The Rockford Files

Didn't you notice I was wearing glasses what do you mean don't count on too much

I'm counting on you and this girl scout troop in here to solve it shut up every

time you come in here with a bloody nose morale goes up 10 points what are you hard

up for work or something could I have my pants please.

You wouldn't be setting me up, would you?

Of course not.

Don't be silly.

You got 30 seconds, Mr. Rockford, then you're leaving, so get it set, whatever it is.

From what I want to say, you won't want them to hear.

This.

Is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name and message.

I'll get back to you.

Jim, it's Norma at the market.

It bounced.

You want us to tear it up, send it back, or put it with the others?

Excuse me.

Did you, uh, see a man come by here dressed in a cowboy hat a minute ago?

He had to come by here.

He had a cowboy hat, you know, 10-gallon hat, jeans, boots, all that.

What color horse?

I know I'm amusing you, but could you give me a straight answer?

Okay.

Did you see him?

No.

Thanks.

I'm sorry.

No, I didn't see a cowboy.

I was reading my book and he could have passed me, but I doubt it.

Okay, thanks.

Well, what else could I think?

I mean, I'm sitting at the beach and I look up and there you are with a trout fishing pole asking about a cowboy.

I mean, I hate to tell you, but the trout fishing in the ocean is lousy.

It was a disguise, sort of.

Oh, that's clever.

Wingtip shoes and a spinning rod.

Do you ever say anything that isn't glib?

What do you do when you're not hunting cowboys?

I sell greeting cards.

Is there much money in that?

What?

I said, is there much money in greeting cards?

Oh, Christmas and Easter isn't too bad, but Mother's Day just sort of lays there.

A sign of the times.

Hey, my apartment's that white building about a mile up the main highway.

Why don't you come by and have a drink?

You're not in there.

I already looked.

Oh, it's not because I haven't tried.

Oh, I'm sure.

I read it because it has the names of rich people in it.

And then I go out and I try to marry one.

At least it's not as seasonal as greeting cards.

Oh, you'd be surprised how hard it is to be spontaneous and blunt at the same time.

Rich people find that an attractive quality.

I'll bet.

All right, what's going on?

Nothing.

We're just having a drink.

Maybe we'll get to be friends.

But it just doesn't figure.

I mean, my bank statement is a nightmare in red.

You wouldn't be setting me up, would you?

Of course not.

Don't be silly.

You didn't put something in that drink.

Oh, I sure called that one.

Well, what else did he tell you?

Nothing.

Greeting cards, huh?

Okay, hot shot, who are you?

Let's go, boy.

Why were you following me?

Wake up.

Oh, hey, hey, give me a minute, will you, huh?

What have you been doing, anyway?

Ed, would you mind not pointing that thing at me, please?

You better get to talking, mister.

Who are you?

Lieutenant Larry Dent, LAPD, and you better have a permit for that thing.

You ain't no cop.

You got no gun or ID.

Now, you're gonna start telling me what I want to know, or you're gonna wind up on

the critical list in one big hurry, savvy?

Yeah, right, right.

Right, now, why are you following me?

Well, you didn't really need to go to all this trouble, Travis.

I wasn't having any luck.

I was having a lot of luck following you, so I was going to ask you about it anyway.

Ask me about what?

I'm investigating the Kirkoff killings, and I heard you were having an affair with Mrs.

Kirkoff before she was killed.

I told you.

Private cop, huh?

Look, you aren't going to shoot anybody, and we both know it, so why don't you just

put that thing away before you have an accident?

Who are you working for?

Well, that's confidential.

Larry Kirkoff.

Larry Kirkoff?

What are you, hard up for work or something?

Could I have my pants, please?

What are you messing around with me for?

Now, I didn't kill anybody, and I sure wouldn't kill Jenny.

Look, it's obvious I made a mistake, so why don't we just forget it happened, and I'll go on my way, all right?

Larry Kirkoff killed his own parents.

Everybody knows that.

The cops, the DA, the paper system.

Now, I have been sitting here answering questions in my shorts for a reasonable length of time.

Now, I want my pants, and I want to get out of here, all right?

Give him his pants.

You know, you're a sucker, pal.

Everybody knows it.

It's that kid Dunn and his own parents.

He was indicted for it and everything.

All right, you got a good point there, but Larry seems to have another theory.

The D.A.

didn't press it and the cops are not working on it, so, you know, I agree with you.

I am probably just wasting my time.

You and me is going to take a little ride.

Just where are we going?

Just shut up and put that coat on.

What are you going to do, Travis?

This guy could start trouble for us.

I'm going to make sure he stays out of our way.

Let's go.

Oh, look, if you don't mind, I came here alone.

I'd just as soon leave alone.

No, I can mess you up right here if that's the way you want.

All right, all right.

Well, look, Travis.

You know, I fell for that trick once myself.

Works pretty good, doesn't it?

Where's my camera?

Why'd you do that?

Just for the fun of it.

Travis is right.

Larry Kirkoff is guilty.

All he wanted you for is to make his country club friends think he didn't do it.

The way it is now, nobody wants him around.

Oh.

You were saying?

I followed Travis, and you were right.

He was having an affair with your mother.

I knew it.

If you want my opinion, he didn't kill your parents.

I'm not paying you for your opinions, Mr. Rockford, only for your observations.

Yeah, well, I'm having a special this week, so, uh, my opinions come with no extra charge.

I could care less.

Opinion number one is, Travis just doesn't figure.

I mean, your mother was putting money in a bank account for him, she was giving him pretty new horses to train.

Once your parents were killed, all that stopped, so I just don't see how he makes any sense as a killer.

Have you ever heard of sheer jealousy, Mr. Rockford?

Or of lover's quarrels?

Just put it down there.

I'll find a place.

What I'm trying to say is I think we've run out of things to go on.

I'll notify you when I think we've run out of clues.

Could you get him to stop that?

Salvador, come.

Tell them to keep an eye on those movers in there, will you?

And I'll be served now?

Salvador, lie down.

Opinion number two is, you still look better for this than anyone around.

I can see why the grand jury indicted you.

And I can see why you don't charge for your opinions.

They aren't worth very much.

Look, if the DA had a case against me, he would have brought me to trial, which he didn't.

And the police would still be investigating me, which they aren't.

They're not investigating, period.

There's a reason for that.

They're sure you did it, they just can't pin it on you, so for the time being, it's inactive.

And what are your other opinions?

Well, opinion number three is that for someone who's supposed to be broken up

over the death of their parents, you're having way too much fun redecorating this place.

I have to live here now, Mr. Rockford.

My father's taste in furniture was Victorian, like him.

He was a sanctimonious, self-righteous man.

He's been dead for three months now.

I'm just getting rid of some things.

What's wrong with that?

It has a real lack.

A lack of style.

I'll just send you a bill for my time.

I'm afraid that won't do.

It'll have to.

How much more do you want, Mr. Rockford?

I mean, no one could be in a racket like yours without being influenced by money.

Not me.

Especially you.

I'd say your price is hovering around $20,000.

A bonus of 20 grand when you find out who killed my parents.

If you killed your parents, and I can't prove it, it's going to be a long time

getting to the cashier's window, isn't it?

I made my offer, Mr. Rockford.

I'm not going to bicker about it.

$20,000 buys a lot of groceries.

Well, there is one more thing I could look into, and then I'll let you know.

Of course.

What is it?