The Middle

Mother's day--

It's about more than brunch, corsages, and cards.

It's about taking a moment to make

that special woman in your life feel extra special.

This Sunday is mother's day,

and I've got a real soft spot when it comes to moms,

so, frances, you're gonna need to work

so the boys here can spend the day with theirs.

But, Mr. Ehlert, I'm an actual mother.

I can't work on mother's day.

Hey, maybe you'll get a pity sale.

Just look a little more raggedy than usual

and put on a sad face. Yeah, that's the one.

Okay, back to work.

Don't worry, Frankie. I'll cover for you Sunday.

Really? Oh! Thank you! Wait. Wait. But didn't you say

you and your mom were doing a whole spa day thing? Yeah, that was the plan,

but, uh, she's spending the day with her new boyfriend,

and she hasn't exactly told him about me yet. How long have they been dating?

About a year.

I have to stop now.

I only scheduled legos from 4:55 to 5:19,

which leaves me two minutes of transition time

till my mom comes.

He's a little quirky.

Quirky.

Hey, there's your mom. Hey, that's your mom.

I know, Arlo, I'm a minute early. Don't sweat it. He's ready to go. Aren't you, pal?

Brick had fun. Oh, would you mind if the boys did this again

a week from Sunday? Arlo is wide open. Brick, too. Sounds good.

Great.

You could've asked me.

A lot of work, that kid. A lot of work.

Oh, ho! Epic fail!

You munched it bad, Darrin.

Okay. Yeah, I gotta dash.

Stew in your stupid, bro. You blew it.

You will not believe what a bonehead Darrin is.

Oh, I might. You don't text a chick to ask her to prom

before the 15th. It's, like, an ironclad rule.

In my opinion, you don't "text a chick" to ask her anything.

You talk to her face-to-face.

Yeah, well, I'm not some dinosaur from the 1800s.

No offense. Oh, none taken. So what's so special about the 15th?

It's basic science. Two weeks out,

you go after your gold-circle hotties,

you know, your premium, floor-level seats.

And if you land one, sweet. But if you get shot down,

you lower your requirements day after day

as the chicks' desperation grows until they converge and bam!

You lock in your level somewhere between front row and loge.

Now if you start too early,

you got no chance at the floor seats.

You're stuck up in the nosebleeds with some uggo.

Mike, you're not gonna believe this.

Mr. Ehlert wanted me to work on Sunday.

This Sunday.

Mother's day?

Oh, I know. I was just too stunned to respond.

What a jerk.

Sue, Axl, Brick, get in here.

Oh! So that's why everybody was making those pot holders.

I probably should've done one.

How could we forget mother's day again?

I count on you guys to remember this stuff. How was I supposed to know

it's even on a Sunday this year? I'm not a calendar. I feel horrible.

I just love mom so much.

She deserves the best mother's day ever.

Yeah, well, that ship has sailed. Now we got three days

to slap something together that doesn't suck.

What does your mom like? She likes driving us places.

And doing our laundry and stuff. And making us soup.

No, she doesn't. Whose mom are you thinking of?

I'm talking about a present. What present would she like?

Come on. This should be easy. The woman has nothin'.

Wait. Last year, I remember her saying

she wished everyone would just leave her alone for the day.

I enjoyed that menopause book I read on the airplane.

Hang on, Brick. Let's let Sue finish.

Sue, she really said that? I totally remember her screaming it to grandma.

Hmm. You really think we could pass that off as our present?

The gift of not us? I like it.

So, listen, I wanna float something by you.

Oh, no. That thing from the magazine?

It's fun to think about, but I don't think it'll work

with our height difference. I disagree. But actually, I was talking about mother's day.

Now the kids and I have been talking about

what to get you for weeks now, and we were wonderin'

how you would feel if as your gift,

we just left you alone for the day.

Yes. Oh, Mike, yes, I would love it.

I mean, not that I don't want to be with you and the kids.

Oh, we know. We wanna be with you, too. But if they're excited about the idea...

They are pretty excited. Well, if they're excited, then I guess we should do it.

She went for it. All you guys gotta do is make her a card,

and we're home free. A card? Ohh!

So mother's day was here,

and I woke up to a sound I'd never heard before-- Silence.

Mike? Axl? Brick? Sue?

I didn't know what to do first-- Read...

Sleep...

Watch "Oprah"...

Ooh, maybe I'd even go to the bathroom

without someone pounding on the door.

Damn it. Don't have to go.

Since I accidentally borrowed a few "people" magazines

from my last dentist visit, I decided to read.

And then I remembered something-- I'm blind.

But when I went to the junk drawer for my glasses,

stupid thing was stuck.

But you know what? Not a problem.

I had a whole free day ahead of me,

and I'd been wanting to fix that drawer for weeks.

An hour later, I was done.

Now I just had to put the giant screwdriver

back where it belonged,

and the rest of the day was mine.

Oh, there's that flashlight.

So I decided to go through the batteries because you gotta

have a flashlight in the house with batteries.

But when I went to put it in Mike's nightstand,

it was stuck, too.

And then I found something you never want

to find in your husband's nightstand,

something I couldn't ignore--

An unpaid gas bill.

Billing! Billing! I pressed "4."

I want to talk to a human. Human!

And then after defrosting the freezer

and scotchgarding the winter shoes,

I don't even know how I ended up here.

Crap.

Oh, no!

It can't be 7:45!

This can't be happening.

I blew my whole mother's day.

We're home! Hey, there she is, reading on the couch.

So did you have a great mother's day? So great. How was your day?

I'll let the kids tell you. Guys? Oh! It was so good!

Oh. It was amazing! So awesome, mom. We had so much fun!

Okay, slow down. One at a time.

We wound up going to Brown County. You went to Brown County? I love Brown County!

I didn't know you were planning on going there.

No, we weren't. You know, we were just kinda driving around,

and we realized we were halfway there,

so we figured, what the hell? There was this fair with all these rides

and a huge ferris wheel. It was awesome!

I was a little scared at first, but then Axl tickled me,

and I forgot all about it! She had the funniest laugh, so then we all started laughing,

and then the whole-- The whole ferris wheel's laughing. And then we had a picnic lunch.

Of course you did. Mom, you should've been there. We had rhubarb, lemonade

and pretzel-crusted fried chicken. And these tiny cakes baked in a jell-o mold.

And we met this amazing family named the Clarys... The Clarys.

And they had these kids that were exactly our age,

and we ended up playing volleyball with them. Net face.

Net face! Net face! What's net face?

Whenever we needed a point, dad would stick his face

in the net and go, "net face. Net face."

And the Clarys would crack up,

and they couldn't make the point. You're so funny, dad.

Stop.

You stop. Why don't you both stop?

Oh, hey, almost forgot-- We got somethin' for you.

You got me one of those old-timey photos

that I've always wanted to take as a family,

but nobody's ever had the patience to do it. Yep. Now you'll always remember this mother's day.

I sure will.

You know, it's funny, I've never been a good gift giver,

but I gotta tell ya, I really think we nailed this one.

Yep. Play your cards right,

I might even leave you alone on Christmas.

Hey. Whoa. What's going on?

What's this? Wh-what's happening?

I had a horrible mother's day!

What are you talking about? You said you had a great day.

I lied. I couldn't find my glasses,

and I shoved the spatula in the stuck drawer,

and the freezer was all crusty,

and I just frittered away the whole day.

The whole day!

And you guys had the best day ever in Brown County!

Oh, no, no. It wasn't that great.

It was-- It was hot, and it was crowded

'cause there were so many moms there.

No, that's not what I meant. Uh, we didn't have fun

because we all missed you. Oh, please! Look at this picture.

You have never been happier.

It's as if you had the mother's day

you would've had if I were dead! No, Frankie, stop it.

You know what? We can have another mother's day, okay? Yeah, next year.

No. No, next weekend. We can all go back to Brown County

and we can do it all again with you. How's that sound?

Think you might stop crying if we did that?

I think I might.

Mom screwed up her mother's day,

so next Sunday we're doing it again.

Come on, guys. Second mother's day can't start without us.

Let's hit the road. Axl, quit messing with the phone

and get in the car. Shh. It's the 15th.

I'm texting my number one prom draft pick-- Maddie Heldman.