The Wrong Mans

If you are not here by five o'clock we will kill your wife.

This is our moment! We've been chosen!

I'm a Town Planning

and Noise Guidance Advisor for Berkshire County Council!

"Small town, big future."

You're a 31-year-old Mail Distribution Assistant who

lives with his mum!

What did I tell you about watching mucky ladies?

They're not happy.

Guys, who wants to go go-karting?

No-one wants to go go-karting.

I'll come.

We're going to cross a lot of bridges, Sam, jump a lot of hurdles.

I don't know what you're talking about and I don't...

I'm talking about rolling deep!

Get in. Does the name Marat Milankovic mean anything to you?

Did he play for Stoke?

You keep safe, tell no-one.

Milankovic can identify Russian agents working here

and in the States.

Oh, my God, they killed Marat!

This is real now, this is Lizzie's life.

I will do the same to her if you don't bring the documents to

Brimpton Airfield within the next half an hour.

Don't do it, Paul. We'll have to shoot.

That list of names is worth more than this kid's life.

Put your hands on your head!

Arrgh!

Arrgh!

Arrgh!

- You took a bullet for me. - That's what friends do.

Best friends.

You've got to explode it. If you don't explode it, it doesn't mean anything.

Yeah, can I get one chicken fillet combo meal, mega,

twice as spicy, with a strawberry milkshake.

And...

Sam?

Er, spicy bean burger, please.

One nice 'n' spicy bean burger meal.

~ Just the burger, please. ~ No, one sec.

A drink on its own is 99p and hot and crunchy wedges are £1.50.

I won't drink the drink, or the wedges.

~ 'So what do you want?' ~ One second. Deal or no deal, Sam?

~ No deal. ~ And a spicy bean burger meal deal.

~ Enjoying your drink? ~ All right, don't be like that. We paid for it so I'm drinking it.

Is that for us?

Can I see your driver's licence, please, sir?

Sorry, what's this about?

It's about me asking him for his driver's licence.

~ I think if you radio your superiors... ~ Broken tail light.

~ And tell them you've just pulled over Samuel Pinkett... ~ Tread on these tyres is dangerously low.

.. and Philip Bourne, you'll be told to stand down and be on your way.

~ Step out of the vehicle. ~ Why? ~ I asked you to step out of your car.

~ And I have asked you why? ~ If you do not step out of your car, I will...

~ Why should I get out of the car? ~ Phil, you're making it worse.

No, Sam. Stand your ground, this is entrapment.

We're going nowhere, right.

Get out of the car.

GET OUT OF THE CAR!

'You are listening to KPPQ, the hottest music in South Texas.'

'Make a U-turn when possible.

'Make a U-turn when possible.

'Make a U-turn when...'

Open up, Frank.

Terry?

Terry?

Terry?

Yes?

Are you drinking, Terry, in my yard?

Just water.

I think I can forgive you, if maybe...

.. you do up my blouse.

~ Sorry? ~ My blouse is a little... undone.

Look. Isn't it?

Pervert!

Guys? Can I...?

Can I just get everybody's...? Guys?

Guys?

Guys, can I just get one minute...

Hey, listen up! Ian's got something to say.

~ Thanks, Raul. ~ No problem, man. ~ Appreciate that.

Um, just a quickie. I don't know if anybody's seen this,

I just thought it might be nice if we all go to the rodeo.

So, I mean, I think it would be fun.

There's fireworks and there's a free kids' corral.

Just put your hands up if you fancy it. Yes, Raul.

Chuck, are you in? Course you are. Don? Donny? Yes. Anyone else?

Terry?

Terry? Everyone else is coming.

I'm busy.

Well, I haven't said when yet.

I know.

What was that all about?

~ What? ~ You know what, embarrassing me in front of my friends.

I just don't want to go rodeo.

Come off it. You'd love the rodeo, you're just being facetious.

~ Facetious? ~ Yes. Facetious.

And what does facetious mean?

I'm looking at it.

~ Hi. ~ Hey, man, what are you doing?

Check your list, man. This ain't your load.

Sorry.

Get out of here, man.

Sorry.

Hello?

'Hello. Am I speaking to Mrs Bourne?'

Yes, that's me. Sorry, little bit out of breath.

'That's OK. I'm calling from your car insurance company.

'Our system says that your policy is up for renewal.'

Oh, no, I think you must have a mistake on your system there.

Because I actually cancelled it about, oh,

about eight or nine months ago now.

Oh, why was that?

Well, it was damaged, so I had to get a new car.

Different colour this time, though, because my old one was pink

and my son hated it, so, so for the new one I decided to try

and get a colour that he would have approved of.

It's lime green.

Lime green!

What makes you think he would have approved of that?

Philip had a lime green rucksack at school.

'Yes, which I'm sure was a huge embarrassment to him'

and he resented every second he was forced to wear it.

No, he loved it.

'But I'm sorry to have taken up'

too much of your time.

I will update our computer system records accordingly.

All right, thank you.

Thank you. Good day.

Bye.

Oh, he's gone. Bye-bye. That's a nice young man.

How did it go?

Oh, you know, same old story.

It's the Prime Minister begging for me back.

I said to him, get someone else to do it, Tony.

But you were the best brain and heart surgeon in Britain.

Europe, but yeah, you're right.

You know, sometimes I do miss it, saving people's lives.

But who was fixing me?

~ Kate Winslet couldn't. ~ That puta.

You know I hate her for what she did to you.

Don't! It wasn't Kate's fault, in a way.

I was so wrapped up in myself

and work that I couldn't cater for her needs.

But I'll never do that to you.

I've given it all up for you.

Oh, Ian!

You are so amazing.

Hey. Rosa's invited us round to hers for Christmas,

which I thought might be fun.

You know, be a bit of a full house with her brothers and that, but...

What are you looking at?

Watch.

They're traffickers. They hide stuff in with the shipments.

Drugs, knock-off goods, people.

It's none of our business.

This could be our ticket home.

You've got to stop talking like that. This IS our home.

It isn't and it never will be.

When are you going to start looking on the bright side?

This is a fresh start.

The weather's good, the accommodation is free.

There's any number of reasons why this is great.

You'll find another girlfriend in Bracknell.

Rosa's not just my girlfriend, she's my soul mate, my companion.

Mentally, spiritually and yes, sexually.

It's a sexual relationship. We're having sex.

She thinks you're a former pro-wrestler who also found

time to be a heart and brain surgeon,

before giving it all up to come and do stunts on a forklift truck.

And there it is, there it is.

I'm sorry I've got a forklift driving licence,

and yes, that's opened doors for me. It is not a level playing field.

I walk in there, I'm queen bee, I'm Top Of The Pops,

I'm a big noise, yeah.

I'm someone at Gopher Distribution Incorporated

and you can't bloody stand it!

Wow!

~ You're right, Phil. ~ Yes.

It's actually a relief to hear it out loud.

~ Good. ~ I mean, yes, the moment I'd got back with Lizzie,

the love of my life, I was ripped away from her and dumped in a shitty

town in the middle of the desert on the other side of the world.

But your...

forklift driving licence...

.. that's what really...

.. gnaws away at me!

I don't know who you are any more.

~ Wait. ~ What?

There's the match I leave in the door. Someone's inside.

It probably just blew off in the wind.

Argh!

Not quite the welcome I was expecting, boys.

Why are you here? Did they catch someone?

Sorry, if I'd have known we were expecting guests,

I'd have got something in.

Actually, I brought you some Christmas pressies.

Yeah, some things... I thought...

you might be missing.

Did they find out who planted the bomb?