Rabbit Without Ears (Keinohrhasen) (Keinohrhasen)

I used to only make that art house crap.

And Berlin's pseudo-intellectual, pop culture idiots would watch that shit.

Deep down inside, I was very unhappy.

Then at this retrospective, they showed-

- "Life Is All You Get" for the millionth time.

I was sitting in the theater and suddenly all I could do was cry.

RABBIT WITHOUT EARS You had a breakdown. Tell us about it.

I realized I was letting life pass me by.

And then I said to myself, Jurgen,

- "To hell with that cool dude and his tooth gap. You can be more than that!"

Jurgen, you spent the last 8 months in California.

A wonderful country, great people. The glau is always half full.

I took a few claues with a motivation trainer there.

He showed me you can make your dreams come tru!

Your appearance has changed a bit, too.

Yes. Even if it's hard to believe, I used to have an inferiority complex-

- about my teeth and my looks. I covered it up by telling jokes.

They say you went under the knife-

- of a famous plastic surgeon, any comment?

I had my teeth and my cheek bones done.

Hair implants and some silicone work.

Silicone?

Where?

Butt implants! All the stars do it. Check it out.

Here, check it out! Here!

They all have them. J-Lo, everybody.

Jurgen, is this all because you'll be turning 40 soon?

I don't have a problem with getting older. I never looked better.

- I understand now what life's about. - And that is?

It may sound superficial, but it's tr...

For years I preached to my kids about inner valus, but it's rubbish!

- Appearances count. Valus catch up. - Last qustion.

Jurgen, last qustion.

You had surgery. It's amazing. You look great!

What would you say if your kids-

- suddenly wanted plastic surgery, too?

I mean, you're a role model.

They might try to emulate you.

If it makes them feel better, why not?

It's walls in our heads. That's what I'm talking about.

Free yourself from them and you can do anything.

Don't let life pass you by. Take control yourself.

You're your own captain on your own big ship of life.

Yeah.

Alright, guys. I gotta go!

He used to be so cool.

Now he's pumped up with silicone. America really can corrupt you.

But everyone here has silicone boobs, too.

It's fine for boobs, but not Jurgen's ass!

- There's good and bad plastic surgery? - Sure!

Look out!

Children, ear flaps on!

It's a crosswalk, you giant asshole!

I'd be a blind bat with those on my nose too!

Four-eyes!

Where were we?

Oh yeah.

Boob reductions are pointless operations.

Boob augmentations, liposuction,

- getting rid of cellulite, absolutely necessary.

What about penis extensions?

You have the ability to ruin every serious discussion we have.

Pull over. The minister's lover. Right by a baby shop!

- Shopping with our taxes, Mandy? - I'm just taking a walk.

So that's not actually a pram there? Just an oversized purse on wheels?

It's not mine. I saw it sitting there.

When the baby's here, what then?

Will you tell us it's your new, diaper-wearing, bald boyfriend?

Ludo, I've told you before, I'm not pregnant!

Oh, so I must be mistaken then.

Maybe you've just gotten fat!

- Fat? - Sure, I'll just write 'fat. '

Ludo, you know what? You're a real bastard!

MINISTER'S LOVER PREGNANT

There you are.

You brought our sweet little Lollo.

He behaves so well in restaurants!

I told you, Lollo.

Your uncle was looking forward to seeing you.

- Since he forgot your birthday. - Oh, shit!

Shit! Shit!

Sweet kid.

Weren't you in India at the orphanage?

I was, and I brought back sweet little Shiva here.

Is she your latest?

If his mouth is open, he's lying.

And he's useless in bed, too.

- Wasn't my impression. - All faked.

I'm sorry you slept with my brother.

- But I want to order. - Let's get it over with.

Ludo?

How would you like a nice big dish of meat?

Lots of different kinds?

Just one gets so boring.

Just water.

But not a hysterical, reproachful water-

- that's never heard of one-night stands.

A calm, non-stressful one.

I'll have the meat platter.

Sounded good.

Still no news. If he hasn't called by tonight, I'll forget it.

What about that graphic artist you always call?

No way. It's over. For good. He's such a pervert!

- What? Why? - Doesn't matter.

- No, tell me. - No, it's yucky.

- Fine, then don't. - Alright, if you insist.

He said he wanted me to pee the next time we meet.

What? In front of him?

- I couldn't do that. - Anna, on him!

You've got a knack for finding weirdos.

I know.

But I have stories to tell, unlike you.

But I wouldn't constantly order anchovy pizza,

I know it tastes bad.

- Pizzas don't give you orgasms. - Guys do?

- True. - When you eat it, the pizza's gone.

Pizza won't say it's too young for responsibility at 38.

- You don't have to say it was good. - It doesn't look at you saying,

"Come! Come! Come!"

Quiet up there!

Enjoy.

Jeez, Ludo.

You can't go on like this forever.

Why?

My job is fun. I've got great friends.

I date pretty women.

And what about love, affection and security?

The warmth of a family?

Seeing your sleeping child and feeling your heart burst with joy.

You're miuing the best things in life.

Lollo, come here now!

Moritz? Okay, I'm coming. Gotta run.

Klitschko is proposing to Yvonne Catterfeld.

- That soccer player? - Precisely.

It never happened before and never will.

Then get yourself a new guard.

It's all cordoned off. We can forget it.

Go cry with the other girls. I'm getting my shot!

You're so cruel.

Being realistic doesn't make me a pansy.

Andreas.

- You okay? - Ludo!

- We need seats in the restaurant. - Not today.

What are you smiling at? Lucky I don't smack you one.

What're we going to do?

Has your bou seen the photos-

- of your party in the President Suite?

What party?

Remember? The cute mustached guys.

In police uniforms. Were they real?

How about free passes to our wellness area?

The sundeck has a fantastic view of the city lights.

Do we look like frustrated wives?

And of the gorgeous, see-through glass dome over our restaurant.

What will it be? A massage?

A Cleopatra bath? A facial?

We have 10 minutes. What's quick?

- Wellness means relaxation and not... - Fine. I'll take the massage.

Excellent. Danielle?

Yes.

- Hello. - Hello.

May I take you to my room? You may undress there.

Glad to.

Would you give me the Cleopatra bath?

Of course I will.

Me and a few slutty maids looking for an extra buck.

It's our special service for perverts who think this is a cheap brothel.

Okay, sorry. It doesn't hurt to ask.

- So what's the quickest? - Thorsten!

One full body depilation!

Depilation? Doesn't that hurt?

- It depends. - On what?

If you have hair or not.

What's that weird squaking?

It's the sound of dolphins in the ocean.

It's very relaxing.

Sure having fun, those dolphins.

Dolphins are very social.

- Almost human. - Ludo, I'm coming!

I think one of them is called Ludo.

Ludo! Ludo!

- Au revoir! - Au revoir.

Dear friends, my dear Yvonne...

An old Russian proverb says:

Even if women were made of glass, you couldn't see through them.

That way. Go.

And my personal opinion on that: Proverbs are often complete nonsense!

- Come on! - What is this shit?

When I first saw you at the Golden Camera, standing there...

- Ouch! - Come on!

- Looking at me with those blu eyes. - I remember, my buttercup...

...It's the perfect shot!

- This wax is stuck to the railing. - Then rip it off.

The hell I will. Do you know how much that'll hurt?

At that moment I knew...

...that I had fallen in love with you, with your beauty.

Come and take the damn picture!

Your soul.

Your heart.

Ludo, it's glass! It'll break!