Emelie

I don't know, he just seems to be working us a lot harder lately.

Practices are getting a lot rougher and a lot of exercise and a lot of running.

You know how I love running. I don't know.

Yeah, I heard there was a party going on tonight, I don't know if I want to go.

I don't know if I want to sit around Robbie's basement

while you guys make out in the laundry room.

Which Mark, Mark Mendola?

It doesn't matter. I'm babysitting. Yes, again.

I don't know maybe. How late are you gonna be hanging out?

- Hi, sorry. - I gotta go.

Do you know where the post office is?

The post office? I'm not real good with directions.

Oh, hey. Can you help this lady get to the post office?

- Are you Anna? - Yeah!

Jacob, can you come down here?

Your dad should be home any minute with a new sitter.

Get down here and help me with your brother.

Bye, Mom!

Hi.

- You must be Anna. - And you're Mr. Thompson?

- Yeah, yeah, call me Dan though. - It's so nice to meet you.

Yeah, Maggie has been a lot less reliable since she got her braces off.

I don't know what's going on with that.

It's me and my wife's anniversary tonight, so you're really saving our butts here.

- Happy anniversary. - Thank you. Thank you.

So, the kids have had play dates with the Abbott girls.

Ashley and... what's the little quiet one's name?

- I forget. - I just call them sleepy and grumpy.

Sleepy and grumpy, that's good.

Yeah, well, our kids, they tend to be more energetic.

They're good kids, great kids.

They're just...

And then there's... then there's our oldest.

He's 11, he just started middle school and...

you know... stones are dropping.

- You know what I mean? - It's okay, I can handle an 11 year old.

Yeah, Maggie said you were quite the... child herder.

You got a Facebook page and everything.

- Did you see my page? - No, no. I don't...

I barely go on the computer.

Yeah, I don't have one of those. It's a little too much sharing.

But Joyce might've.

And what age are the other two?

Sally just turned 9, she just had her birthday.

And Christopher is 4.

He's a... he's a cute little guy.

He won't give you much of a problem.

They're good ages.

- Give it back, Christopher! - Boys, slow it down.

Mama?

- Is the new babysitter a girl? - Yes, she's a girl.

Because I like it when I'm not the only one all the time.

- You can't catch me! - Guys!

You guys. No, no, no. No jumping. Come on, keep it downstairs.

Jacob! Hey!

- Jacob! - I'm okay, Mommy.

- Little idiot! - Jacob.

- You know what? - What?

Hand it over.

Jacob!

- Hand it over! - He won't leave me alone!

The kid won't leave me alone, it's not my fault.

Give me the game.

- Till the weekend. - For what?

I can't keep doing this with you.

You want me to keep paying for babysitters till you're in college?

Yes.

Like it or not, you're the big brother, and I need you step up.

You're not a little anymore.

- Jakey's gotta take care of us. - Shut it, meat bag.

Hey!

Hey, Jake. Jake, you there?

- Pick up! - Hey. Yeah. Howie. What do you want?

Wanna come watch me play The New Dark Realm?

No, no, I can't. Getting babysat tonight.

Maggie's coming over? She so fine now she got her braces off.

No, not Maggie. Someone new.

Her best friend or something.

My mom let's me watch my sister after school till she gets home from work

- and I'm born three months after you. - Good for you.

Hey, so, remember how my cousins went on vacation to Nevada?

Well, they brought me back something that's gonna blow your hole.

- What is it? - I stashed it in your tree house.

- Meet me there after bedtime. - Alright.

I'll think about it.

Over and out.

Hon?

Hon, how we doing?

Hon? Okay.

Hi, I'm Joyce.

Hi. It's so nice to meet you. Your house is beautiful.

Sorry it's kind of a mess.

- I'll be right down. - Okay.

- Can I get a hug before we go? - Daddy!

Thank you. Thank you. I'll miss you, too.

- You smell funny, Dad. - It's Cologne. Your mom got it for me.

- What's cologne? - It's like perfume for Daddies.

Okay, guys. This is Anna, she's your babysitter for tonight.

- Anna! - Hi.

- I'm Sally. - And I'm Christopher!

- That's my brother Christopher. - Hey, Christopher.

- Oh, who's that guy? - That's Glow Nose.

Glow Nose. Okay.

- He was my... No, he was Jake's... - He was my...

...when he was a little kid, and then he was Sally's, and now he's mine.

- He looks like he's had a lot of love. - Yes, he does.

Chris and Sal are babies. I don't need her here.

You know, this a really special night for your mom and me.

When are you gonna be back?

You'll be asleep.

Get downstairs and meet the new sitter.

They already ate dinner but if they get hungry they can have a snack.

There's cookies, crackers, gummies are in the cupboard.

There should be some baby carrots in the crisper. Yes, there are.

- I left the number for the restaurant... - I have a pet hamster.

- And the number for my cell phone. - His name's Admiral Wubbles.

Yeah? You'll have to introduce me.

- Do the kids have their own phones? - "No cell phones till high school."

That's right, family rule. But feel free to call my cell anytime, with any questions.

- Okay. - He's coming down.

What else does she need to know?

Let's see.

They will probably try to convince you to let them play in the garage.

- Do not let them. - What's in the garage?

A '73 Corvette Stingray Coupe that I restored myself.

- So... - Nice.

Yeah. Yeah, I had it bored and stroked to a 383.

- Got about 400 horsepower in that... - I thought we were in a rush?

Yeah, yeah, we are. And we're taking the minivan.

So, bedtime is nine o'clock.

Jacob can stay up till 9:30 but only to read.

They so should go down easy because we had soccer practice today.

This one had ballet.

Any allergies or medications I should know about?

- No, nothing like that. - Nope, good genes.

You have to watch Christopher brush his teeth.

Otherwise he just eats the toothpaste.

There he is. This is Jake, our oldest.

- Jake, this is Anna, the new sitter. - Hi, Jake.

Say hello.

- Hey. - A wealth of conversation.

He's mad at me because I took away his... what is it called, hand-held DX thing.

Where is my good coat? Is it upstairs or where is it?

Right in front of you.

Alright, kids, gather around. Where's Christopher?

- Christopher! - It's your anniversary!

- Say goodnight. - Goodnight.

- Nighty night! - Alright, listen up, you three.

Anna here is in charge, okay?

You be good and do what she says. Capiche?

- Ka-peach. - Ka-peach, ka-peach, ka-peach!

- Good night, guys. - Good night.

- Home by eleven. - Enjoy your meal. Happy anniversary!

- Thank you. Bye guys, I love you! - Love you.

Love you, too!

What shall we play?

- Do you want to draw? - No.

What do you want to do? We could play board games?

- We could do make-up. - No! I'm a boy!

Can we get ice cream?

Oh, let's play dress-up!

Yes, let's play dress-up!

You coming, Jacob?

Don't bother. Jacob never plays with us anymore.

Dress-up's for girls, Chris.

Okay, what dress should I wear?

- This one, this one, or this one? - That one!

- Which? - This one.

- Right? - That's awesome!

That's the best darn dress that I ever saw!

And then she becomes queen.

And so then they can't decide who's gonna be queen again...

So why don't they play 'rock paper scissors says shoot?'

- They can't play rock paper scissors. - Oh, yeah.

And so then they decide that they're both gonna rule together.

Hey, guys.

What if I told you...

that you don't have to be a boy, or a girl, or a human,

or really anything?

You can be whatever you wanted.

And all you had to do was pretend.

Because pretending is this... super power we all have.

When we pretend, we can be anyone we want to be.

When you get really good at it...

people won't even know you're pretending anymore.

- I wanna play pretend! - Good.

Cool room.

It's alright.

Lemur-boy?

You ever read Death Vice?

No. Mom and Dad say it's too violent.

Well, your parents aren't here right now, are they?

See ya later?

I never feel great leaving them with someone we don't know.

I thought Anna seemed like a very nice girl.

Yeah, I noticed.

The kids are gonna be fine, okay?

Jan Abbott said that Anna is great with her girls

and we both know that they're nightmares.

Tonight's about us.