What I Like About You

HEY, HEY, DO THESE PANTS MAKE MY BOTTOM LOOK BIG?

BOTTOM.

YOU´RE SO AMISH.

HEY, SOME GUY FROM SPORTS UNLIMITED CALLED.

HE SAID THAT YOUR NOLAN RYAN BASEBALL CARD

WON´T BE READY UNTIL 3:00.

OH, 3:00? YOU´RE KIDDING.

YEP. MADE THE WHOLE THING UP.

SHOOT. I REALLY NEED THAT CARD.

IT´S FOR A CLIENT I´M TRYING TO SIGN.

HE´S A PITCHER,

AND NOLAN RYAN IS LIKE HIS FAVORITE,

AND NOW I´M NOT GOING TO HAVE TIME TO PICK IT UP.

BUMMER.

NO, PLEASE, COME ON. IT´S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME.

YOU CAN PICK IT UP RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.

I DON´T KNOW. I´M PRETTY BOOKED.

WHAT DO YOU DO THAT IS SO IMPORTANT?

FIRST OF ALL, I HAVE TO MEET HENRY BEFORE SCHOOL

BECAUSE HE THINKS WE DON´T SPEND ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER.

AND GARY´S GOING TO BE THERE BECAUSE HE THINKS

I SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH HENRY.

AND THEN I HAVE SCHOOL, WHICH SUCKS.

AND THEN AFTER SCHOOL, I HAVE A JOB I HAVE TO GO TO.

OKAY, WHAT ABOUT THE 2-HOUR WINDOW BETWEEN SCHOOL AND WORK?

THEN I HAVE TO MEET WITH JESSICA L.

AND JESSICA R. FOR COFFEE, BECAUSE THEY THINK

I SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH HENRY AND GARY.

AND THEN I NEED AT LEAST 15 MINUTES OF DOWN TIME

SO I CAN DE-STRESS FROM EVERYONE PULLING AT ME!

OKAY, HERE´S THE ADDRESS.

JUST SWING BY THERE AND PICK IT UP

30, OKAY?

AND DROP IT OFF AT THE STANDARD.

OKAY, WHAT ABOUT STUDYING?

DON´T YOU WANT ME TO GET INTO A GOOD COLLEGE?

LOOK, IF I GET THIS CLIENT, I´LL GET A PROMOTION,

AND THAT MEANS MORE MONEY.

THEN I CAN JUST BUY YOU INTO COLLEGE,

AND YOU´LL NEVER HAVE TO STUDY AGAIN.

I JUST HAD A CANCELLATION.

OKAY, WOULD YOU STILL BE WITH ME

IF I GAINED 600 POUNDS

AND COULD ONLY BATHE IN A KIDDIE POOL?

YOU´RE NOT GOING TO GAIN 600 POUNDS.

YOU´VE BEEN TRYING TO BREAK 140 SINCE I MET YOU.

HA HA HA.

WOULD YOU STILL BE WITH ME IF I COULDN´T HELP IT,

BUT I TALKED AT THIS VOLUME ALL THE TIME!?

PROBABLY.

BUT WE´D STAY INSIDE A LOT MORE.

MAN, LISTENING TO THE TWO OF YOU

TALK ABOUT STUPID THINGS MAKES ME MISS JILL

EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY DO.

WOULD YOU STILL BE WITH JILL IF HER KNEES WERE INVERTED

AND SHE WALKED LIKE AN OSTRICH?

HELL NO!

I GOT TO TAKE OFF. I´LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

SEE YOU. BYE.

SO, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ALL THESE WEIRD QUESTIONS?

WELL, UH...

I DIDN´T WANT TO WORRY YOU,

BUT I HAVE TO HAVE MAJOR SURGERY.

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT IS IT?

I HAVE TO HAVE MY WISDOM TEETH REMOVED.

THAT´S IT? THAT´S THE MAJOR SURGERY?

THEY´RE IMPACTED!

THEY HAVE TO PUT ME UNDER, AND I HEARD

THAT SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN GO INTO A COMA.

YOU´RE GOING TO BE FINE.

THAT´S WHAT EVERYONE SAYS.

NO ONE THINKS THEY´RE GOING INTO A COMA

WHEN THEY GO INTO A COMA.

TELL YOU WHAT. HOW ABOUT I GO WITH YOU?

I PROMISE THAT WHEN YOU WAKE UP,

MY FACE WILL BE THE FIRST THING YOU SEE.

THAT´LL BE AWESOME.

USUALLY IT´S MY DOG´S ASS.

UH-OH. THERE GOES RACHEL.

PETER´S ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK, AND HE´S ALREADY

FIRED LIKE THREE PEOPLE FOR NO REASON.

THAT´S NOT TRUE. RACHEL NEVER DID ANY WORK.

SHE TOOK 3-HOUR LUNCHES, AND SHE WAS ALWAYS

TAKING CREDIT FOR THINGS SHE DIDN´T DO.

OH, MY GOD! PEOPLE NOTICE THAT STUFF?

WHAT BOTHERS ME IS HE´S REPLACING THEM

WITH ALL HIS BUDDIES.

IT´S GETTING MORE AND MORE LIKE A FRAT HOUSE AROUND HERE.

NOW IF HE´D JUST FIRE THE REST OF YOU BROADS,

I´D BE THE ONLY SWEETHEART AT THE KEGGER.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE.

HI. GOOD MORNING.

I´D LIKE INTRODUCE YOU ALL TO ALAN, MARK, AND JOSH --

A.K.A. "THE CHEESE,"

"THE HAMMER," AND "THE DAWG"!

THESE GUYS WERE ALL PART OF MY TEAM IN CHICAGO,

AND WE´RE VERY LUCKY TO HAVE THEM.

OKAY, ANY NEW BUSINESS?

ACTUALLY, YEAH.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT RANGERS GAME LAST NIGHT?

I MEAN, I NEVER THOUGHT I´D GET TURNED ON

BY A BUNCH OF GUYS,

BUT THAT WAS A HELL OF A GAME!

WHOO, TALK TO ME!

OKAY, UM, I HAVE SOMETHING...

NOT QUITE AS HOMOEROTIC AS THE OTHER THING.

UM, THE METS JUST SIGNED THIS NEW GUY, MIKE LOGAN,

AND APPARENTLY HE´S NOT VERY HAPPY WITH HIS P.R. FIRM.

SO I´VE BEEN HARASSING HIS AGENT,

AND I HAVE A MEETING WITH MIKE TODAY,

4:00 AT THE STANDARD.

THAT IS EXACTLY THE WAY I LIKE TO DO BUSINESS.

GREAT WORK.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

OKAY, ALAN, WHY DON´T YOU GET VAL´S NOTES AND CONTACT INFO?

I´D LIKE YOU TO GO TO THE STANDARD

AND TAKE THAT MEETING.

YOU GOT IT.

GREAT. ANYBODY GOT ANYTHING ELSE?

NOPE, THAT´S IT. NOTHING ELSE.

ALL RIGHT, HAVE A NICE DAY.

DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?

HE JUST GAVE MY CLIENT TO ALAN. THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE.

YEAH, I KNOW.

IT SEEMS LIKE THE MEN FAVOR EACH OTHER OVER US.

HOW ODD.

I´M SORRY, BUT THAT´S JUST UNACCEPTABLE.

I AM GOING TO GO IN THERE AND GET MY CLIENT BACK.

YOU DO THAT.

YOU GO IN THERE, AND YOU FIGHT FOR WOMEN EVERYWHERE!

I´M GONNA GO TO THE BATHROOM AND PRETTY MYSELF UP.

HI. CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

YEAH, SURE. COME ON IN.

HEY, MIKE LOGAN -- WAY TO GO.

YEAH, ABOUT THAT --

UM, I WAS WONDERING WHY THE CLIENT I BROUGHT IN,

YOU HANDED OVER TO SOMEBODY NAMED "THE CHEESE DAWG."

DID YOU DO IT BECAUSE WHEN WE WENT OUT TO DINNER,

I CALLED YOU A PIG?

BECAUSE I REALLY DON´T THINK I SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR THAT.

OH, MY GOD, NO.

NO, I ONCE HAD A WOMAN CALL ME A SICK BASTARD,

AND THE NEXT MORNING,

I STILL LET HER MAKE ME BREAKFAST.

OKAY, UH, DID YOU DO IT BECAUSE ALAN IS A MAN?

WELL, HE KNOWS BASEBALL. HE´S A GUY.

HE KNOWS WHAT OTHER GUYS ARE INTO.

OH, OKAY.

YOU DON´T THINK I´M CAPABLE OF TALKING ABOUT SPORTS

AND BEER AND HOT GIRL-ON-GIRL ACTION?

ARE YOU SURE WE CAN´T GO OUT AGAIN?

LOOK, I HAVE RESEARCHED THIS GUY

FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS.

I KNOW WHAT HE LIKES. I KNOW WHAT HE DISLIKES.

I KNOW WHAT HIS OLD FIRM DID FOR HIM,

AND BETTER YET, I KNOW WHAT THEY DIDN´T DO FOR HIM.

AND I REALLY THINK THAT I SHOULD BE THE ONE

WHO MEETS WITH HIM.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU´RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

LOGAN´S YOUR GUY. YOU DID ALL THE LEGWORK,

AND WE´LL MEET YOU THERE 00.

"WE"?

LISTEN, VAL, I´VE HAD MOST OF MY SUCCESS

WORKING AS A TEAM.

THAT´S JUST PART OF MY BUSINESS PHILOSOPHY.

BUT IT´S YOUR MEETING, OKAY?

OKAY.

THAT SOUNDS FAIR.

HEY, YOU NEED A NICKNAME.

YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?

UM, YEAH, I HAD ONE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

GREAT. WHAT WAS IT?

"PICKLES."

"PICKLES."

YEAH.

I LIKE PICKLES.

HEY, HOW´S HENRY DOING? IS HE ASLEEP YET?

YEAH. IT TOOK A WHILE.

I ASKED HIM TO COUNT BACKWARD FROM 10,

AND HE JUST KEPT SAYING, "I´M GOING TO DIE."

THAT´S MY MAN.

HELLO?

HEY. I WAS JUST WONDERING

IF YOU PICKED UP MY NOLAN RYAN CARD YET.

SURE DID.

WHERE ARE YOU?

TWO MINUTES AWAY.

YOU´RE THE BEST.

I KNOW. BYE.

OH, MY GOD!

HEY, VAL.

HEY. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WHY ARE YOU WITH MIKE LOGAN?