Dads vs. Moms (Папы против мам)

Ready?

Let's go!

Aren't you tired of lugging all this around with you?

If Dad finds out I quit hockey, he'll tear my head off.

And if he finds out you're taking dance classes,

will he screw it back on and tear it off again?

No, along with my legs.

Yeah, and you won't be able to put yourself back together without them.

That's for sure.

Alright, see you tomorrow, conspirator.

What, are they having their arguments at the same time now?

Is it coordinated?

Yeah, Dolby Surround, like in the movies.

Yeah, cool.

Alright, do whatever you want, but until you bring the money back to the family,

I'm not letting you back in the house.

Do you have any idea what kind of machine this is?

It's the extreme series, I'll be flying on it.

Then fly away from here, fly boy.

You're the only one who knows how to live right, so go live.

All by yourself.

Don't worry, I'll be fine.

Mom!

Mom!

Igor?

Masha?

Daughter?

Son.

And Ekaterina Pavlovna.

I see you're all having a collective amnesia, trying to remember who's who.

You should leave, it's about time. Don't forget this one.

Let me pass.

Hello.

They let us out early.

Olya, I'm here for you.

Of course, come in, little sister.

You know there's a home where you're always welcome.

Oh, so that's how it is?

Tokha, my friend, come on in, make yourself at home, don't be shy.

Alright, let's go.

Don't just play, practice.

He wants to go international.

You should sort things out at home first.

Well, did you hear that?

A five-dimensional model.

Some damn researcher.

So he took an important remote job.

And instead of writing the program, he was playing his little tanks day and night.

And I, like a fool, tiptoed around the apartment.

I thought, "My dear is working so hard, sparing no effort for his family," and him

...

No, well, then, of course, everything came out.

He let the team down, the deadlines passed, and he got fired.

And, of course, they didn't pay him.

Because there was nothing to pay for.

Well, I already told you.

What's wrong with you?

Oh, Vitka found out that Igor is taking dance classes.

I'll be right back.

And it turns out, while Dad is risking his

life at work, saving people, his son puts on

this sparkly thing and shakes his butt on the ice.

So ice dancing is a sport too?

Hockey is a sport, for healthy men, with wrestling, boxing, so that,

if anything, bam, bam, you don't back down and don't

give up, that's the main male principle, not dancing.

Do you even know what real men's dancing is?

Go ask Uncle Anton, back in our day, we'd go to the village disco in the next

village, you'd accidentally bump into someone, and there you have it, dancing,

and hockey, and boxing.

And a steeplechase, I remember, I remember.

And I was so happy, thinking my son is

probably the best forward in the club by now.

Carrying such a huge bag to training every day, what a good lad.

And then they call from the club, saying, "Where's Igor?"

And here's Igor, or rather, this is what he's into.

And the main thing, can you believe it, Irka,

she knew everything and didn't say a word to me.

It's your own fault, you've scared everyone, they can't say a word.

Can't sleep properly, no sweets, no going out, no computer,

so what is allowed?

Being quiet!

Go on, eat.

No, I've had enough.

Vitya says I'm a little porker anyway.

A porker?

When was the last time he looked in the mirror?

He says men are an endangered species and should eat well.

Alright, just eat peacefully.

By the way, I recently found a Chinese course for Masha, with a business focus.

Am I paying?

And the money?

Poof.

Scammers?

Scammers, imbeciles, or rather one imbecile.

Bought himself a high-speed computer.

He says, "I'm going to visualize universes, break

through to the future, create something new."

Just a gaming addiction, nothing more.

Olya, just a little.

He begged me for six months to take out a loan for this computer.

Well, you should have.

Maybe he would have come up with something new.

By the way, an idea is worth a lot.

You're the head of a department at a reputable

bank, they definitely wouldn't have refused you.

Who wouldn't have refused?

Refused whom?

Ira, it's me, I'm the head of the credit, damn it, department.

Am I sick, taking out loans from myself?

That half-baked lunkhead, let him come down from the clouds to earth, and realize

that he doesn't live in a hotel, and his wife is not a housewife.

I'm sick of it.

It feels like I have two children.

I'm just curious, when will he ever start?

Economist, Freudian, half-baked tank driver.

Tank driver?

Just like our dad.

Our dad?

Our dad brings everything home, for the family.

And this one sat at home for two months, and Masha was covering for him.

Can you believe it, Irka says, "I've wanted to

tell you for a long time, but I didn't dare."

When she makes me repaint the hallway, she has plenty of guts then.

And in that stupid gray color, oh, sorry, graphite color.

You don't understand!

But you will understand this!

That's it, now you're definitely one foot in military school.

Anton, give me your hand.

You've gone too far.

Don't you go lecturing me.

You wouldn't understand, you have a girl.

Maybe somehow...

I'm going to take dance classes anyway.

Mom said I could.

And I said you couldn't.

I'm the father in this house.

What I say, goes.

Then I'm leaving too.

Where to?

To them?

Go ahead, go on.

With three women around, military school will seem like paradise to you.

Aunt Olya will set you up there.

Do you think Uncle Anton ran away because life was so good?

Why are you frozen?

Give me your hand.

If only he helped a little... What is this?

Two months have passed, throw out the tree.

Yes, and I begged for a year to get the hallway painted.

Classic.

And the worst thing is that he's infected Masha with his microbe.

Either on his phone or the computer.

Mom!

What?

You could at least look once at what I'm doing on the computer.

Just once!

What is there to look at?

Stop messing around.

Phone on the table and go cram Chinese.

Olya, maybe there really is something interesting?

Ira, what about you?

Dad likes it.

Well then, go to your dad.

I will.

You can study your own Chinese.

And don't touch the tree.

Think she'll come back?

Olya!

Ira!

Where have you been?

Out walking.

Alive?

And your head's still on?

Dad wants to send me to military school.

And my mom to a Chinese course.

And I'm going to Mom's.

And I'm going to Dad's.

Oh!

I told you he'd be back!

Hi.

Hi, Uncle Ilyich.

I'm here for you.

Oh, I mean, for Dad.

Do you know how to cook?

Sausages, omelets, pasta.

Welcome.

What are you doing here?

I ran away from home.

I'm going to live with you.

What do you mean, ran away?

What did Mom say?

Mom said to go learn Chinese, and I ran away to you.

But what about Mom?

You can't leave her.

And you need to go to school and everything.

Dad, you misunderstood me.

I'm on your side.

We'll live together and do whatever we want.

Wait, wait.