Twelfth Night

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NEW LINE HOME VIDEO

Man: * I'LL TELL THEE A TALE *

* NOW LIST' TO ME *

* WITH A HEY, HO *

* THE WIND AND THE RAIN *

* BUT MERRY OR SAD *

* WHICH SHALL IT BE? *

* FOR THE RAIN IT RAINETH EVERY DAY *

Man: ONCE UPON TWELFTH NIGHT,

OR WHAT YOU WILL,

ABOARD A SHIP BOUND HOME TO MESSALINE,

THE FESTIVE COMPANY,

DRESSED FOR MASQUERADE AND SINGING SONGS EACH OTHER TO AMUSE,

DELIGHT ABOVE THE REST IN TWO YOUNG TWINS...

Twins: * O MISTRESS MINE, WHERE ARE YOU ROAMING? *

* O, STAY AND HEAR *

* YOUR TRUE LOVE'S *

* COMING *

* THAT CAN SING BOTH HIGH AND... *

* LOW *

* THAT CAN SING BOTH HIGH AND... *

* LOW *

Man: THE STORM HAS FORCED THEIR VESSEL FROM ITS COURSE,

AND NOW THEY STRIKE UPON SUBMERGED ROCKS.

Man: UNCERTAIN WHAT TO LEAVE AND WHAT TO SAVE,

BROTHER AND SISTER, ORPHANED SINCE THEIR FATHER'S DEATH,

HAVE BUT THEMSELVES ALONE IN ALL THE WORLD.

Brother: NO!

NO!

NO!

Man: DEEP CURRENTS AND THE SINKING BARK ABOVE THEM

DIVIDE WHAT NAUGHT HAD EVER KEPT APART.

THE POOR SURVIVORS REACH AN ALIEN SHORE.

FOR MESSALINE...

WITH THIS COUNTRY...

IS AT WAR.

WHAT COUNTRY, FRIENDS, IS THIS?

THIS IS ILLYRIA, LADY.

AND WHAT SHOULD I DO IN ILLYRIA?

MY BROTHER...

HE IS IN ELYSIUM.

PERCHANCE HE IS NOT DROWNED.

MY LADY VIOLA,

IT IS PERCHANCE THAT YOU YOURSELF WERE SAVED.

MY POOR BROTHER!

Viola: SEBASTIAN!

SEBASTIAN!

THE WAR BETWEEN THE MERCHANTS HERE AND OURS

TOO OFT HAS GIVEN US BLOODY ARGUMENT.

WE MUST NOT BE DISCOVERED IN THIS PLACE.

WHO GOVERNS HERE?

THE DUKE...

ORSINO.

ORSINO.

I HAVE HEARD MY FATHER NAME HIM.

HE WAS A BACHELOR THEN.

AND SO IS NOW,

OR WAS SO VERY LATE.

'TIS SAID NO WOMAN MAY APPROACH HIS COURT, BUT A MONTH AGO

'TWAS FRESH IN MURMUR THAT HE DID SEEK THE LOVE OF FAIR OLIVIA.

Viola: WHAT'S SHE?

THAT SAME OLIVIA,

THE DAUGHTER OF A COUNT WHO DIED SOME TWELVEMONTH SINCE.

HER BROTHER HAS LATELY ALSO DIED.

FOR WHOSE DEAR LOVE, THEY SAY, SHE HATH ABJURED

THE SIGHT AND COMPANY OF MEN.

O, THAT I SERVED THAT LADY.

THAT WERE HARD TO COMPASS,

BECAUSE SHE WILL ADMIT NO KIND OF SUIT,

NO, NOT THE DUKE'S.

I PRITHEE, BE MY AID FOR SUCH DISGUISE

AS HAPLY SHALL BECOME THE FORM OF MY INTENT.

I'LL SERVE THIS DUKE.

I SHALL PRESENT ME AS A BOY TO HIM.

IT MAY BE WORTH

FOR I CAN SING, AND SPEAK TO HIM IN MANY SORTS OF MUSIC,

THAT WILL ALLOW ME VERY WORTH HIS SERVICE.

OHH.

I THANK THEE.

IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE, PLAY ON.

GIVE ME...

EXCESS OF IT;

THAT, SURFEITING, THE APPETITE MAY SICKEN, AND SO...

DIE.

THAT STRAIN AGAIN.

IT HAD A DYING FALL.

O, IT CAME O'ER MY EAR LIKE THE SWEET SOUND

THAT BREATHES UPON A BANK OF VIOLETS;

STEALING AND GIVING ODOR.

ENOUGH.

NO MORE!

'TIS NOT SO SWEET NOW AS IT WAS BEFORE.

HOW NOW? WHAT NEWS FROM OLIVIA?

SO PLEASE MY LORD, I MIGHT NOT BE ADMITTED...

BUT FROM HER HANDMAID

"THE ELEMENT ITSELF, TILL SEVEN YEARS' HEAT,

"SHALL NOT BEHOLD HER FACE AT AMPLE VIEW;

BUT LIKE A CLOISTRESS--"

"ALL THIS TO SEASON A BROTHER'S DEAD LOVE,

WHICH SHE WOULD KEEP FRESH AND LASTING, IN HER SAD REMEMBRANCE."

O, SHE THAT HATH A HEART OF THAT FINE FRAME

TO PAY THIS DEBT OF LOVE BUT TO A BROTHER...

MY LORD ORSINO...

AHEM.

Viola: HERE COMES THE COUNT!

WHO SAW CESARIO, HMM?

Viola: ON YOUR ATTENDANCE, MY LORD, HERE.

CESARIO...

Duke: THOU KNOW'ST

I HAVE UNCLASPED TO THEE THE BOOK EVEN OF MY SECRET SOUL.

THEREFORE, GOOD YOUTH, ADDRESS THY GAIT UNTO HER,

STAND AT HER DOORS, AND TELL THEM,

THERE THY FIXED FOOT SHALL GROW TILL THOU HAVE AUDIENCE.

SURE, MY NOBLE LORD,

IF SHE BE SO ABANDONED TO HER SORROW AS IT IS SPAKE,

SHE NEVER WILL ADMIT ME.

BE CLAMOROUS AND LEAP ALL CIVIL BOUNDS.

SAY I DO SPEAK WITH HER, MY LORD, WHAT THEN?

O, THEN UNFOLD THE PASSION OF MY LOVE;

IT SHALL BECOME THEE WELL TO ACT MY WOES;

SHE WILL ATTEND IT BETTER IN THY YOUTH.

I THINK NOT SO, MY LORD.

DEAR LAD, BELIEVE IT.

FOR THEY SHALL YET BELIE THY HAPPY YEARS, THAT SAY THOU ART A MAN.

AHEM.

DIANA'S LIP IS NOT MORE SMOOTH AND RUBIOUS;

THY SMALL PIPE IS AS A WOMAN'S ORGAN, SHRILL AND SOUND--

AND ALL IS SEMBLATIVE A WOMAN'S PART.

UHH!

I KNOW THY CONSTELLATION IS RIGHT APT FOR THIS AFFAIR.

Duke: SOME THREE OR FOUR ATTEND HIM.

BY MY TROTH, SIR TOBY, YOU MUST COME IN EARLIER O' NIGHTS.

THAT QUAFFING AND

I HEARD MY LADY TALK OF IT YESTERDAY.

AND OF A FOOLISH KNIGHT, THAT YOU BROUGHT IN ONE NIGHT HERE, TO BE HER WOOER.

WHO? SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK?

AY, HE.

HE'S AS TALL A MAN AS ANY'S IN ILLYRIA.

WHAT'S THAT TO TH' PURPOSE?

HE HAS 3,000 DUCATS A YEAR.

HE SPEAKS THREE OR FOUR LANGUAGES WORD FOR WORD WITHOUT BOOK--

HE'S A FOOL.

AND BUT THAT HE HATH THE GIFT OF A COWARD,

'TIS THOUGHT HE WOULD QUICKLY HAVE THE GIFT OF A GRAVE.

Man: SIR TOBY BELCH!

SIR ANDREW AGUEFACE!

HOW NOW, SIR TOBY BELCH?

SWEET SIR ANDREW!

BLESS YOU, FAIR SHREW.

AND YOU TOO, SIR.

ACCOST, SIR ANDREW, ACCOST.

WHAT'S THAT?

MY NIECE'S CHAMBERMAID.

O, GOOD MISTRESS ACCOST, I DESIRE BETTER ACQUAINTANCE.

MY NAME IS MARY, SIR.

GOOD MISTRESS MARY ACCOST.

UH, "ACCOST" IS-- IS FRONT HER,

BOARD HER, WOO HER,

ASSAIL HER.

FARE YOU WELL, GENTLEMEN.

IS THAT THE MEANING OF "ACCOST"?

MMM. KNOW IT.

WHEN DID I SEE THEE SO PUT DOWN?

WHAT A PLAGUE MEANS MY NIECE, TO TAKE THE DEATH OF HER BROTHER THUS?

I AM SURE CARE'S AN ENEMY TO LIFE.

I'LL RIDE HOME TOMORROW, SIR TOBY.

POURQUOI, MY DEAR KNIGHT?

WHAT IS POURQUOI?

DO OR NOT DO?

I WOULD I HAD BESTOWED THAT TIME IN THE TONGUES,

THAT I HAVE IN FENCING AND DANCING.

O, HAD I BUT FOLLOWED THE ARTS!

FAITH, I'LL HOME TOMORROW, SIR TOBY.

YOUR NIECE WILL NOT BE SEEN,

OR IF SHE BE IT'S FOUR TO ONE

THE COUNT HIMSELF HERE HARD BY WOOS HER.

SHE'LL NONE O'TH' COUNT--

SHE'LL NOT MATCH ABOVE HER DEGREE;

I'VE HEARD HER SWEAR'T.

TUT, THERE'S LIFE IN'T, MAN!

I'LL STAY A MONTH LONGER...

I AM A FELLOW O'TH' STRANGEST MIND I'TH' WORLD:

I DELIGHT IN MASQUES AND REVELS SOMETIMES ALTOGETHER.

ART THOU GOOD AT THESE KICKSHAWSES, KNIGHT?

FAITH, I CAN CUT A CAPER,

AND I THINK I HAVE THE BACK-TRICK

SIMPLY AS STRONG AS ANY MAN IN ILLYRIA.

WHEREFORE ARE THESE THINGS HID?

WHEREFORE HAVE THESE GIFTS A CURTAIN BEFORE 'EM?

WHY DOST THOU NOT GO TO CHURCH IN A GALLIARD

AND COME HOME IN A CORANTO?

IS IT A WORLD TO HIDE VIRTUES IN?

EXCELLENT! HA HA HA!

MY LADY WILL HANG THEE FOR THY ABSENCE.

I FEAR NO COLOURS.

I CAN TELL THEE WHERE THAT SAYING WAS BORN.

WHERE, GOOD MISTRESS MARY?

IN THE WAR.

WELL, GOD GIVE THEM WISDOM THAT HAVE IT;

AND THOSE THAT ARE FOOLS, LET THEM USE THEIR TALENTS.