Friends

Who the winny-binny boy?

Oh, you the winny-winny-binny-binny boy!

Yes.

Don't cry.

Don't cry, huh?

Why is he still crying?

Let me hold him for a sec.

Here we go. Huh?

Huh. There we are.

Maybe it's me.

Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Cranky Pants.

You know, I once dated a Miss Cranky Pants.

Lovely girl. Kind of moody.

There we go, all better.

There's my little boy. Eh.

Can I, uh, see something?

- Cool! - He hates me.

- My nephew hates me! - Come on, don't do this.

What if my own baby hates me, huh? What do I do then?

Monica, stop! This is nuts.

Do you know how long it'll be before you have to deal with this?

You don't even have a boyfriend yet.

Joey, she does not look fat.

Here you go.

Oh, hey, Mon.

Goo, goo, goo!

That is so funny! Let me see that a sec. Ha-ha-ha.

Whoa.

You okay?

I don't know.

What's in this pie?

I don't know. Um, butter and eggs and flour and lime and kiwi...

Kiwi? Kiwi?!

You said it was a key lime pie.

No, I didn't. I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.

That's what's gonna kill me.

Ahem. I'm allergic to kiwi.

No, you're not. You're allergic to lobster and peanuts and...

- Oh, my God! - Uh. It's definitely getting worse.

All right. Is your tongue swelling up?

Either that or my mouth is getting smaller!

- Get your coat. We'll to the hospital. - Uh.

- Will he be okay? - He's gotta get a shot.

Uh, you know, actually, it's getting better. It is.

Let's not go. Anyone up for Scrabble?

Jacket, now!

What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to the hospital.

We'll watch him.

Uh. Ha, I don't think so.

What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids.

Come on, we want to do it. Don't we?

I was gonna play basketball...

...but I guess that's out the window.

If you take him out for a walk, remember to bring his hat.

There's milk in the refrigerator and diapers in the bag.

Hat, milk... Got it!

- Let's go. - Okay.

Consider it done!

You understood?

My uncle Sal has a really big tongue.

Is he the one with the beautiful wife?

Hey, Rach.

You want to hear the song I'm singing this afternoon?

- I wrote it this morning in the shower. - Okay.

I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song

Stop me if you've heard it

My skin is soapy and my hair is wet

And Tegrin spelled backward is nirget

Uh, Rachel, sweetheart, could I see you for a minute?

What's up? - Uh...

FYl:

I've decided to pay a professional musician to play here on Sundays.

Her name is Stephanie something. Uh, she's supposed to be very good.

But what about Phoebe?

Rachel, uh, it's not that your friend is bad.

It's that she's so bad...

...she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain...

...and swirl it around.

Okay, so you're not a fan.

But, I mean, come on. You cannot do this to her.

Uh.

Oh, no, no, no.

- I have to do this to her? - Mm-hm.

Lather, rinse, repeat

And lather, rinse, repeat

As needed

We didn't bring enough stuff.

Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?

I'm telling you, it'll be worth it.

It's a known fact that women love babies, all right?

Women love guys who love babies. It's the sensitive thing.

Aim him at that pack of babes. Maybe one of them will break away.

Wait, forget them. We got one. Hard left.

- Give me the baby. - No, I got him.

Come on, seriously.

Oh, seriously, you want him?

Hello.

Hello.

Who is this little cutie-pie?

Well, don't think me immodest, but...

...me.

Want to smell him?

I assume we're talking about the baby?

Oh, yeah. Ha, ha.

He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.

My uterus just skipped a beat.

What'd I tell you?

It's great you're doing this.

Well, we are great guys.

My brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt.

What agency did you two go through?

But this is my gig.

This is where I play.

My name is written out there in chalk.

You know, you can't just erase chalk.

Honey, I'm sorry.

And he's going to be paying this woman?

Why doesn't he just give her a throne and a crown?

And, like, you know, a gold stick with a ball on top?

Terry is a jerk! That's why we always say, "Terry's a jerk!"

That's where that came from.

Yeah, okay.

You probably did everything you could.

You know what? Let me just see what else I can do.

All right, look, look.

Just let her go on after Stephanie whatever her name is.

You won't be here. You don't pay her.

I don't know.

I'll clean the cappuccino machine!

You don't clean the cappuccino machine?

Of course I clean it.

I mean, I will clean it.

All right, fine, fine, fine!

Oh.

- Done. - Really?

Who's working for you, babe?

- Oh, my God! This is so exciting! I know.

How much am I gonna get?

What?

He's paying the people who were playing.

Oh, no, no, no.

I meant, he's paying that other woman because she's a professional.

I'm not gonna be the only one who's not getting paid.

But, Pheebs...

Uh-uh, I'm sorry, no!

No, I'm not some sloppy second, you know, charity band.

There are thousands of places in this city...

...where people would pay to hear me play.

When I play, I play for me

I don't need your charity

Thank you!

I'm not getting a shot. Maybe they can take the needle...

...and squirt it into my mouth. Like a squirt gun.

Hello there. I'm Dr. Carlin.

I see someone's having a little allergic reaction.

Doctor, can I see you for just a moment?

My brother has a slight phobia about needles.

Did you tell him about my squirt gun idea?

My brother, the Ph.D., would like to know...

...if there's any way to treat this orally?

No.

Under these circumstances, it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.

So?

Oh.

Go and have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's got to be a needle.

You're just going to have to be brave. Can you do that for me?

- Okay. - Okay.

Oh, boy! You are doing so good.

- You want to squeeze my hand? - Yes.

Ross, don't squeeze it so hard.

Honey, really. Don't squeeze it so hard!

Let go of my hand!

Good plan. Next time we want to pick up women...

...we should go to the park and make out.

Taxi! Taxi!

Look at that talent.

Just practicing. You're good.

Carry on.

Wait, wait, wait!

Hey, you. He's just adorable.

Can you tell him that? Because he thinks he looks too pink.

- What are you guys out doing today? - We're not out.

No, no. No.

We're two heterosexual guys hanging with the son...

...of our other heterosexual friend, doing the usual straight-guy stuff.

- You done? - Yeah.

Oh, there's our stop.

Get out of here! This is our stop.

- You guys live around here too? - Yeah, sure.

We live in the building by the, uh, sidewalk.

You know it?

Ha, ha. Since we're neighbors, what do you say we, uh, get together for a drink?

So, uh, you want to go to Markel's?

Oh, sure, they love us over there.