Powerless

- So, apparently Two Face was able

to make our impenetrable safe

quite penetrable.

Didn't these high-res infrared

security cameras pick up anything?

- Mm-mm. His henchman covered them with paper bags.

- Okay, we can't think of everything.

- Well, luckily, Batman caught him.

Oh, I love that guy.

He's got a tricked-out ride,

blows money on expensive belts,

always in a feud with a guy that dresses like a pimp.

You know, he's basically like a rapper that saves lives.

Yeah, just like Macklemore.

- No. Not like Macklemore.

- Ron, you got to check this out.

Sweet mother of Mary.

Is that a Batarang?

both: Dibs! - Mine. My Batarang.

- Mine. Mine. - My Batarang. My Batarang.

- You don't like him like I like him!

My Batarang!

* *

- So, you're walking down the street

when suddenly Jack-O-Lantern hits you

with a flaming ball of fire...

- Citizens of Charm City!

Who likes crime brulée?

- But thanks to our new indestructible cell phone case,

your phone is perfectly fine.

- As long as you don't drop it directly on the screen.

- Yeah. - Cool. Great work, guys.

- Do you want us to leave you alone?

- No. She wants you to ask about the paper she's staring at.

- Well, since you asked, it's an invitation

to my ex-boyfriend's wedding.

But I am perfectly okay with it.

- Good! That's a healthy attitude.

- She's not okay with it, numb-nuts.

She's already stalked the new girl's Facebook page to 2012.

- Ohh. - Wow.

Is she a supermodel?

No, she's not.

And she only does print.

- Mm-mm. - She should do more.

- You know, we met in grad school.

I mean, we backpacked through Asia together.

I mean, his racist grandfather even started warming up to me.

- The acceptance of a racist grandfather

is still my white whale.

- I honestly thought we were going to get married.

And then one day out of nowhere,

he just says he couldn't do this anymore.

- And now I can't do this anymore.

You have been here for six months.

All you do is work. You need to meet a guy.

Someone who will make you his problem and not ours.

- Why don't you just go out tonight,

maybe get a couple drinks in you,

chat up a few gentlemen callers?

- Ron and I probably shouldn't join.

Our palpable masculinity would scare off

potential suitors, obviously.

- Obviously. - Obviously.

- Obviously. - Obviously.

- So, it would just be me, Jackie, and Wendy.

A little...

- Don't say it. - Girls' night out!

Yeah!

What are you doing?

- If you so much as lay a finger on my action figures,

I will sick my lawyers on you, you son of a bitch.

Yes!

I will see you this Sunday at brunch, Mother.

Holy Bananas Foster, it's Batman!

Your Batarang...

- Did I see a Batarang fly in here?

You mean this one?

- Oh-ho! - Are you a Batman fan too?

- A fan? Hardly.

Let me tell you a story that will shake you to your core.

The year is 2003, the season summer.

I'm sitting in my Maybach

listening to "Hey Ya" on the radio.

- Ohh. - Mmm.

- I'm shaking it like a Polaroid picture.

And then suddenly,

the Batmobile flies out of nowhere

and takes off my side-view mirror!

Batman didn't even stop!

He just kept chasing after this semi full of warheads

to help some orphanage!

- Were the orphans okay? - Who cares? They're orphans.

It's a hard-knock life. They can live on $1 a day,

but my side-view mirror?

That cost $30,000 to fix.

I'm gonna get him to pay

when he comes back for this.

- Batman has hundreds of Batarangs.

He's not gonna come back for this one.

- Batman never leaves anything behind,

including insurance information.

No. He puts a GPS on all of his stuff.

He doesn't want the technology getting out there.

Ooh.

Yes! Excuse me.

I know you can hear me, Dork Knight.

- You better bring your checkbook

and a prepared statement

I can turn in to Geico.

- I am so glad you guys convinced me to go out.

Ooh! Should we take a picture? - Yeah.

Wait, who are the haters?

- I don't know. - Huh.

- Ooh, how about some margaritas for me and my señoritas?

- Okay. - Hey, look. A man.

He just smiled at you.

We would not be at all offended if you wanted to leave us

and go talk to him.

- Ugh. There's no guys at this bar for me.

- How could you possibly know that?

- Well, ironic mustache, un-ironic mustache,

flip-flops in a bar... gross.

Eating mozzarella sticks with a fork.

Oh, has a Blackberry.

Looks like my old dog that died,

which is already making me kind of sad.

And went to Arizona State.

- Wow. You're like Jason Bourne if he was destined to die alone.

I just know what I want.

And I don't need to settle.

It's not like I'm 30...

dollars in debt.

Don't want to start a relationship in the red.

Good save.

- Well, I tried. I'm gonna go.

If I leave now, I can still get home in time to not be here.

Who am I gonna make out with?

Hey.

- Yo! Hold up.

Did we go to Arizona State together?

I'm pretty sure we had bio. Like...

Hey, bro!

Heard they started a beer pong tournament outside.

- What? - Yeah.

You got about two minutes

until he works out there is no beer pong.

Thanks.

I'm Emily. - Dan.

Did you just get here?

- Yeah. I just got out of the ER.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

- Oh, yeah, I am. I'm better than okay.

I'm a doctor.

Oh.

My team's actually putting the finishing touches

on this indestructible phone case.

- Wow. That seems like overkill.

Try and break it.

I dare you.

Okay, we still haven't figured out waterproofing.

Ah.

Can I see your phone?

- Are you gonna drop it in a beer?

Ohh.

- The... the picture on the home screen

is just a joke.

I don't really like "Gilmore Girls."

I mean, unless... Unless you also like them,

in which case I'm Team Jess.

Okay, I don't normally give out my number,

but I have a good feeling about you.

Text me.

*

*

- Here's a little message from The Riddler.

Oh, my God, Jackie.

I just met the most amazing guy.

Which picture do you like?

The one where I look good and he looks okay,

or the one where he looks really good

and I... oh, I still look good.

- Posting a photo on Instagram to let your ex know

that his engagement hasn't affected you at all?

- So, I'll just lose the hashtag "traded up."

But I actually do really like Dan.

I told you. I'm not picky.

I just know what I want.

- So, when do we get to meet Mr. Perfect?

Oh, it's Dr. Perfect,

and, uh... oh, right now.

- All right, obviously I'll just let him know that we're friends

so he's not threatened by our relationship.

- Obviously. - Obviously.

- Obviously. - What?

- Hey, everyone. I'm Dan.