Joey

Alex, as of today, I am officially a homeowner.

And I wanted you to be with me the first time I went into the house.

Joey, are you starting to worry...

...when you move here, we're gonna drift apart?

Yeah, and also there's a scary bug in the pool.

- After you, milady. - No, no, no.

This is a huge moment for you. This is your house.

You should be the first one in there.

You, or all of these people.

- Hey. - What the hell are you doing here?

Getting ready for Thanksgiving.

Well, how did you even get in here? Wasn't the alarm on?

That went off. Security guy showed up.

Little cleavage, bottle of schnapps, and...

There he is bringing chairs in for me.

- I wanted to be in charge of Thanksgiving. - Don't even start.

Everyone knows Thanksgiving is my holiday.

So you just take over my house, and turn the place upside-down?

Is there anyone I know in L.A. Who isn't here?

Okay, nobody panic, but I was just in the pool.

Is there something on my back?

Michael, why didn't you warn me your mother was doing this?

Because she took me by surprise. She forced me to help.

She's gonna ruin Thanksgiving, just like she did last year.

I don't know why she makes such a big deal out of this.

Thanksgiving is supposed to be about having fun and eating and napping.

You know, it's the Joey-est of days.

What is the problem? We'll all be together. It'll be fun.

Obviously you do not know what the Gina Tribbiani Thanksgiving is.

You know how Mom is not the most sentimental person?

I learned that when I gave her a homemade birthday card.

She mimed wiping her butt with it.

Well, Thanksgiving is the one day a year where Gina turns into a...

...sappy, emotional ball of mush.

Yeah, all you wanna do is eat.

Yeah, but you never get to. No snacks, nothing.

Then you got to sit through all the speeches about what we are thankful for...

...and the importance of family.

And the Italian-American immigrant experience.

Which she knows nothing about.

So get ready for an hour of slides about some place called "Ennis Island. "

- Hi. - Hey.

Thanksgiving is really coming together.

I've revised my play about the Tribbiani family journey...

..."From the Boot of Italy to the Torch of Lady Liberty. "

It's called "The Crossing...

...of the Tribbiani Family From The Boot of Italy to Lady Liberty. "

I am not doing another one of her stupid plays.

Last year I had to play a randy immigration clerk...

...who traded visas for favors.

You think I liked being the desperate Italian widow?

If it bothers you so much the way she does Thanksgiving, you should tell her.

I don't know. I hate hurting feelings around the holidays.

It's easier to just tell them what they wanna hear.

- Joey, are we still on for Thanksgiving? - You know it, buddy.

Joey's bringing the turkey. This is the best Thanksgiving ever.

Hey, what's up? Bought you a housewarming present.

Oh, wow, an orange tree.

Oh, I get it.

It's a symbol of our friendship: Young, but it'll grow strong and bear fruit.

Well, I just thought it'd save you money on juice, but okay.

- Hey, I'll even plant it for you. - Oh, thanks.

Hi, Dean Jordan, I live next door.

Joey Tribbiani. I just bought this place.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

You wouldn't have any of my mail, would you?

The mailman always drops my magazines here by mistake.

Oh, this stuff must be yours. So funny, we get all the same magazines.

Maxim , FHM , Playboy , British Playboy .

Used to get German Playboy too, but it started to get weird.

Yeah, that stuff is not sexy.

- So, is this your dirt bike magazine too? - Yeah, I got a little track out back.

Really? Wow, I love dirt bikes.

You should come by sometime. I ride with guys I've known forever.

Unfortunately, my group got a little smaller recently.

- We lost our friend Timothy this year. - Oh, what happened?

One day we're at this rave in Ibiza, and then...

...we get a call in the middle of the night that he got engaged.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

- Look what I found buried in your yard. - What is that?

That's a piece of Indian pottery.

I found a whole bunch of that stuff buried on my property.

Hundreds of years ago, there was an entire civilization right under our feet.

That's kind of interesting. I also found this old Coke can.

Oh my God, they haven't looked like that in years.

Anything you find like this, you got to hide it.

This American Indian group found out I had artifacts on my property...

...they delayed my construction for a year.

This stuff is priceless.

- Hey, even the stripe is different. - I know, and the writing's smaller too.

This is cool.

- Hey. - Hey, where you been?

Been hanging out with Dean. He is great.

He's got a parrot with a dirtier mouth than Gina.

You've been spending a lot of time with that Dean guy.

I really look up to him. The guy's awesome.

He's 50 and he's still single and hanging out with his buddies.

So, instead of a wife and a family...

...he's running around partying like a kid? That sounds lame.

Lame? I'm part owner of one of the original Batmobiles.

Dean, my friend, Alex.

- Hi. - Hello, Alex.

Look at those eyes. They're a beautiful shade of azure.

Azure is a color Dean knows.

Hey, listen, buddy, me and my friends do this kind of...

...bachelor Thanksgiving thing. It's really just a big party.

There's a bunch of single girls, tons of food. You want in?

God, I would love to, but...

...my sister put a work into Thanksgiving, and I would feel too guilty.

I don't know the meaning of the word "guilt. "

But you know "azure"?

I can't believe we keep finding stuff. My garage is almost full.

There can't be anything else out there. We've basically torn up the whole yard.

And I'm as tired as the wolf god after a night of pulling the moon across the sky.

I've been looking at this pottery too long.

- Mr. Tribbiani? - Yeah.

Ray Wyatt from the Native American Historical Society.

Oh, great, Gina's bringing in a guest speaker for tomorrow?

No, I'm here because of your construction.

To make sure you haven't found artifacts.

- May I come in? - Of course, yes, come in.

- You found anything out of the ordinary? - No, not a thing.

How about you, sir, have you found anything?

Well, first of all, I'm Zach. All right.

And, no, I haven't found anything either.

Well, that's really surprising.

Over the years, all of your neighbors have had major finds on their property.

As you can see, we've torn up the yard and we haven't found anything.

My card, and if you find anything...

...we really do appreciate your cooperation. - Okay.

Hey, Joe, you owe me big time, man.

I took all those old Indian plates and bowls from the garage...

...and I donated them to this church charity drive, so... Oh, hi, I'm Michael.

Did Mom get a guest speaker?

All right, I'll get them all back, I promise.

Hey, and as a show of good faith, I do have one bowl.

See, Ray, that's why the cowboys used Tupperware.

Oh, man, look at all those people over at Dean's having a good time.

How great would it be to be over there right now?

- We've got to rehearse our scene, okay? - Fine.

Oh, please, Mr. Immigration Clerk, what can I do to get into your country?

I don't care if you and your children starve.

Four less Italians to besmirch me shores.

- Boy, the Irish do not come off well in this. - No.

Good news, I found the Thanksgiving sweaters you guys wore last year.

Gina, these are so itchy.

- You know what our ancestors itched for? - Freedom.

- Michael, go help Alex set the table. - Yeah.

This isn't how I want to spend this day. I wanna have fun.

- Today is to be there for other people. - I am always there for other people.

Joe, Howard's on the phone. What time you gonna show up at his parents' house?

Oh, tell him I'm stuck in traffic. I'll be there in 15 minutes.

Joey, why can't you just embrace my Thanksgiving?

Today is a day to connect with your roots...

...celebrate our traditions...

...to reflect on the things we have and where we came from.

Hey, I made a lot of preparations for today.

- You owe me this. - No, don't guilt me.

Oh, you feel guilty because you know I'm right.

Now put on your sweater.

Wanna get the extra table. It's kind of heavy.

You just keep folding those napkins, sweetheart.