Grindhouse

They called him Machete.

Seventy dollars a day for yard work, a hundred for roofing.

Get in.

- One-twenty-five for septic. Sewage. - Have you ever killed anyone before?

As you may know, illegal aliens, such as yourself,

are being forced out of our country at an alarming rate.

For the good of both our people... our new senator must die.

And for that, I will pay you $150,000... cash.

He was given an offer he couldn't refuse.

I cost the most...... because I'm the best there is.

Set up, double-crossed and left for dead.

I took a vow of peace, and now you want me to help you kill all these men?

Yes, bro.

I mean, Padre.

I'll see what I can do.

He knows the score.

Where are my wife and daughter?

He gets the women.

- And he kills the bad guys.. - No!

Oh, shit.

You mean that a Mexican day laborer is a goddamn Federale?

But they soon realized...

He's coming after us.

...they just fucked with the wrong Mexican.

Action...

...suspense...

-...emotion. - Please, Father, have mercy.

God has mercy. I don't.

If you're gonna hire Machete to kill the bad guy,

you'd better make damn sure the bad guy isn't you.

Machete.

Rated X.

Brought to you from your friends at the Weinstein Company.

You're real pretty tonight, Holly.

Goddamn it, girls! If you're gonna do that shit, do it on stage!

Smoking hot. Phew.

Cherry Darling, I told you too many fucking times,

you can't be up there crying and all that shit.

Do you know what a go-go dance is?

- Useless talent number 12? - No, it's a happy dance.

Get up there and you dance happy. It's go-go, not cry-cry.

I'm quitting.

You say that at least one night a week.

I mean it this time.. I need a dramatic change in my life.

I've always said you're funny,

but if you don't stop crying, I'm gonna fire your ass.

I don't want to fire your ass because I like looking at your ass.

"Any girl leaving early must check out with their finger

and have a bye-bye slip."

Here's my finger.

And here's my bye-bye slip.

We need some cash.

Dick! Fuck!

Aah!

Ass-bag!

Ow!

All right, boys. Come on..

All right, all right. Come on. You guys know the drill, huh?

Wait here, lieutenant. I'll handle this.

Hey, Abby.

I can see you've had a spot of trouble, Romy.

Would you like to tell me what happened?

Uh, they escaped.

All three?

Yeah. I don't know, uh... I don't know how they did it. Just, they got out...

I'm sorry, Romy, but I just don't trust you anymore.

And you know the rules.

Oh, no. I'm out. I swear, Abby, you're not gonna see me anymore.

- OK? - Not so fast.

I also want your balls.

I'm really quite attached to them.

Oh, sweetheart. I was really attached to my specimens.

And now they're out there in the night doing God knows what.

I can't do it, Abby, please. Please, Abby.

Hey, hey! What are you guys...?!

You son of a bitch, Abby! Listen! You don't need Abby. There's more!

There's more! I could get you all you ever need!

Motherfucking pussies! Let me go, you son of a bitch!

I can get you more! No! No!

Pick this up, please.

Where's the shit?

The shit's right there. The deal is still good.

No, it's not.

You held out on me.

Now I want all of it.

It looks like I got you by the balls, Abby.

- You certainly have. - So...

... I'll ask you one more time.

Where's...

...the...

...shit?

Everywhere!

Oh, balls.

Get that thing away from my pumps!

It's just overheating! I need to get to town.

It's just a stripped radiator cap.

Water leaks when it heats up.

No pressure.

- Are you OK? - I'm just cherry.

Go on and have a seat anywhere. I'll be right in.

- Here, take this with you. - Not your good spring water.

Ain't nothing good about it. I bottle it myself.

I get it right there out of the dam.

- Thanks, JT. - We're serving inside tonight.

Best barbeque in Texas round the clock.

- I gotta go. - Saving lives, are ya?

Now how did you know that?

Now that's a rump roast.

I couldn't get off work this week. But you only have to stay till ten.

A friend will be here before ten to pick up Tony.

What did I tell you? No playing with toys at the table.

- Didn't I tell you that? - Yeah.

There's a packed suitcase under his bed.

Give it to Tony to take with him when my friend picks him up.

I'll leave him watching TV.

But you need to be here in the next 20 minutes. Thank you.

- What happened to your tooth?? - Fell out.

Wow. Think you could say a prayer for your old man?

- No dead bodies for Da-da tonight. - No dead bodies for Dad tonight. Amen.

Amen.

- Who was that you were talking to? - Babysitter. She's on her way.

- You believe her? - No.

Me neither.

- Hey. - Hey.

- How's it going, JT? - All right.

- Still open, I see. - Oh, yeah. All night.

Free of charge.

Tonight is a special night.

- What's so special about tonight? - Been open 25 years.

You're the second person to show up tonight.

- Who's the first? - Right there.

Must be passing through. Seems only strangers eat here.

I still eat here, JT.

Oh, yeah, you sure do.

By the way, don't choke on all that food you're eating.

Hello, Palomita.

I don't go by that name anymore.

So, you ever become that fancy doctor?

Never did.

Thought for sure you would. You talked about it enough.

That's the problem with goals, they become the thing you talk about

instead of the thing you do.

That's my jacket.

I looked for it for two weeks.

- How long did you look for me, Wray? - Jacket belonged to me, you didn't.

So, um... what are you doing now?

I'm going to be a stand-up comedian.

Really?

You're not funny.

That's what I've been trying to tell everybody, but they say I'm hysterical.

But you're not.

There's a difference between being frank and being dick.

Yeah, well, it's really good seeing you again.

Oh, um...

...what name do you go by now? In case I wanna catch one of your shows.

Cherry.

Cherry Darling.

Sounds like a stripper.

No, it sounds like a go-go dancer. There's a difference.

Right.

Well... you'll always be Palomita to me.

I need a ride.

What do you say El Wray?

I'll give you a ride.

Goodbye, Bill.

- Don't you mean "See you later?" - Of course.

Hey, what's up, doc?

Little lady's looking pretty good there.

Looks like she could suck the bend out of a river. I'm kidding.

- Look at that shit. - What happened to your arm?

- Well, uh... I got bit. - Bit? Bit by what?

Well, if I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me.

Got some Bactine or something?

Ooh. Can't you just sew it up?

Well, normally, I would. I'd even be doing something to stop the bleeding.

- Problem is, this one doesn't bleed. - Oh, shit. Check this out.

At this old military hospital, this one guy came back from Iraq with this.

Ooh, chronic herpetic lesions.

When he urinated it came out through these holes here, like a fountain.

Oh, Jesus. How'd you treat it?

Fuck that. I was never in Iraq.

Good for you. The shit they spread around there you wouldn't believe.

I got Iraqi eyeballs a friend of mine brought back to do some studies on.

Incredible. They were completely milked over, mustard gas.

Actually, I still have those in my fridge.

- It's a botfly, you think? - Chronic, viral, ulcerative lesion.

That looks like gout.

- He's running a temperature of 105. - Is that bad?

- It's high. - Bad would be 108.

You can have a seizure, go psychotic...

...and probably die.

- Say "ahh." - Aah.

- Oh! Jesus! - Oh, nice. Black abscess tongue.

All abscesses should be drained, period.

- What are you doing?? - Shut up, Joe.

Baby, get the needles.

- Be right there. - Right now.

Asshole.

It's spreading.

Holy shit.