A Bump Along the Way

All right, what age do you think I am?

I don't know, 30s?

Thirty, thirty.

Why? What age are you?

A lady doesn't tell her age.

You're a lady?

You mind your manners!

I'm only messing.

Happy birthday anyway, gorgeous.

I can't believe you're single.

I was sure you'd be married with weans and the whole shebang.

No. Not married.

One wean, but she's a big girl now.

She's 15, going on 50.

Jeez, you must have had her when you were young.

Mmm.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, it's not very comfortable.

Let's go to your gaff.

My daughter's there. Let's go to yours.

I live with my ma and da.

For fuck sake!

Me and me mates are getting a gaff soon.

Oh, just take me home.

Come on.

You'll have a good time.

Ooh! Ooh! Oops! Oh, it's not very comfortable.

It's like a double bed.

No, let's do this some other time.

Come on, you're breaking me heart!

Come on. I want to give you a birthday present.

Oh, fuck!

And you just take the left up here.

I'll drop you here. I'm heading over this way.

Okay.

Well, thanks for the ride home, Barry.

Thanks for the ride, Paula.

My name is Pamela.

I know, that's what I said, Paumela.

'Night. Safe home.

Get up, ya waster!

I'm up. All right, I'm up, I'm up.

Oh, my God.

What time did you get in at anyway?

Oh, please lighten up, love. It was me birthday.

Aye, and you couldn't just go out for a meal like any normal 44-year-old?

Me and the girls had a hearty meal, love.

Six bottles of Prosecco and a fete of gin and tonics!

You just gonna sit there hungover all day?

This is fortified with omega three.

That's fish oil!

What kind of person can't even buy vegan orange juice?

I'm away.

And why are you throwing out my stuff?

Oh, no, I'm not throwing it out.

I was just reddin' up and I thought you might want to keep those.

I remember this.

Alfie and Annie Rose.

Mind I used to change the names to Alfie and Allegra Rose?

"Property of the Library."

This was due back 12 years ago!

Hello, class. Class! Class!

Hello, everybody. Hello, class. Thank you. Erm...

I'm Mr Gibson. Your new Art Teacher while Mrs. Weir's on maternity leave.

I need you to speak up nice and loudly

when I call your name,

so I know where you are and who you are.

Amy Anderson.

- Here. Amy.

- Luke Boyle. - Here.

Luke. Algebra Casey.

Allegra Casey?

Allegra, sorry, I just... I've never heard that name before.

You've never heard of Allegra?

The new car from Toyota.

Yeah, okay. Thank you.

I'm here, but everyone calls me Ally.

When has anyone ever called you Ally?

Oh, Ally!

- (LAUGHING) - (MOUTHING)

Okay, thank you. Okay, well, you're here now.

That's the important thing, okay? Thanks, Ally.

- Jack Davidson? - Here.

Hi, Jack. Hijack.

Okay, uh...

Right, and...

Ally, can you tell me what you've done with Mrs. Weir so far?

Um, self-portraits.

Self-portraits. That's good. Okay, we'll start with self-portraits.

We'll probably lead in with that. Is that okay? Thank you, Ally.

Hi. I'm dying.

We ended up in gay bar,

sniffing poppers till 4:00 in the morning.

Oh, Jesus!

Aye! And the birthday girl disappeared home.

Haha! I wish I hadn't.

I ended up shagging that young fellow.

Jeez, Pam. He looked about 12.

Excuse me, he was 24.

- He still lives with his ma and da. - (LAUGHING)

Christ, Sinead.

We didn't even use a condom.

I have to get tested for STDs.

Jeez, you're lucky you're infertile.

It's not like chlamydia is gonna do you any harm.

I have to stop getting myself in that state.

Aye. You are in a bigger state than Texas right enough.

Here. I got a curt myself.

What?

You know Danny? Bobby's friend?

Ah! I knew he was into you.

Right. Fill me in over the hair of the dog.

Oh, I'm hanging.

Fuck it!

- Medicinal only. - Mmm-hmm.

- Slainte. - Slainte.

Hey, Finn. Good luck on Saturday.

Good luck with the match.

Twilight girl from Magoo's class is talking to you.

Shut up, would ya?

Come on!

Don't put that batch on for another hour, Michael.

The Roxy staff like theirs warm.

Good woman, Pam.

Pamela. - Auck, Rhiannon, how are you?

- Great. - How's your granny?

All right. Good.

Have the wee order all ready.

And I put a few of them wee fancy buns that she likes.

Oh, thanks. She'll be all lurred.

Tell her I was asking for her.

Will do.

And we'll need another dozen of those turnovers

for the boys on the building site.

What's happening?

Hello, boys. How are youse?

What's happening?

These are all half price?

These are half-priced today, yes. Two for 50p.

- Give me two of them. Two of them, yes.

Jelly's turned out bad so had to pop them on half-price stash.

- What's wrong with them? What's wrong with them?

Ya ever seen ones like them before?

Don't bother, honey. You know it.

He always forgets his money. Ah, here, love. It doesn't matter.

All right. All the best, lads, take care.

She's fucking cool.

I bet she'd go for it.

Where were you?

You were supposed to help me with the shopping.

I was waiting for you for ages like a gak.

I am talking to you.

Are you ever gonna use cotton bags?

Oh, get off your high horse and give me a hand.

Do you do it just to annoy me?

I mean, they are hanging on the back of the door.

And why did you leave me to run around Derry

with a stupid Italian name?

Well, if you cheered up a bit, you might like it.

It's supposed to mean joyful.

I didn't realize I was being sarcastic when I picked it.

Great. Charity donuts again.

When are you gonna get a real job?

Oh, you mean instead of the pretend one that pays the bills?

"Pays the bills"?

This is Granny's house.

We'd be homeless if we had to pay rent.

What is this about?

Working part-time at a bakery at your age?

What a success.

I didn't have a chance to have a career,

because I was raising you on my own,

and looking after your granny,

which was not easy.

And I happen to like my job.

Well, Granny's dead, and I'm not a wean any more.

Then stop behaving like one.

Me?

The age of you, running after younger men!

- What? - Find a fellow your own age.

No, she's just... She's just a cheeky wee bitch.

She just gives out all day long.

You know what it's like at that age.

I suppose.

There you go. Hot to trot.

Christ! I love contouring.

Mmm! (CHUCKLES)

No. Do you know what? Actually, I am all right.

I don't feel too great.