawn them. -Right.

Well, you'll have to do until we find Lucius.

I just hope he's not dead.

That could be bad...

-for the general vibe around here. -Yeah.

Oh, actually, uh,

since we're on the subject of bad vibes,

what is the plan for the remaining hostage?

-Remaining hostage? -He's still out there.

-Not lookin' great. -Oh god, we need a plan.

Mm, 'cause he's kind of bringin' everyone down,

bit of a pirate pooper.

Dear lord, it smells like he's been roasting.

The sun did work its wonders.

Well good and savory now, Cap'n.

Some nice crispy bits there.

Yes, well, let's get him some water...

and maybe hold a jacket over his head or something.

Generate some shade.

Ah, that's... lovely. Cheers.

Right, well, what should we do with our hostage?

-Any ideas? -Black Pete: Ooh!

-I know. -What, you mean other than kill him?

Oh, everyone does that. I think a gentleman rises

above those baser instincts.

Black Pete, did you have an idea?

Nah, I was just gonna say kill him.

Oh, uh, cut off all his limbs

and turn his back into a table.

No, let's not. Thank you, though.

-Anyone else? -We could ransom him back to the English.

-Ooh, good thinking, Roach. -Ah.

What ya need... is a fence.

I reckon you'll find one...

at The Republic of Pirates.

An isle not too far at all,

where the law lies doggo and plunderers rule.

Well, one can only hope he's talking to us,

in which case, wow!

Now that sounds like the place to be, right?

No, it's shit.

It's become quite touristy, I've heard,

and just not as cool anymore. Right, Jim?

Well, I'll be the judge of that.

It's time for the wider criminal community

to meet the Gentleman Pirate.

-Oh my god, no. -Mr. Buttons...

set a course for the Republic of Pirates.

Aye, aye, Cap'n! Hoist the main brace.

Oluwande: We can't go back there.

Spanish Jackie has put a price on your head, remember?

You mean for the thing with her husband?

The thi-- Yes, the thing where you killed him.

Pff. Olu, grow up.

We live in a state of nature.

Besides, she's got, like, 20 husbands.

Well, 19 now.

Jim... a fake beard and a wax nose

is not gonna fool Jackie.

-You couldn't even fool Lucius! -Oh, mm, that's different.

Ese bastardito caught me unawares.

Lucius: I'll tell no one! I swear!

Cállate, hombrecito.

Maybe, in your next life,

you'll be a little less nosey, huh?

Lucius: Ow! Jesus.

Can you help me throw this overboard?

I don't think that's a good idea,

us being on the same team and all.

Fine.

Oh god! Oh god! Thank you!

Oh, you made a wise decision today,

and I feel really good about this.

Nope, I can't do this. Get back in.

-(speaking Spanish) -No, no, no! You can't! You can't!

You don't know what it's like in there!

Have either of you seen--

Lucius, there you are.

Oh god, why're you so sweaty?

Um, so we have been exercising together

because we want our bodies to be smaller.

-Everything's fine. -Well, I'm not fine.

I've got a journal full of doodles instead of words.

I'm glad you're making friends, but tighten up, mate.

Come on. I need your help getting me dressed for the big day.

All right, it's a bit gentrified,

but it's still the Republic of Pirates.

-I remember when this place was gritty. -What, 10 years ago?

Please, place got lame. Is that a gift shop?

Republic of Pirates.

Quite the hellish cesspool.

-Come along. -Sorry, um,

do these outfits maybe feel like

-an error in judgment, or-- -Captain Stede: It's a power move.

Make people feel underdressed,

and suddenly you're the one in charge.

No, no, no, no, no! Oh god, this isn't happening!

Aww, come on! You couldn't have sidestepped?

-(crying) -Right, too late. Let's go.

Maybe just take the jacket off.

I've never felt so at home.

Man for sale! Man for sale!

-Healthy, sturdy, obedient man for sale! -Captain?

-So, we're leaving, right? -Yeah, and quickly.

Captain Stede: Man for sale!

Listen, I think you might wanna adjust the pitch

because it's quite unclear what you're selling.

Look, I might be new to pirating,

but I know a thing or two about salesmanship.

After you.

Check out this

fabulous booty I'm hawkin'!

Whoa.

Bonifacia Jimenez,

wanted for murder.

I told you Jackie was still pissed.

Reward, 50 doubloons?! That's it?

-I think you're gettin' the wrong message, Jim. -But I, I wasted her husband!

-That's worth a thousand doubloons at least! -Shh! Quit shouting!

Captain Stede: Man for sale! Someone, buy my booty!

-Man for sale! -Over here.

Oh, here we go.

One piece of silver's me bid.

So, do I get all three of ye's, er--

No, only one of us is for sale.

Mm, so the other two watch, or?

He thinks you're a prostitute.

I'm no prostitute, mate!

Oh.

We could've made magic.

Unbelievable. Do we look like prostitutes to you?

Well, not terribly successful ones.

Jim, what're you doin'? Someone's gonna see you.

-So far, so good. -Jim--

Oh, hey, guys! Ooh, this place looks promising.

Maybe we'll find some buyers in here.

No, no, no, Captain. You d-- You don't wanna go in there.

It's a, it's a shithole.

There's a lot of crime,

and, uh, diseases,

and, uh, poorly mixed drinks.

Jim's already gone in.

Jim?! No, no, no, Jim!

Does look a bit scary in there.

I'm gonna need you to hold it together, and come in.

Well, if it's scary, I'll probably just head back to the ship--

Ah, Lucius, look at this.

Come. Come here.

You have to sketch us in front of this.

It's so authentic.

Look tortured.

: Okay, like we rehearsed.

Hear ye, hear ye!

: Oh fuck.

Please join me in welcoming for his regional debut...

The Brigand of Barbados...

-(mouthing along) -the Cream of the Caribbean...