Poslední plavky

-Where's Ho Chi Minh? -Boss not here, I take key.

Sign here. Not to be sentimental, but stuff is missing every year.

Last year it was nine, I repeat, nine teaspoons.

And that pisses me off!

If it happens again, I'll come down on you like Rambo, got it?

-Rambo? -Yep. This is your signature?

Is it an incantation? I'd know if it was.

Don't laugh so much. You'll get no discount.

Because of the likes of you, I'll be rotting in hell for six months.

Have a great crossing. It's a great travel agency, so enjoy!

Petržalka our prefab hell

Getting drunk is what we do so well

I only wear the coolest gear

My bed's warm when a chick is there

Hey, you prick!

If I don't pay attention to the TV

I think things are happening to me

Working makes me feel like a geek

The same food every day of the week

Hey, you prick!

Hey, you prick! Hey, you prick!

I didn't mean you! It's just a song…

Trabants vanished like the Škoda MB Mercedes and Mazda are now all I see

Smugglers exchange Indians for goods Taking trails marked out by hoods

-Hey, you prick! -Hey, you prick!

-Hey, you prick! -Get back here!

Kuchar Consulting, may I help you? Excuse me?

Try speaking slowly and clearly so I can hear you.

Oh, it's you Kristyna…

What? Talk quick, I don't have time.

I'm working. People keep calling me.

What? Sorry, other line…

Well, what do you want? What? Someone called, okay?

I have work to do, deals to make. What?

I can't hear you. There's no signal. I'll be at the lake soon.

What? She ran away? Who ran away?

I can't hear you, Kristyna. There's no signal.

The lines are disappearing: one, two, three… No signal.

Don't be surprised I can't hear shit when there's no signal.

ANGEL'S LAKE RECREATION CENTER

-We've got mice, sir. -My mood is important to me, Kamil.

-Don't put me in a bad one. -You don't understand.

Some fucking mice gnawed the cables and the tap is electrified.

It sparks in several places. We have to eliminate the symptom.

-The symptom? -The symptom!

You got smart over winter, Kamil. Did you get cable TV?

No, I mean the reason why we can't get here in winter…

I understand. Go get old Vrtilek to come isolate the symptom.

Tell him not to worry, we'll work things out.

Are you sure, sir? This might eventuate in…

"Eventuate"?

Good dog, Pepi, good dog! Sir! Sir!

-Sir! Mr. Vrtilek said no. Run! -What?

-What'd you tell him? -That you'd come see him about the electricity.

But he said he won't jump when a murderer whistles.

And he called you a fucking asshole and a little Prague orc.

So I called him what you usually do: commie asshole.

I'm not sure how to respond to that, Kamil.

God damn it!

God, what's he doing?

Is that dog still after us?

Sir! Sir! Jarda, sir!

God damn it! Ouch! No biting! No biting! Oh, lord…

Stupid drooling mutt!

That stupid bastard doesn't even know he's stupid.

Like owner, like dog. And he wrecked havoc on your face.

You know, Kamil, I was in shock.

I don't even know how I got in the car.

Ask me why I ran with you. Okay? Ask me, Kamil.

Ask me why I ran with you, why I went through that whole nightmare.

-Go ahead and ask me. -Why?

So you wouldn't be alone, you dick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Hey, guys! -Hi. -You're late.

Hi, Jarda. Hi, Kamil.

Damn, you got a brand-new ride, eh?

We met old Vrtilek on the way. Man, he looked steamed.

-Yeah, and? -He says you hurt his dog and he's gonna thrash you.

You're skating on thin ice, Petr. And it's June!

You don't want your best customer to take his business elsewhere?!

Where would we get supplies, sir? They find everything VAT free.

This battle of wits, Kamil, has no winners, you know.

-Right, you bimbo? -Right…

Come on, Jarda! Be a little generous.

-That dog is all that old Vrtilek has. -So what?

-He can't even catch fish like he used to. -That's his problem.

Let's hurry and put it in back before it starts pouring.

Think I don't know what's going on? I know very well!

This city slicker doesn't have the balls

to stand up to an old fart and have it out man to man.

Kamil, you disappoint me.

I remember a time when you didn't like being humiliated.

The juice is leaking and it needs to be grounded.

When it snows shit! It's you who deserves to be grounded!

You already killed one innocent animal and I won't let it happen again.

There are laws against electrifying dogs!

-Come on, Pepa… -Screw you!

Jarda has no one else but Kamil.

And you sicked your dog on Kamil anyway.

I sent Kamil with an offer, and I was even willing to pay.

For every swine, there's water boiling… Remember that!

You ought to be ashamed, Kamil. You sweaty rat!

Let's tap a keg, guys.

Come on…

Peace at last.

I'll have one from Kamil. I've been waiting all winter.

It's beautiful here.

Thanks.

Jirka went to… comb his hair.

-And who are you? -What?

Mr. Zacharias, you know Mr. Kuchar, right?

Ah, Kuchar (Cook)… I've known many…

That's right, Mr. Zacharias.

Mr. Kuchar has to pay royalties to the actors.

You don't think he dubbed it himself, do you?

That bastard is watching! Look at him.

You ought to be ashamed, Vrtilek! I can see you!

Screw it, Jarda. It's a really good movie.

-I won't just screw it. -Sit and have a beer like a European.

He won't fix the tap, but he'll watch my porn,

The Wet Get-Together, and for free!

Or "gratis" as Kamil would say. Eventually. Eh, Kamil?

Oh, I missed.

-That's okay. -Thanks.

Oh, man…

Well, well…

You wouldn't believe what those creeps are watching.

Impossible! What a configuration!

Man, she's gonna dislocate her hip.

It ain't worth shit without love, right?

Piss off!

But these perverts will never understand.

Here. Have a look.

Can you believe it? Oh, man…

Good dog, Pepi, good dog…

Tourists?

Tourists…

You may as well have brought the globe.

I aged three hours for this?

-Whatever! -No, not for this.

It's missing quadrant H8. It must be a printing error.

Tourists!

Guten Tag!

Come on, we're open!

Welcome to Angel's Lake! Truly a divine place.

You can recharge yourselves for the whole year.

Kamil!

You know what employees are like.

What'll it be? Coffee, cola, juice? Or something stronger?

-Water, if anything. -No problem.

We're trying to find Camp Solstice, located in quadrant H8.

-H8? I think you turned wrong… -No, you turned right!

We're smaller, but you'll have the lake to yourselves.

You and your wife. Is she your wife?

It doesn't matter… I'm not judging…

It's divinely quiet here. Nothing will happen to you.

Camp Solstice is packed, and you seem to be a decent kind of guy…

And who'd want to swim in their piss water?

Our water's clean. You can drink it.

But then again, who would? Coffee is better.

-I'd like a cup! -No problem, ma'am.

-But, Marta… -I'm staying.

15 years with you, Bohdan, and I learned to count every second.

I came for the water and there's plenty of it here.

And it's clean. Milk and sugar?

But we agreed to go to a lake near Chocholov Chapel.

The place where the ghost of the knight Bartholomew appeared.

You're a clever one, eh, doc?

I'm writing about legends, but I used to be an anthropologist.

-A what? -An anthropologist.

You'll get along with Kamil then. He likes being smart too.

Right, Kamil? "Eventuate"…

There's no milk.

-You must be a real saint. -Yeah, but with a devil inside.

-What? -Nothing.

Oh, I stopped doing those things. I'm just a loner… right Kamil?!

-How's the tanning here? -Here? Wonderful.

-I'd like to lie out somewhere. -Lie out?

Right over there is a beautiful place.

-There? -It's hot all day, right, Kamil?

Well, Professor, coffee? Milk and sugar?

We have interesting legends in this area too, right, Kamil?

Yeah, like the one about "The decent coffee"…

I'll be right there, Kamil.

Good luck.

If it keeps going like this we'll be just fine. Ties are for shit.

Look at that hussy.

A kilo of fat looks pretty good with a nipple on it, eh?

Ever had a girl, Kamil?

Yeah, sure.

I don't mean those perfumed video whores.

I mean a real, pretty, sweaty chick with a hot chassis.

You'll laugh, sir, but I'm waiting for the right one.

Right one, left one… Forward march!

And before you get there, your car and house will be gone.

And all that's left is three grand in monthly alimony.

Remember that swing that soared way out into the lake? Damn!

My head almost hurts from nostalgia.

Where is she? Where is she? The usual. The usual!

-Hold the map! -Leave me alone!