Tales from the Crypt

OOZE WHO

HELLO, CREEPS.

I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT.

I WAS JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF CRAMMING

FOR MY FINAL EXAMS.

BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOUR PAL THE CRYPT KEEPER

WAS STILL IN SCHOOL.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS

AT HORROR-VARD!

WHICH BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S ALL-FRIGHTER.

IT CONCERNS A COUPLE OF COLLEGE KIDS

WHO'VE GOT THEIR OWN IDEAS ABOUT HIGHER DEAD-UCATION,

IN A BIT OF HACK-EDAMIA I CALL

CREEP COURSE.

EGYPTOLOGY LABORATORY

CREEP COURSE

THE 18th DYNASTY PRODUCED SOME OF THE GREATEST RULERS

EVER TO HOLD THE THRONE OF EGYPT.

THESE IMMENSELY POWERFUL PHARAOHS

COMMANDED LOYALTY AND FEAR

THROUGHOUT AN EMPIRE THAT STRETCHED

FROM NUBIA IN THE SOUTH

TO THE BORDERS OF NORTHERN SYRIA.

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE LEGEND OF THE PHARAOH RAMSETH,

ALSO KNOWN AS "THE MUMMY WHO WOULDN'T DIE."

IT SEEMS THAT OLD RAMSETH

WAS A POSSESSIVE AND JEALOUS SORT OF FELLOW,

AND THE OBJECT OF HIS OBSESSION

WAS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MAIDEN,

PRINCESS NEFRA.

UNFORTUNATELY, RAMSETH TOSSED HIS MORTAL COIL

BEFORE ACTUALLY CONSUMMATING HIS RELATIONSHIP

WITH THE LOVELY NEFRA.

SO, DESPITE HIS NEWLY ACQUIRED STATUS

AS AN EMBALMED AND MUMMIFIED CORPSE,

HE EMERGED FROM HIS TOMB

ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF HIS DEATH

AND EACH YEAR AFTER

TO SEARCH THE CITY FOR THE PRINCESS NEFRA.

NEEDLESS TO SAY,

RAMSETH'S JEALOUS DISPOSITION AND BAD TEMPER

HAD NOT IMPROVED IN DEATH,

AND THE LOCAL CITIZENS SO FEARED

AND DREADED HIS ANNUAL RAMPAGE

THAT THEY WERE FORCED TO ARRIVE

AT A DRASTIC SOLUTION.

EACH YEAR, A MAIDEN WAS DELIVERED TO RAMSETH'S TOMB,

A HUMAN SACRIFICE.

EACH TIME,

THE CRAZED OLD MUMMY

WOULD EXPECT TO SEE HIS BELOVED

NEFRA STANDING BEFORE HIM,

AND EACH TIME HE WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED.

EXPLODING IN ANGER,

HE VENTED HIS RAGE UPON THE INNOCENT YOUNG WOMAN

IN A MANNER...

REALLY TOO HORRIBLE TO DESCRIBE.

BUT IT KEPT THE OLD BOY OFF THE STREET.

SO, REMEMBER, SCHOLARS,

MIDTERM EXAM ON FRIDAY

COVERING THE FIRST 3 EGYPTIAN KINGDOMS.

AND WHAT ARE THOSE KINGDOMS AGAIN...

MR. SKULNICK?

THE FIRST 3 KINGDOMS-- THOSE WOULD BE...

WE'RE WAITING, MR. SKULNICK.

YOU HAVE US ON THE EDGE OF OUR SEATS,

AND FEEL FREE TO CONSULT YOUR NOTES

OR YOUR PLAY BOOK

OR WHATEVER THAT IS YOU HAVE IN FRONT OF YOU.

I THINK ONE IS THE SECOND DYNASTY?

KINGDOMS, MR. SKULNICK,

NOT DYNASTIES!

THE FIRST 3 KINGDOMS!

I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

MISS BISHOP.

WILL YOU PLEASE GIVE MR. NUMSKULL--

I BEG YOUR PARDON-- MR. SKULNICK

THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION

HE IS STRUGGLING TO RECALL

FROM HIS MEMORY OF MUSH?

UH, EARLY DYNASTIC OLD KINGDOM,

AND, UH, FIRST INTERMEDIATE PERIOD.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, MR. SKULNICK?

ARE YOU LISTENING?

DO I AT LONG LAST HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?

YES, SIR.

IF YOU FAIL TO PASS THIS TEST,

MR. SKULNICK, YOU WILL BE INELIGIBLE

TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ONE ACTIVITY

AT WHICH YOU TRULY EXCEL.

AND ALTHOUGH I PERSONALLY RANK FOOTBALL

BELOW KEELHAULING AS A CULTURAL EXPERIENCE,

I BELIEVE IT HAS SOME IMPORTANCE

TO YOU AND YOUR CLASSMATES.

JUST A WORD TO THE WISE, MR. SKULNICK.

CLASS DISMISSED.

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.

THANK YOU, IT'S FINE.

YOU'RE STELLA, RIGHT?

YOUR NAME IS STELLA?

YES, IT IS.

REGGIE SKULNICK.

YEAH, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

WORKING HARD, I SEE, HUH?

IT'S JUST A COUPLE HOURS A DAY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S MORE CONVENIENT WORKING ON CAMPUS THAN OFF,

STELLA! AND, UH...

UH...

EXCUSE ME.

PROFESSOR FINLEY IS REALLY ON MY CASE, ISN'T HE?

I MEAN, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE WAY HE TREATS ME IN CLASS?

WELL, IT WASN'T...

I MEAN, I'VE GOT FEELINGS, TOO.

IT WAS PRETTY EMBARRASSING FOR ME.

YEAH, I COULD SEE THAT.

NOW, STELLA,

I'M GONNA FLUNK THAT MIDTERM UNLESS YOU HELP ME.

ME?

WILL YOU, STELLA?

PLEASE?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, STELLA.

COME ON, YOU KNOW THE SUBJECT

INSIDE AND OUT!

IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I COULD HELP YOU STUDY.

THAT'S WHAT I'M REALLY GOOD AT. I MEAN I--

I'M NOT A BRAIN OR ANYTHING,

BUT I DO TAKE EXCELLENT NOTES.

I MEAN, WE--WE COULD GO OVER THEM TOGETHER,

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.

IS, UH, LATER THIS AFTERNOON OK?

YEAH, YEAH.

WELL, WERE SHOULD WE MEET?

LET'S MEET IN THE LIBRARY,

LET'S SAY, UH, 3:00?

OK, YEAH.

OK, GREAT. IT'S A DATE, THEN?

SEE YA, STELLA.

OK. BYE.

HI.

HI.

SORRY I'M LATE.

OH, YOU ARE? OH, I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

UM...

YOU DIDN'T BRING ANY STUFF?

THAT'S OK, THAT'S OK.

I HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED.

I'VE GOT PEN, I'VE GOT PAPER, I'VE GOT THE WORK--

STELLA? HMM?

THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK.

WHAT?

STUDYING WON'T HELP ME.

I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR IT.

I'VE TRIED. I MEAN, I REALLY HAVE.

BUT NOTHING EVER SEEMS TO STICK.

FINLEY'S RIGHT, I MEAN, THE ONLY THING

I'M GOOD AT IS FOOTBALL.

SURE.

I UNDERSTAND.

STELLA, WAIT.

NOW, THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO FOR ME.

HMM?

NOW, FINLEY KEEPS A COLLECTION OF OLD EGYPTIAN STUFF AT HIS HOUSE.

YOU COULD MAKE AN APPOINTMENT

TO GO OVER THERE, HAVE A LOOK AT THIS JUNK...

FOR EXTRA CREDIT OR SOMETHING.

HE'D GO FOR IT IN A SECOND.

YOU COULD DO IT TOMORROW NIGHT.

OOH...WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?

BECAUSE...

WHEN YOU HAVE HIM DISTRACTED,

I'M GOING TO GO IN THERE

AND MAKE A COPY OF THE MIDTERM.

I COULDN'T DO THAT.

YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY LOOKS AT ME,

AND THEY THINK I'VE GOT IT MADE,

LIKE I DON'T HAVE A CARE IN THE WORLD.

BUT THEY'RE WRONG, STELLA.

I'M REALLY SCARED.

FOOTBALL IS THE ONLY FUTURE I'VE GOT,

AND IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN THE DRAIN.

BUT IT WOULD BE WRONG.

IF ANYBODY GETS IN TROUBLE,

IT'LL BE ME, NOT YOU.

I PROMISE YOU, STELLA.

I WILL PROTECT YOU.

NOBODY WILL KNOW.

NOW, AFTER THE GAME, THERE'S GOING TO BE A PARTY

JUST FOR THE TEAM,

AND I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.

I WANT YOU TO BE MY DATE.

NO, YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T WANT TO GO WITH ME.

YES, I DO.

NO, YOU DON'T.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TAKE ME?

WHY WOULDN'T I?

BECAUSE YOU'RE STELLA THE BOOKWORM?

STELLA THE WALLFLOWER? HUH?

THAT'S WHAT THEY THINK, ISN'T IT?