Senior Moment

Good morning, Southern California.

It's 8:00, and it's going to be

another beautiful day in Palm Springs.

It's your girl Frankie J,

and thank you for listening to your favorite radio station.

Look at you.

Such a dirty girl.

A good shower before a wild ride is all you need.

You make heads turn.

I like that.

- Hi, Victor! - Hi!

In local news, Major Victor Martin

won the Sweet Ride Antique Roadster division.

Way to go, Major.

Your local news is brought to you

by your friends at the Cuckoo Café.

Stop by and check out their famous strudel

and art gallery.

Hey, Victor!

Sal, what are you doing with all those old people?

We learned how to do papier-mâché.

It's good for you.

It stretches the hips, everything.

Let's go.

Aye, aye, aye, aye.

Nice car.

Nice Chihuahua.

What? Why don't you sell it?

I can't hear you! Turn that thing down!

You're too old for that car, gringo.

Why don't you sell it to me?

How about never?

Man, a man your age

should be zipping around on one of them scooter things.

- Do you know that guy? - No.

What do they call a cholo who drives an Impala?

Small theft auto.

Yeah?

What was it like growing up riding dinosaurs?

Good one.

Yo, why do you still drive that thing anyway?

You can't even get it up anymore.

Listen to that big, bad hombre.

You want to see me get it up?

Sure. If you got what it takes.

All right, let's do this.

Yeah!

Oh, boy.

Victor, Victor, Victor.

I guess it's true what they say:

you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

That son of a bitch set me up.

All right, I want you to look me in the eyes

when I tell you this.

I'm looking. You got great eyes.

Doesn't she got beautiful eyes?

- Yeah, you got beautiful eyes. - Guys, I'm serious.

I know you like your ride, but it's got to stop.

This new DA means business.

She's cracking down big time on you seniors.

She's cracking down.

Fail to use your turn signal, you get a ticket.

Driving too slow, ticket. You know how it is.

Pick your friends, pick your nose,

Can't pick your friend's nose.

- What? - Promise me, Victor,

no more shenanigans.

No more shenanigans, I get to pick your nose.

- Yeah, yeah. - Victor...

Thanks for the heads-up, Nancy.

Like two hard-boiled eggs doing the salsa, mm.

Hello, Billy.

- Sonia, honey... - Hm?

Can I get another slice of that strudel, please?

Are you sure?

Oh, I can't get enough.

Let me see if Caroline is still baking.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

Billy wants more.

Ooh, sorry.

Oh, it's gorgeous.

Thanks somewhat.

It's for the auction.

Oh, I don't know how to thank you.

Mwah.

Big day, Victor.

Today this baby's gonna be on the cover of Sweet Ride.

You never done that before, have you?

- No, it's the first time, man. - Yeah.

I mean, I'm so excited.

I like to make the guys jealous.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You'll have a great time.

- I'll try to come. - Really? All right.

Look. Now, right in there.

Oh, that's a good one.

Oh! I think I'm getting aroused.

Good, she's a beautiful girl.

I'm talking about the car.

When's this going to hit the stands?

In August.

August.

That's around the corner.

Holy shit.

What is that?

Oh, that's Ted Garvin.

There's no way that that's Ted Garvin.

That's because the last time you saw him,

he was cruising around in his Caddy, puffing a Cuban.

The picture of a happily retired man.

Jesus.

What happened?

Story I heard, he hit a kid on a bike.

Months, maybe two months ago.

Barely grazed him, but the parents sued,

and he wound up losing his license, his car,

and most of his hair.

They took away his Caddy?

Oh, Jesus.

Look who's here. Hey, honey!

- Hey, baby! - Hi.

Oh, I'm so glad you made it!

Oh! Great!

- Yeah. - Danny, Mike.

- Sal. Guys. - Hey.

Yeah, she's the model, man.

The model.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Captain Hook's piano bar.

Put your hands together and help me welcome up

our unofficial host.

He's calling me up. I got to go.

- Okay. - Do us proud, Vic.

Do us proud.

Major Victor Martin!

Hey! Hey!

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Yeah, this is our bar. We love it here.

We welcome you to Captain Hook's bar,

because once you come in, you're hooked.

And we reel you back in!

Oh, yeah.

- You miss me? - Oh, so much.

I can't believe you got her number.

I think she has the hots for me.

Well, maybe.

Danny and Mike, they almost had a heart attack.

Hey!

Ha, ha, ha.

- Look who it is. - Hey, sorry, old man. I couldn't resist.

Cop was just waiting there with a big old butterfly net.

I'm glad somebody got a laugh out of it.

You want to do it for real this time?

- Get out of here, old man. - -Come on.

Hey, you in, dipshit?

Dipshit?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Whoa!

- Oh! - Oh!

Morons.

I don't know what happened.

Oh! Oh!

- Are you okay? -

I'm too old for this shit!

Mr. Martin, I'm going to ask you one more time.

Are you waiving your right to an attorney?

Absolutely, Your Honor.

This is an open-and-shut case.

I'm a pilot. I know how to drive a car.

Very well. Proceed.

The defense calls, um...

its first witness...

Mr. Salvatore Giuseppe Spinelli.

Mr. Spinelli, would you please come forward?

Your hat, sir.

- Remove your hat, please. - Oh.

Place your right hand on the Bible.

Do you solemnly swear the testimony you are about to give

will be the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

- I do. - Be seated.

Good afternoon, Mr. Spinelli.

Good afternoon, Mr. Martin.

Mr. Spinelli, would you please inform the court

how long you've known the defendant?

Well, we met at Carleton High.

Freshman-year phys ed.

In square dancing class.

There weren't enough girls,

so the teacher paired us up.

And knowing the defendant as...

Knowing the defendant as well as you do...

how would you describe his character?

What-What-What kind of man is he?

The bravest man I know.

Fought in Nam.

Tested jets for NASA.

A true American hero.

And the best damn friend I could ever have hoped for,