The Big Bang Theory

This movie baffles me every time we watch it.

What do you mean?

The instructions are very clear:

"don't feed the gremlins after midnight."

"don't get the gremlins wet."

How hard is that?

Hi, guys.

Hi, honey.

Hey.

Ooh, we're "hoy" now, are we?

Yes. Since their relationship became carnal,

Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment,

Thus distinguishing him from those she calls "sweetie,"

Usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.

You're boring people sweetie.

Although, sometimes, she omits the veil entirely.

So, what are you guys doing?

Celebrating columbus day.

We're watching goonies, gremlins and young sherlock holmes.

They're all written by chris cumbus.

Okay.

What do you watch on thanksgiving?

The parade.

Oh, you know, that reminds me--

I usually go back to nebraska for thanksgiving,

But this year they're calling it off

On account of my brother's trial.

What's he on trial for?

Oh, just a big misunderstanding.

You know, you'd actually li my brother.

He's kind of a chemist.

Anyway, I was thinking I'd have thanksgiving he,

And you are all invited.

Oh. I'll be there.

Will you be serving cranberry jelly

Or cranberry sauce?

I guess I could serve both.

You guess? I don't seem to have much of a handle on this.

Yeah, I really wish I could, penny, but every year,

Mother has all the relatives over and cooks up

Her famous tur-briska-fil.

Tur-briska-fil?

Turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish.

It's not as good as it sounds.

Raj, what about you?

Oh, he usually comes to my house. Right, pal?

All right, this year, you don't have to

Eat the tur-briska-fil.

I don't even chew it.

I swallow it like pills.

So, what's going on with raj?

Well, the good news is,

He has no problem with my mother's tur-brka-fil.

Hard to believe, but go on.

The bad news is, he says he'getting deported.

Leonard: What do you mean,

He's getting deported?

I believe it means that the u.S. Government

Is going to expel him from the country.

He could then either return to his native india,

Emigrate to another country that's willing to accept him

Or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate.

Personally, I'd choose pirate.

Penny, would you mind stepping outside

So we can speak to him?

fine.

But the man really needs to work on his girl issues.

Another reason to consider life of piracy.

Even today, I understand that's an all-male profession.

Okay, she's go.

Sorry. I lost my cool.

So, what's going on?

Okay, here's the deal:

Six months ago, my research testing

The predicted composition of trans-neptunian objects

Ran into a dead end.

So? So, my visa's only good

Aand when they find out at I've got squat,

They're going to cut me off.

By the way, when I say squat, I mean diddly-squat.

I wish I had squat.

So, wait, what have you been doing for the past six months?

You know, checking e-mail,

Updating my facebook status,

Messing up wikipedia entries.

Hey, did you know netflix

Lets you stream movies on your computer now?

And you've continued to take the universit's money

Under false pretenses?

Highly unethical for an astrophysicist.

Although pctically mandatory for a pirate.

I don't want to go back to india.

It's hot and loud, and there's so many people.

You have no idea-- they're everywhere.

Okay, guys, think.

How do we keep raj in the country?

Penny: Why doesn't he just get another job?

What are you asking me for?

I don't know if you can talk now or not.

Oh, beef...

I'm going to miss you so much.

Do you know, at the mumbai mcdonald's,

You can't get a big mac?

All you can get is a chicken maharaja mac.

And the special sauce--

Curry-- which, in india, believe you me,

Is really not that special.

Don't worry, you'll find another job.

Yeah let me start practicing for it.

"do you want fries with that maharaja mac?"

Sheldon: Hi, leonard.

Hello, raj.

Hello sheldon.

Forgive me, as you know, I'm no adept at reading facial cues,

But I'm going to take a stab here:

You're either sad or nauseated.

I'm sad.

I was going to say sad.

I don't know why I hedged.

What are you eating?

Elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce.

Oh, beefaroni.

I think I'll miss you most of all.

I've always been a little confused about this.

Why don't hindus eat beef?

We believe cows are gods.

Not technically.

In hinduism, cattle are thought to be like god.

Do not tell me about my own culture, sheldon!

In the mood I'm in, I'll take you out-- I swear to cow!

I'm sorry.

Me, too.

I'm st... I'm a little on edge.

Understandable.

Your entire life seems to be crumbling around you,

And your future appears bleak at bt.

Thank you.

And you're wrong about hinduism and cows.

Hey, raj, guess what.

Professor laughlin is looking for someone to join

The stellar evolution research team.

You-you're kidding! That's fantastic! What are you waiting for? Call him and set up an interview.

I'm on it.

That's happy, right?

Yeah. Nailed it.

Dr. Koothrappali, come on in.

I was surprised to here you were interested

In joining our little team.

Giving up on those trans-neptunian objects, are we?

No, no; it's a very promising area.

I'd spend several more years on it.Ld,

But I just couldn'pass up the opportunity

To work wi you on your tremendously exciting

And not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis.

Splendid.

Uh, please sit down.

Can I offer you a sherry?

It's a little early, isn't it?

Not on proxima centauri.

: That's very good.

Jolly amusing, but if you don't mind,

I'll hold off until sunset on titan.

well done.

I have a fling you're going

To fit in just fine, dr. Koothrappali.

Thank you, sir.

I'm sorry.

Am I late?

No, no, no. Right on time.

Dr. Koothrappali, may I present

Dr. Millstone from MIT.

She'll be heading up our data analysis team.

It's nice to meet you, dr. Koothrappali.

I read your paper on kuiper belt object size distribution.

I really enjoy it.

How did you correct for the selection bias?

Well, I ran a simulation that allowed me

To correct for the observational efficiency.

That's just fascinating.

Thank you.

Would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub?

So, when do I start?

What do you mean you didn't get the job?

How could you not get it?

U know... He's british; I'm indian.

Ever since gandhi, they haven't liked us very much.

Wait, are you saying that he discriminated against you?

Because we should file a complaint.

That's okay.

A complaint ha's been filed.

So, that's it.

That was my last hope.

I'm going to be deported,

Sent home in disgrace,

Exposed to the sardonic barb of my cousin sanjay.

Or, as you may know him, dave from at&t customer service.

I'm really going to miss you.

Will you come visit me in India?

Gee, that's, like, a 17-hour flight.

How about I meet you halfway?