Mr. Saturday Night

My mother was trying to kill us...

With fat.

With fat?

Oh, sure, I mean, with that food.

I mean, this is way before cholesterol

and that whole bit. You know, I mean,

7-year-olds were having heart attacks.

See, but you ate it because she said

the same thing to you every meal...

"Clean your plate.

"Children in Europe are starving.

"Eat everything.

"Children in Europe are starving," right?

So, I go to Europe for the first time.

You know what I see? Fat schlubs.

Everybody... Big beasts waddling,

eating everything, with an accent.

I mean, I forget... I never believed my mother

from that day on, I'll tell you.

But the food was sensational, right? I mean...

But you didn't even call it by it's name, the food.

You called it by what it did to your body.

I don't get you. Well, you say, "hey, ma,

"pass me some of that burning sensation

"I'm having in my colon."

You know, it's funny

because a lot of the comedians that I've interviewed,

their humor centers around food,

around the family dining room table.

Well, yeah, sure. That's because

most of their families came from Russia,

see? And in Russia, they had no food.

I mean, sand was a beverage.

I mean, like, in my family,

my uncle schmuclich, when he came here

and saw a supermarket for the first time,

he proposed to a brisket.

Well, there was talk he had to.

See, but for me, my family was like, uh,

dances with Jews.

Oh, sure,

we had names for our relatives,

like they had in that movie.

What do you mean?

Well, we had "eats with his hands,"

"spits when he talks,"

"makes noise when he bends,"

"sweats like a pig,"

"whines in the can..."

Ok.

"Never buys retail,"

"shaves his back."

Now, were you always funny?

Compared to you, yes.

Let me give you a fashion tip.

The pants go on the bottom.

Where's my drummer? Ba dum-da.

Now, so... so you got your humor from the family?

Oh, yeah. My father had a great sense of humor.

He died when we were kids.

He was always doin' stuff like that.

What a kidder.

No, no, no. Who was your biggest influence?

All of them. The entire herd.

They were a joyous people.

See, they spoke yiddish,

which is a language of coughing and spitting.

So until I was 15, i lived in a raincoat.

When did you start performing?

After dinner.

Oh, sure, after all the food

in the entire world had been eaten,

the tow trucks would come and take the relatives

into the living room,

and that meant it was showtime.

My brother Stan and I

would perform for the relatives.

We loved to make them laugh,

and that's where it started for me.

And who would think,

that from that living room in Brooklyn in the '30s,

to CBS in 1956,

and I would have my own television show?

I mean, it's incredible to...

Excuse me.

That was something i ate as a child.

Oh, sure, I mean, i remember...

The Coleman comedy hour

is on the air.

Starring...

Buddy young, Jr.

2 minutes!

2 minutes to introduce buddy!

Damn it!

Move that damn horse!

What the hell is this?

Come on!

Buddy doesn't want to do that, ok? He doesn't want to do that.

Stan! Hold it a second.

So make sure the cue cards get the change.

Get him the other jacket from rehearsal 'cause it's funnier. Go.

How can a jacket be funny?

How can you be unemployed? Go! What?

Where's buddy? What?

I got less than 2 minutes!

Oh, Jesus.

Cue announcer!

Tonight, join buddy and his guests,

Patti page...

Hi, Stan!

Hoagy Carmichael,

and the krolpaynter jugglers.

Buddy!

Buddy...

Stan!

You've got one minute!

Oh, Jesus! See you later!

Bye, buddy.

What the hell are you doing in there?

I was workin' on the opening monologue.

What? In the girls' chorus room?

Yeah! Come on!

No, they loved it.

They're smart. Two want to direct.

The time, buddy.

My brother, the maniac.

Stan, you worry too much.

Excuse me. It just came to me.

I'm gonna kill 'em! It won't even be fair!

Hey, buddy!

What? You want a picture? Ok.

Not now. Now!

Hey!

Ok.

Sorry. How are you?

Special appearance by Mickey mantle.

Hello, everybody!

Hi, daddy!

Susan, where's that double take?

Mmm.

Needs work.

Hi! Where you been?

I was workin' on the opening monologue.

It's gonna be great. Hello, mama!

Here, hip, hip, hip.

You look great.

Thanks. Gotta go.

Gotta go be famous. See ya, see ya.

Bye, kid. Keep smilin'.

Bye, ma. Ma, ma, no, ma. Ma, no. Ma.

Not now, mom.

Makeup!

I got it! I got it! Stan, it's me.

Here, put on this jacket!

This isn't the right one!

This is a funnier jacket. Put it on.

it don't fit! It don't fit!

What did you do? What did you do?

Nothing. It's not the same.

What did you do with the... with the...

See what I did? Huh? Huh?

Thank you.

Fasten your seat belts,

put on your crash helmets...

Because here he comes...

Is he gonna say, "America's favorite new funnyman?"

No. Stan...

Mr. Saturday night!

Better.

Thank you.

Hurt them.

La, la, la, la, la, la.

Get outta here.

Buddy young, Jr.

Look at daddy, uncle Stan.

What's the matter, buddy? Having a bad day?

A bad day?

Don't get me started!

Ah, don't get me started on today, I'll tell you this.

Actually, it started last night, folks.

I had a little fight with my wife.

Nothing serious. 3 police cars.

Mommy, is this true?

No, honey. It's just a joke.

Ok.

I'm gonna tell you folks what really happened

because we're friends now.

Last night, i come home,

I found my wife smooching and kissing

with my best friend.

Ooh!

Yeah. So I said, "Lenny, I have to.

"But you?"

Mommy, is this true?

No. It's just a joke, honey.

Ok.

And my daughter's no genius, either.

Oh, don't get me started on her.

It's just a joke, honey.

It's just a joke.