Jury Duty

My name is Ronald. I'm 29 years old.

Why are you here today?

To learn about jury duty, see what this whole thing's about,

the process, everything in general.

Would you please introduce yourself to the jury.

He destroyed my career, my business, and my mental health.

Is that accurate? - What are you doing?

This trial will be my last trial.

There's a substance called bromine.

Objection. Sustained.

Could you just please talk to him? He knows what happened.

I will arrest every last one of y'all.

It has sativa in it and Dexedrine.

Hey, hey.

I mean, maybe this is common. I don't know.

But I feel like this can't be that common 'cause just crazy stuff keeps happening.

When they say "jury of your peers," I think that's accurate.

From the people that I've seen in the waiting room,

you have everybody from all classes of people, age groups, everything,

races, ethnicities, you name it.

Everybody's in that waiting room, I feel like.

You want a Twix?

- No, I'm fine. Thanks. - No?

Did you just go to the vending machine?

No, I went in the, um, the little gift shop,

and there was nobody there, so I just took them.

Nice.

So I am, like, an anarchist of sorts. Like, I don't believe in rules.

I don't like institutionalized systems of government.

It's just not my thing.

But then on the other hand, I'm also kind of a fun girl.

I like your glasses.

- Oh, thank you. - You look like Christopher Robin.

Uh, my name's Noah. I just moved here to LA.

I'm from a... I'm from a kinda small town. Um...

Everyone in my hometown said that people in LA were mean,

but people are nice.

People are...

kinda really nice.

You just looked cute over here. I'm sorry.

What? - You, like, reminded me of someone,

but then I was like, oh, I actually, like, wanted to, like,

ask you if you wanted, like, a Chewy Bar or, like, a Big Hunk.

Oh, uh, no, ma'am, no.

Um, I'm all right, but thank you. That's...

That's really big.

I thought you would like it.

I just stood up to get some water at the water fountain,

and somebody just took my seat.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, yeah.

I wear a Water Buffalo canteen backpack.

Um, it sort of is like having

a small water fountain with me all the time.

Although the ultimate objective would be

that one wouldn't need to wear an apparatus at all,

that it would be, um, just an auxiliary reservoir

that would be either grafted onto or inside of the body.

- Yes. - For hydration.

Excuse me. I'm gonna get some water.

- Oh, yeah. - Again.

Good morning.

Yeah, just go right to the window. He'll give you paperwork to fill out.

Okay. All right.

I'm sorry to bother you, but can I take a picture with you, please?

What's that?

Can I take a picture with you, please?

- Just one, just one. - Yeah, yeah, sure.

Okay. Um...

Oh, no, you don't have to...

- Sorry, would you mind taking a picture? - We could do a selfie.

I wanna get the whole... Thank you.

Do you mind?

- Sorry about that. - Okay, here you go.

All right.

Can I kiss you on the cheek? If not, I can pretend.

- Uh, how about just a... - I'll do it from here.

How about just a little...

- How about just an air kiss? - Okay.

All right, we're gonna get in trouble.

- Let me see. - Yeah, check 'em for sure.

Thank you so much.

- Very nice to meet you. Yeah. - Yes, you too. I love you so much.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Oh, shit, dude, that's where I know you from.

You're in X-Men.

Oh.

I've been thinking that this entire time.

I didn't ask your name. Forgive me.

- Ronald. - Ronald?

- Yeah. - James.

- It's a pleasure. - Nice to meet you.

Yeah, I was trying to pinpoint it. I was like, "I've seen you somewhere."

Yeah, but I've been in, like, so much stuff.

It's, like, X-Men and Hairspray and Enchanted

and Westworld and stuff like that, but...

Notebook.

Oh, shit, you're in Westworld? Yeah, I am.

I know him from The Notebook.

He's in The Notebook?

Nuh-uh. What is he in The Notebook?

- The other guy. - He's the other guy?

The guy she really should have got together with.

Oh, my God. I haven't seen that movie in so long.

I didn't even... I didn't realize.

Now, look at his socks over here.

It looked like it said "sonic," and I'm in that movie Sonic.

I'd like to see if Sonic...

Oh, shit, you're in the movie Sonic?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Really? That's the one with...

The new one with Jim Carrey, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I heard that was not a good movie.

Is it funny?

Or is it supposed to be action?

It's, like, action and funny, like, you know, a road trip buddy movie.

It was, like, he and I, and then Jim Carrey plays the...

Are you, like, a main role in it?

- Yeah. - Oh!

Apparently, he's in the new Sonic movie too.

Yeah, he was talking about that a lot.

I'm hoping I get released.

I got a big director meeting at 5:00 I just gotta make.

I haven't got the role yet, but it's a big, big meeting.

There you go.

I mean, how long does this normally take?

- Have you done this before? - I was gonna ask you.

What do people usually say when they're trying to, like, get out of this?

Like, what's, like, the move? Like...

I'm only going off a thing that I've seen on Family Guy,

and that's probably not the best thing to use.

Wait, what was it?

Peter pretends to be racist to get out of jury duty.

That's pretty smart.

To the right, sir. Right.

Thank you. To the right.

Nice.

If we could make this as quiet as possible

and quickly as possible, that would be wonderful.

All rise.

Trial court of the State of California 28th District is now in session.

The Honorable Judge Alan Rosen is presiding.

Sit down, folks.

Respectfully, uh, gentlemen, if you would take off your hats.

Gentleman in the last row, if you could remove your hat,

I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

I've been sitting in this courtroom for 38 years.

And sadly, this trial will be my last trial.

So for want of better words, this is my swan song.

And I think with that,

is there any of you, for any reason, who are unable to sit

for what might be a week or so for this trial?

You, sir, in the front row.

I have a surgery scheduled at the end of the week.

Something...

from inside my body has gotta come out.

Stop. You're okay. Thank you. You may be excused.

I have to pick up kids.

Are you the primary caretaker?

Of picking them up and watching them, yes.

All right, well, then you're excused. Thank you.

Yeah, madam in the second row.

It's just not my thing...

this jury duty stuff.

Madam, I sincerely appreciate you even coming down today.

And if you're not 100% committed, we're gonna excuse you too.

Thank you.

"It's not my thing."

I think this is a good time to break. We'll take an hour recess.

There's a food truck, so hopefully that'll help you out.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you leave the property without telling us,

that's a contempt of court.

You don't wanna do that to yourself, okay?

Oh, shit. Thank you.

- Won't be doing that, I guess. - Yeah, watch it.

Just gotta get the judge to recognize me, you know?

Mm-hmm.

If I do, I feel like when he says, you know, "Oh, that's James Marsden,"

he'll let me off.

I mean, they always do.

Oh, for sure. I mean, the judge seems to be letting everybody go.

Right.

Exactly. Right.

- Can I sit here? - Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

Thank you.

Um, do you, uh...

You want half my sandwich?

- Really? - Yeah.

Yeah.

I would love that.

Oh, shit, there's the judge.

- Is that him? - I think it is.

I wanna ask him if I can...

Your Honor, I have this meeting with a director.

- It's just a work thing. - I'm sorry, I can't talk to jurors.

Wait, did that just work? No.

Oh.

In addition to the 3.6-liter liquid reservoir,

I've also added a reservoir for solids

which can support up to 28 ounces of solid food,