Holding These Moments

It was more than just a band to me,

it was my family.

They were

in a very real way, all I had.

I lost my mother before Bane started,

lost my father halfway through Bane.

Never had a relationship last past a few years.

They were the one relationship that I seemed to be

pretty good at,

anyway, I'm not sure if I could say I was very good at it.

I love this life,

I love being on the road,

I love playing this music.

I love my guys in the band.

From day one, it's always kind of been the same.

Did whatever we wanted to do,

and did the music whenever we wanted to do it.

We'll tour when we wanna tour,

do tours that we want to do.

That feeling of team is something I'll miss.

You know, when you're in a band with guys for so long,

you know, you're a team.

I grew into the person I am

because of the guys in the band.

Because I had to learn how to exist with them,

and I had to learn the art of compromise and sacrifice.

Everything we wrote was due to something

that happened to us in our lives,

and

it just so happens that

this stuff happens in a lot of people's lives.

I'm up there screaming my head off,

losing my mind,

and I look out,

and there is kids doing the same thing.

It's a connection that

you just don't feel,

really anywhere else.

I had a hard time leaving for that final tour.

It all happened so fast.

It all just came rushing forth.

Literally 17 years of like,

essentially nonstop touring and then,

going to this one and knowing that

it's the last time you're ever going to go anywhere.

So, this is the first show of this tour,

definitely not a big fan of trying to find

the perfect words to express how we're feeling right now.

I can only tell you how I'm feeling,

and it's very, very thankful,

and very overwhelming.

It was the first show of the tour,

and it was the second that

me and Bedard looked at each other on stage and said,

"The fuck have we done?"

It was really nice just to watch

a room just give everything to the band that,

for the last 20 years,

has given everything to us.

It was sad but, it was really good sing-alongs,

and it was like our family reunion.

Seeing the people that I met 10 years ago,

and I don't see them all that often,

but it's my family,

it's my friends.

I think what sets Bane apart from every other band,

is that they have an energy I've never seen have

like, in a fan base.

People go completely ballistic and crazy.

I've just never seen that type of like,

happy, like positive energy in hardcore.

It was a just a different feeling,

it was a totally different vibe

than everything I've been accustomed to.

One little request,

you can put the punching

and the kicking away for the night.

Yeah.

Treat each other with a little bit of respect

and compassion.

Move up, sing along, have some fun.

At Bane shows,

there's not a lot of like, posturing.

When Bane plays, that goes away, it doesn't matter.

I feel very lucky that my first introduction to hardcore

was through a Bane show,

because it's a completely different atmosphere.

You are a 1000% accepted.

As a woman, you know, growing up in hardcore and punk,

that isn't a feeling you usually get from a band.

I still believe, that this is a special place,

for people of all sizes, all beliefs, boys and girls,

this isn't just some fucking kickboxing club.

Soon as that music starts,

you just can't stand still.

You have to be a part of the music.

Can't just be on the side.

I felt like there was a comraderie

and respect at Bane shows.

And I think it sort of pulled some of the people

from just the general hardcore scene,

into a more...

A bigger community,

and did something that other bands weren't doing,

and kind of brought this family feeling to hardcore.

It is about emotion,

and about connection,

and a community is a great.

Is a great way to look at it.

It's definitely not intentional

in any kind of really thought out way.

It's just...

It's what we do,

we want everybody to come.

You're all our family,

come and respect us,

and have fun.

Bedard writes about it all the time,

if you can't do that and respect it,

well there's the door.

Let hit you on the ass, right?

If you come into this fucking room,

with the intentions of doing something interactive,

proactive, then this thing truly does belong to you,

this is your fucking kingdom.

I've always sort of wondered if I found punk and hardcore,

or if it was always going to find me.

Music and hardcore in general, was like

the first time that anybody ever...

I feel like saw good in me.

You know, it was like the first time that

I was ever accepted in any place ever.

It's more than just music,

it's the people involved.

It was the punk and hardcore scene

that made me feel welcome,

which is ironic because it was predominantly white.

But I felt like,

these are my people,

this is where I feel safe.

You always have that music

and the people connected to it,

that you can reach out to,

that you have so much in common with.

It was a place for me to exist and be free,

and not have to live by anyone else's rules.

I think that was an opportunity for people

that felt like they had something they needed to say,

to be able to just say, "Hey, I can do this."

You didn't have to be on a big stage, in an amphitheater.

You know, it could be in a hall, with 20 of your friends.

But I think it's a worthy search to try and find

that fucking thing that you will not let go of,

that you will die for.

For me, the first real hardcore band where,

it like clicked.

I went to Newbury Comics in Shrewsberry,

just flipping through the seven inches,

and I saw the "Inside Out" seven inch.

That photo, where Zack de la Rocha's just going bonkers,

and you read the liner notes,

"Thanks to this band, thanks to that band."

And you know,

I started buying all those seven inches.

And then, going to the local shows,

I discovered Converge,

and then I realized after that,

that the guitar player for Converge,

was the person working at Newbury Comics, Aaron Dalbec.

So, this building over here,

this is a place called the Worcester Artist Group.

We used to actually all go to shows here,

before we really knew each other.

It led us to finding a hall called

the Quinsigamond Village Community Center,

where we were able to book our own shows,

and our own bands.

The first band that I really did anything with,

was Converge.

That was probably like, '93 or '94.

Me and my friend, Steve Neale,

started a band called Barrit.

Kind of math metal techy stuff.

As soon as I realized that I could just sing in a band,

that you didn't need any talent or anything,

you know, we just did it.

My friends were starting a band

and they needed a bass player.

So, I didn't really have any interest before that.

I fell in love with it really fast.

Aggressive Hate, was the first band.

We had songs titled, "Skate, Don't Think,"

and things like that.

Then came a band called Backbone.

'87 would have been Backbone, all the way till '90.

Damon and I, the old drummer from Converge,

we we're just gonna have fun and start this new project.

So we had started writing songs.