Gilmore Girls

Please, Luke.

How many cups have you had this morning?

-None. -Plus?

Five, but yours is better.

-You have a problem. -Yes, I do.

Junkie. LORELAI: Angel.

You've got wings, baby.

Luke's. Yeah.

You make that look really good.

It is really good. It's the best coffee in town.

-Yeah? I'll have to get a cup. -Good plan.

I've never been here before.

Just passing through on my way to Hartford.

You're a regular Jack Kerouac.

Yeah.

-Mind if I sit down? -Actually, I'm meeting someone...

-I'm Joey. -Okay.

You don't have a name?

I do have a name. I just am really meeting someone.

So I guess I should get going.

-So soon? -What?

I'm just screwing with your mind. It's nice to meet you.

-Enjoy Hartford. -Enjoy your coffee, mystery woman.

I like that.

-Hey, it's freezing. -What do you need? Hot tea, coffee?

Lip gloss.

I have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and toasted marshmallow.

Anything in there not resembling a breakfast cereal?

Yes. It has no smell, but it changes colors with your mood.

-RuPaul doesn't need this much makeup. -You're crabby.

I'm sorry. I lost my Macy Gray CD, and I need caffeine.

-I have your CD. -Thief.

Sorry, and I will get you some coffee.

What? It's not for me. It's for Rory, I swear.

-You're shameless. -Look, Officer Krupke...

she's right at that table, right over there.

He's got quite a pair, this guy. Thanks.

-I've never been through here before. -You have, too.

Hi.

-You really like my table, don't you? -I was just...

Getting to know my daughter.

Are you my new daddy?

Wow!

You don't look old enough to have a daughter.

I mean it.

And you don't look like a daughter.

That's possibly very sweet of you. Thanks.

So, daughter.

-You know, I am traveling with a friend. -She's 16.

-Bye. -Drive safe.

-Here you go. -Thanks.

Independence Inn, Michel speaking.

No, I'm sorry. We're completely booked.

We have a wedding party here.

No, there is really nothing I can do.

Yes, I'm sure. Positive.

No, I don't have to look, ma'am. Yes, of course I'll look.

No, I'm sorry. We're completely booked.

No, don't move.

Just ignore the tiny woman pushing the 200-pound instrument around.

This is good. I like this. Maybe after this I'll bench-press a piano.

That's it, lady. Tie your shoe now.

Don't worry. I'll wait.

-Hi, Drella. -Hi.

I was just wondering, could you be nicer to the guests?

I'm sorry. Did you not want a harp player?

-Yes, I did. -Did you not want a great harp player?

-Yes, I did. -I am a great harp player.

And this is my great harp, okay?

So if you just want someone to be nice to the guests...

get a harmonica player. Some guy who whistles through his nose.

Okay? Capisce?

And that is a great spot for a table. The decorator's a genius.

Madame, you have no idea how desperately I'd like to help...

but I'd have to build a room for you myself...

and I'm not a man who works with his hands.

So the best I can do is suggest...

that you please try for another weekend. Any weekend.

Good. Fine. The 21st. Hold on, I'll look.

No, I'm sorry. We're completely booked.

-Has the plumber attended to Room 4 yet? -He was here. He did nothing. It's $100.

Hi, Marco. Lorelai.

Talk to me about Room 4. What was wrong with it?

I thought you replaced that already.

Because you told me you did. I never forget anything.

So this one's on you, right?

Pleasure doing business with you.

-What is your offspring doing? -I need stamps. Can I have these?

-No. -Take them.

-What's with the muumuu? -Stop.

You couldn't find one made of metal, in case anyone has x-ray eyes?

And now we say goodbye.

Have Michel look at your French paper before you go.

Excuse me?

-That would be great. -No.

Come on, Michel. I'll tell all the ladies what a stud you are.

I believe that memo has already been sent.

Please, Michel.

Pretty please with Sucre on top? I will stop talking like this.

Leave it. I'll look at it if I get a chance.

It's due tomorrow. And pay special attention to the grammar.

I despise you.

When are you gonna let your parents know that you listen to the evil rock music?

You're an American teenager, for God's sake.

If my parents still get upset...

over the obscene portion size of American food...

I seriously doubt I'm going to make any inroads with Eminem.

-I have to go to that. -The hayride? You're kidding.

My parents set me up with the son of a business associate.

He's gonna be a doctor.

-How old is he? -Sixteen.

So he's gonna be a doctor in 100 years.

My parents like to plan ahead.

-You have to go to the hayride with him? -And his older brother.

-Now you're kidding. -Koreans never joke about future doctors.

I guess you're not going?

No. I'm still fuzzy on what's fun about sitting in the cold for two hours...

-with a bundle of sticks up your butt. -Don't expect me to clear it up for you.

For those of you who have not finished the final chapters of Huckleberry Finn...

you may use this time to do so.

For those of you who have, you can start on your essay now.

Whichever task you choose, do it silently.

- Maybe it's a love letter. -Or her diary.

Could be a slam book.

It's the assignment.

-Nice, huh? -It's beautiful.

Tell it to the tip jar.

Take the bags up to 314.

Make sure the drapes are closed and there's extra soap...

and she wants her pillow mints now.

Sookie! I'm okay.

What did you do now? Why weren't you watching her?

No estabas cuidándola?

No. She's this. Bad food in the head.

-I need you to be more careful. -I know. I'm sorry.

I fixed the peach sauce.

-That's blood. Why are you bleeding? -My stitches opened.

I was using too much maple syrup. It strangled the fruit.

-When did you get stitches? -Friday night. Radish roses.

Okay, stop moving.

You gotta taste the sauce while it's still warm.

Sookie, I need you to be more careful.

I need there to be fewer accidents.

Dear God Almighty, that's incredible!

I'll put it on the waffles tomorrow morning for breakfast.

-I wanna take a bath in that sauce. -I will make more.

Someday when we open our own inn, diabetics will line up to eat this sauce.

Won't that be great?

The key to someday achieving that dream is for you to stay alive long enough...

so we can actually open an inn, you understand?

-Yes, I understand. -All right.

Now let's get you up and to the doctor on three. One, two, three.

What?

Stepped on my thumb. I'm fine. On three. Okay.

-Was it a good color, at least? -It had sparkles in it.

Wow!

And it smelled like bubble gum when it dried.

There's no way Mark Twain could compete with that.

Mom, we're home!

-Did you hear something? -I'm not sure.

Mom, are you here?

We're open. Everything's half off.

We have contact.

-Mom! -Lane?

-Mom! -Lane?

Mom, where are you?

Lane, where are you? LANE: Back here.

Over here.

I think she's that way.

Are we closer? I'm by the table.

She's kidding, right?

Look, we'll meet you in the kitchen.

-What? -The kitchen!

-Who's that? -It's Rory, Mom.

I could hear the disappointment from here.

Come on. Stop it.

It sucks that after all these years your mom still hates me.

-She doesn't hate you. -She hates my mother.

-She doesn't trust unmarried women. -You're unmarried.

I'm hayriding with a future proctologist. I have potential.

Go upstairs. Tea is ready. I have muffins. No dairy, no sugar, no wheat.

You have to soak them in tea to make them soft enough to bite...

but they're very healthy.

How was school?

None of the girls get pregnant, drop out?

Not that we know of.

Though come to think of it, Joanna Posner was glowing a little.

-What? -Nothing, Mama. She's just kidding.

-Boys don't like funny girls. -Noted.

Hello! Anybody here?

We're here. We're coming.

Have the muffins made from sprouted wheat.

Only good 24 hour.

Everything's half off!

Where are you? Over here!

Where? MRS. By the chair!

What chair?

-Careful! -I'm okay.

Peppers.

Mike.