CHAOS

I'm Agent Rick Martinez.

Let me be the first to welcome you to the CIA.

And this is the story of America's great house of spies.

You've heard of office politics?

Ours come with poison pills and guns.

- Spy trap. - I knew this was going to be a fiasco.

I've been assigned to a special covert unit,

conceived to go where others can't

and to do what others won't,

whether the mission's authorized or not.

We each have our own special skills, Martinez.

I lead, Billy charms people,

Casey hurts people, and you translate.

We are the ODS, last of the old-school spies.

I don't believe you.

Martinez, I don't care whether you believe me.

It's true. It is.

Come on. You had sex with tipper Gore?

Not sex. We had two chaste, pleasant dates.

Not to mention

a fleeting dalliance in the back of a cab.

I don't classify that as a date.

Morning, gentlemen!

I was hoping maybe we could talk.

It's important to have hope.

Ah.

It's about a mission.

I have worked up this killer plan for this killer operation.

I thought I'd bring it straight to the ODS,

'cause you're the best of the best,

and I only run with the best.

Well, peddle it elsewhere, operative blanke.

We don't partner with hall rats.

What if I told you that I have secured an invitation

to the secluded compound

of notorious international criminal Alexei Dratschev?

Dratschev? The arms dealer?

Not to mention drug smuggler, human trafficker...

King. King?

Dratschev runs Transnistria,

a lawless little strip of land that split off

from the Soviet union when it collapsed.

Well, evidently, he's looking for a new country to call home.

I have a contact

at a firm that handles

immigration and asylum issues

for compromised folks like Dratschev.

Oh, you mean, tyrannical despots or brutal warlords.

The occasional cannibal.

Well, let's just say,

my friend arranged for idi amin's so-called exile to the

penthouse suite of the hotel Novotel in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.

But you did not hear that from me.

Dratschev is expecting a team

of immigration lawyers this weekend

to discuss his relocation to France.

Now, as you will see

in Section 13, Subsection C

of my mission outline,

we go in posing as those lawyers.

Dratschev will roll out the red carpet to us,

completely unsuspecting

of our true agenda, that being

bringing a dangerous criminal to justice.

We go in,

'cause you think you're coming, too, right?

Well, of course.

The mission requires the expertise of a trained lawyer.

You do know I graduated from Yale law.

Okay.

You got yourself a mission. Now, how do we get out?

We'd have 20 Miles of private army

to get through. That's the sweet part.

Because inside the command, Dratschev feels safe.

We'd only have to take down a handful of bodyguards

and then whisk him away by chopper.

Yeah, but his compound

has antiaircraft capabilities.

We'd be blown out of the sky.

How do you expect to disable it?

I-I'm still working

on addressing that particular...

...Hiccup.

I can get us out.

I will enter the compound in a compartment

built into the backseat of our SUV.

While the others are doing business with Dratschev,

I'll slip out and disable his air defense system.

Trojan horse strategy.

- An oldie but goodie. - Well, it's a wonderful plan,

except no man could withstand a cramped space

like that for...

Any appreciable amount of time.

I can.

You could last 14 hours in there?

Yes.

You're even more delusional

than I originally suspected.

It's simply a matter of mental toughness.

Cultivate a stoic center,

and the capacity for human endurance is limitless.

It's kind of like

tantric sex.

It's not possible.

For a man of your age,

weight and mental capacity, it probably isn't,

but for me, it's a piece cake.

You know, as director of clandestine services,

usually, when people want something from me,

they kiss my ass.

They don't insult me.

I imagine that's true.

Prove me wrong, and the mission is approved.

Casey, just press that button

right there, and this light will let us know to release you.

Otherwise, see you in 14 hours.

Seal it up.

I have some good news.

Hey. Uh, what's that?

The CIA code of conduct handbook.

I thought I'd better check. We're safe.

Turns out there's no rule against employee dating.

We just have to fill out some disclosure forms.

Ooh, that sounds sexy.

Are we really at the paperwork stage yet?

Ah, good point.

Yeah.

So, did you hear?

We're mounting a mission to grab Alexei Dratschev.

Yeah, I heard.

Sounds risky.

Be careful. I will.

Coming up on 12 hours, sir.

Mr. malick has done remarkably well,

but this is a controlled environment.

Things are little less predictable in the field.

Introduce the variable.

Bring out Roger.

Oh.

Come on. That's not fair.

I've completed my mission analysis, sir.

Satellite surveillance confirms a limited security team

on the premises.

Tactical support is standing by.

It's been

14 hours and two minutes, sir.

I don't know whether to be impressed or terrified.

Get Mr. malick out of that tin can

and congratulate him.

Mission approved.

You boys are my best customers.

Damn near my only customers.

Molded the belly pan to Casey's exact measurements.

What do you think?

That is the work of a true artist.

Farmer, you are the best damn

tactical support man in the business.

You bet your ass I am.

That metal's all hand turned.

I baffled the aluminum to conduct away body heat.

Try it on for size.

A good old trojan horse.

Genius.

Classics never go out of style.

Like tunnels.

Nobody wants to get their fingernails

dirty anymore, but I'm telling you...

Give me a shovel and a week,

and I'll put you in Vladimir putin's bedroom.

That's good to know.

All right, gentlemen. How's it feel?

Like my lover's arms.

Button me up.

All right, 3:00 a.M.

I'll hit that compound in the chopper

for 60 seconds Max.

That's all the time we'll need.

You're heading into the badlands, boys.

You're chugging up river

into the proverbial heart of darkness.

And at the end of that river lives a vile,

despicable tyrant who strikes fear

into the hearts of all who encounter him.

I won't lie to you, gentlemen.

Super glad I'm not in your shoes.

I'm just kidding with you guys.

Did you see him?

I thought you going to cry.

That was funny.

Our firm will take care

of all the relevant immigration requirements,

and expediting a visa.

Damn, these rabbits get faster!

And I get slower.

Our services include confidential wiring of any funds

to private accounts.

You'd merely need to pay the host country a nominal fee.

Money's no object.

Nikolai, this rifle is no good.

Give me a better one.