Trading Places

Your breakfast, sir.

Pork bellies! l have a hunch something exciting is going to happen

in the pork belly market this morning.

Will Miss Penelope be dining with you this evening, sir?

Yes. Yes, she will.

- Good morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning, Folsey.

- Morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Good morning.

- Morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning.

- Morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning.

Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.

- Morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning, Mr Winthorpe.

- Good morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning.

- Good morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning.

Pork bellies. l knew it. l knew it!

- Good morning, Mr Duke. - Good morning, Mr Duke.

- Good morning, Mr Duke. - Morning, Mr Duke.

- Morning, Mr Duke. - Morning, Mr Duke.

- Mr Duke. - Good morning, Mr Duke.

Good morning, Mr Duke.

When do we sell?

How stupid these scientists are!

The eternal question! There is no question. The answer's obvious.

l don't care about heredity versus environment.

l'm sick and tired of hearing it. l care how much we get for our pork bellies.

Winthorpe will sell at 76 and a quarter.

His charts say that's as high as it'll go.

lt'll never get that high. Let's sell now.

Patience, Mortimer. Let's see if Winthorpe's right.

Winthorpe's wrong. lt's topped out. l say we sell now.

- Just another few seconds. - The market's closing.

We won't get the order in.

We just made an extra $34 7,000.

Get me Winthorpe.

Well, l never had an instant of doubt in my mind, Mortimer.

Yes, l'm sure a lot of people went belly-up on that one.

l'll see you at the club.

Morning Mr Duke.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Thank you very much.

Vietnam did this to me but l'm not bitter, thank you.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah?

Spare a poor war veteran some change? l'm on my knees for life.

l have no money to give you.

Please, anything.

A quarter, just a couple of dollars.

Anything, a quarter, a nickel, please.

Hey, man, l really don't appreciate this.

l don't care what it is, smoked ham, anything, a jacket.

Thanks! How'd you like a stump up your ass?

- Stay outta here! - You've got a lot of soul. l appreciate it.

Listen to this.

''Expect this stagnation to continue,

''until the Department Of Agriculture's

January crop report.''

Exactly as we thought, Randolph.

Wrong! Quite wrong. Untrue.

They've given this genetics fellow

the Nobel Prize. He doesn't know the first thing about human nature.

We're about to make millions of dollars in frozen orange juice

and you're talking about human nature.

Money isn't everything.

Grow up.

Mother always said you were greedy.

She meant it as a compliment.

Ezra, right on time.

l bet you thought l'd forgotten your Christmas bonus.

There you are.

Five dollars! Maybe l'll go to the movies...

by myself.

- Half of it is from me. - Thank you, Mr Mortimer.

- Gentlemen. - Looking good, Louis.

Feeling good, Todd.

We need a fourth for squash today, Louis. Are you interested?

No can do. l'll be having dinner with Penelope, tonight.

- Oh, lucky you. - lt's not luck, Todd.

Randolph, Mortimer.

What have you got for us?

lt's that time of the month again.

Payroll cheques for our employees, which require your signatures.

And no forgetting to sign the big ones.

We are paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.

You can't get around the minimum wage.

$50,000 to Clarence Beeks! Who the hell...

l meant to ask you about that. l went through our records,

and there doesn't seem to be a Clarence Beeks employed with the firm.

Oh, Clarence Beeks. Yes, of course.

- He's doing something top secret for us. - Research.

How is Penelope?

Don't forget she's our grandniece - you'd better make an honest woman of her.

Well, l'll certainly try, sir. The wedding invitations go out this week.

Good. Good work, Winthorpe.

Don't worry about this, Winthorpe.

l'll take care of this one personally.

- Goodbye, Winthorpe. - Goodbye, Winthorpe.

Winthorpe is a very steady young man.

We're lucky to have him managing our firm.

Oh, hogwash. Exeter, Harvard - he's the product of good environment.

lt's got nothing to do with environment.

With his genes, you could put him anywhere and he'd come out on top.

Breeding, same as in race horses. lt's in the blood.

Hey, baby, what's happening? How you doing?

Once you've had a man with no legs, you never go back.

l know what you're thinking. You seen ''Porgy And Bess''?

We can make it, baby. Me and you.

You bitch!

- Who's that? Who's there? - Police!

We've had complaints about con men pretending to be blind and crippled.

l ain't seen nothing since l stepped on that landmine in Vietnam.

lt was very painful.

You were in 'Nam? So were we. Where?

l was in...Sang Bang...

Dang Gong...

l was all over the place, a lot of places.

What unit?

l was with the Green Berets, Special Unit Battalions...

Commando Airborne Tactics... Specialist Tactics Unit Battalion.

Yeah, it was real hush hush.

l was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, that was me.

Airborne, huh?

l can see! l can see!

l have...l have legs.

l have... Oh shit, look at this. Legs! l can walk.

Jesus, praise Jesus.

l appreciate this. Oh, this is beautiful. l can't believe... Thank you.

l don't know what to do it's...

Glory be to God. Praise Jesus. Look at me.

This is too much. l can't believe it.

Ah, beautiful. Listen... l can't thank you. First Moses, now this. God, Jesus...

l'm so happy, oh God. Look at me, this is too much.

What a happy day!

Really, l appreciate it. Y'alls OK now. Look at this.

l can walk. l don't know what to say... l'll be all right. Take it easy.

Y'all beautiful, both of you are, the two of you.

How are you doing?

- Oh, l'm sorry. - Stop thief.

- Help, help! - What are you talking about, man?

Don't kill me, take it, please. l'm getting married.

- l don't want your bag. - Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Help!

He's in there. After him.

- Excuse me. - Watch out. He probably has a weapon.

Stop him. He has my briefcase.

He's inside. That guy's crazy.

He's getting away.

There he is. That's him. Get him.

He's under the table. Somebody go under there.

Right there. There he is.

ls there a problem, officers?

What in heaven's name is going on here?

- He tried to rob the payroll, Randolph. - l didn't, he bumped into me.

l did not. You tried to grab my briefcase.

- lt was an accident. - An accident, really?

- What will happen to him? - We'll book him

on assault, robbery, and resisting arrest.

Well done, Winthorpe.

l'm innocent. l was trying to give his briefcase back.

l can't go to jail cos of some ass-wipe.

Officer, l would like to press full charges.

People like this are a menace to decent society.

You're from a broken home of course?

Yeah, it was broke. So what?

You have a history of juvenile arrests, l presume?

Drug abuse, reform school, state prisons and all that-

l want a lawyer. ls there a lawyer in the house?

That man is a product of a poor environment.

There's nothing wrong with him, l can prove it.

Of course there's something wrong with him...

He's a Negro!

He's probably been stealing since he could crawl.

Given the right surroundings and encouragement,

l'll bet that that man could run our company as well as Winthorpe.

Are we talking about a wager, Randolph?

l suppose you think Winthorpe... say if he were to lose his job,

would resort to holding up people on the streets.

No, l don't think that would be enough for Winthorpe.

We'd have to heap a little more misfortune on those narrow shoulders.

lf he lost his job and his home

and his fiancйe and his friends.

lf he were somehow disgraced and arrested by the police

and thrown in jail, even.

Yes, l'm sure he'd take to crime like a fish to water.

You'd have to put him in the wrong surroundings, with the worst sort of people.

l mean real scum, Randolph.

We've done it before.

This time it's in a good cause.

How much do you want to bet?

- The usual amount. - Why not?

You're so brave, Louis.

Someone has to take a stand against criminals.

But he could have killed you.

ln such a situation, you have no time to think - instinct takes over.

lt's either kill or be killed.

Did Louis tell you what he did today?

Mr Louis kindly shared this afternoon's excitement with me, Miss Penelope.

You're so hot tempered, darling.

l would have grovelled and begged for mercy.

l want you Louis, now.

- Coleman. - Sir?

We'll take our drinks in the living room, by the fire.

- No dessert, sir? - You have it.