BoJack Horseman

Son, did you do your homework?

I don't wanna do my homework!

What, what, what?

-I want Chicken 4 Dayz! -Oh...

-I got a drumstick! -I got a arm.

I got a bucket full of mystery stuff!

Over at Chicken 4 Dayz,

they pump their chickens full of hormones

and keep them cooped up in tiny cages.

Now, as a chicken, this concerns me.

Here at Gentle Farms, we treat our livestock differently.

Lush fields, plenty of dignity,

and foosball.

The chickens here have wonderful lives

before we harvest them, so you can eat them.

But wait, Pa, aren't we chickens?

I don't wanna get eaten!

Boy, these animals aren't like us.

They're specifically bred to be eaten,

and genetically modified for maximum flavor.

When our chicks first hatch, we lovingly inject them

with natural delicious hormones,

which makes them meat, thereby erasing any moral gray area!

Now you can feel good about eating our meat.

It's simple: No one knows chicken like chickens.

Gentle Farms.

Why put the "Skip Ad" button so late? I'm not skipping now. I'm invested.

BoJack, you're driving a car right now.

-Oh, right! -Aah! Oh!

Whoa!

Kelsey, ray of sunshine.

And who's this little drop of Jupiter?

-This is my daughter, Irving. -Your daughter's name is Irving?

Gender-normative names are oppressive.

Well, aren't you a little princess?

What are you doing outside of the castle?

Mom, your friend is being weird.

BoJack is not my friend.

-Whoa! -Diane, I need you to handle Irving.

-Handle her? -It's Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

I took my daughter to work, she got empowered,

and now I need you to take my daughter away from work,

so I can actually do some.

Mom, don't pawn me off onto your assistant.

Can you not fight me on this, please?

Take my car and my daughter, and go do whatever it is you do.

Way to delegate, captain! Down low!

Nope? Look down. Just put your eyes down.

My hand is below your eye line. No?

I guess you're stuck with me, kiddo.

Sounds great, old-woman-o.

What is it, BoJack? I'm at my dumb niece's wedding.

Not you, honey! A different dumb niece.

I feel like Kelsey doesn't like me.

You're not really the kind of person people like.

-Right away? -Uh, sure.

But once they get to know me, they adore me?

How do I put this delicately? No.

The problem is we haven't gotten any one-on-one time.

There are always other people around.

Filming me. Feeding me.

Walking me to the garage at night,

because one time I saw a bag in the wind and I got spooked.

BoJack, the only reason you want Kelsey to like you

is because she's cold and distant.

Any time someone tries to love you, you shove them away.

What? No, I don't, stupid. You're stupid.

Don't be such a dumb stupid idiot, Todd.

Okay, I gotta go. Everyone's staring at me for some reason.

What? I'm ready. Let's take a picture.

Hear ye! Hear ye!

I call this meeting of P.B. Livin' to order.

I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said:

"You have reached the end of your free trial membership

-What a wise man. -What's on the agenda, my frienda?

Well, here's an idea.

What if there was a West Dakota?

Todd, isn't that a job for the State Department?

Well, I got a whole page of other ideas,

each as impractical as they are prohibitively expensive.

You know what they say:

"You gotta spend money to make money."

So, how can I spend a lot of money?

I know. I'll take a spa day.

-Uh-- -Eyes, prepare to receive cucumbers.

-We're in a meeting. -You know what they say:

"You gotta skip meetings to have meetings." See ya.

-Wait, what should I do? -I don't know.

Oh, maybe you could go on one of your silly Todd adventures.

You know, whatever you do when everyone is busy with other stuff.

Okay.

What is it, Todd?

Princess Carolyn, I need something to do.

A job, or a task, or a direction in life...

You're my agent. Can you give my life meaning?

I don't have time for this.

Well, don't stop on my account.

Princess Carolyn, do I have a purpose?

Oh, purpose? Are you high?

Only the normal amount.

I gotta go. They're about to step on the glass.

Just stay out of trouble.

Uh, okay.

- -

What I want is a hard target search

of every gas station, backyard, outhouse, pool house...

And can I get a black-and-white cookie,

if it's not too G.D. troublesome?

So, we know the chicken crossed the road.

But the real mystery is why?

So, what do you want to be when you grow up?

First I'm gonna go to Brown,

-then I'm gonna go to Yale Law. -Wow.

Then I'm gonna be the youngest Supreme Court Justice.

-That's great. -Or, you know, something in marketing.

Wow.

Would you mind if we stopped by my house?

I have to do laundry.

So, you just, like, do laundry? That's, like, your thing?

Okay. This whole attitude you're putting on?

I must be Shania Twain,

because that don't impress me much.

Is that a reference from the '90s?

You know that was 20 years ago, right?

Hey, I was just like you when I was a teenager.

I was this badass overachiever

that had these big plans to change the world.

Yeah? What happened?

Oh, you didn't hear? I changed the world.

Did you have a nice shower?

I made you a sandwich. Oh, but it has turkey in it.

Is that kind of weird?

- -

Police!

- -

Oh, man.

What seems to be the problem, Officer...?

Fuzzyface. Meow Meow Fuzzyface.

A Chicken 4 Dayz chicken fell off a truck,

and I gotta find her and take her to the slaughterhouse.

You haven't seen any chickens running around?

No, I don't think so.

-Who's this? -Uh, this is my, uh-- My wife--

- -Becca! Yeah, my wife Becca.

-Becca Chavez. There she is. -Okay.

- -Yep, she loves her books.

Big reader.

-Real nerd. -

Back off? Okay, I'm sorry, honey.

Hold on, if you're really a nerd,

who's your favorite Baroque composer?

-Bach? Not Vivaldi? You're insane! -

Yes, I am holding a Bic pen,

but I don't see how that's relevant, Mrs. Chavez.

- -Sorry. Becca.

- -She's a charming woman.

I do have to look around a little bit, just so I can say I did my job.

-Uh, don't you need a warrant? -Only if you're guilty.

Well, in that case, mi casa es su casa.

So, if anyone asks, you were born in La Jolla.

You majored in Communications at USC,

and now you're the booking agent

-for Kings of Leon. -

-Fine, you also book Beck. - Todd?

Aah! I didn't find that thing in your drawer!

Why are the police outside?

Okay. I met this chicken and she escaped from Chicken 4 Dayz factory,

and she doesn't speak English,

but she's my best friend and the cops are looking for her,

and Mr. Peanutbutter went to the spa,

and I love her, and her name is Becca. Chickenson.

-Todd, breathe. -But we can't send Becca back.

-They're gonna pump her full of hormones. -

-More hormones. -

I have a plan, but we gotta get her out of here now.

-Todd, no. Becca doesn't belong to you. -But she needs our help.

Do you know how much trouble we'd get in?

There's a policeman in our front yard.

Uh-oh, here comes the responsible suburban housewife.

Gonna do whatever the man says.

You're right. Let's get out of here.

So, now you're just gonna do whatever a teenage girl says?

-Jeezy kableezy, grow a spine. -

Yeah, or a backbone.

Thank you, Becca.

Here chicken, chicken, chicken.

Oh, oh. Well, we're off to the beach.

Just me and my wife, and our teenage daughter and our maid.

-What? Why am I a maid? -Silence, maid!

Honey, do you want to sit in the front or the back?