Bob's Burgers

It's a good thing I'm finally trimming your bangs, Gene.

You probably couldn't see anything.

- Could you see anything? - Who's talking?

Personally, I enjoyed watching you bump into things.

Huh. I feel like I forgot to do something else important.

Something yesterday.

Did you forget to take out the trash?

- Did you forget to fart? - No.

Did you forget where you came from?

You're from the streets, Mom. From the streets.

No. Darn it! It's on the tip of my tongue.

Oh, well. Maybe I'll go downstairs and ask

your father!

Oh... Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- What, what? Mom? - Mom! What is it?

- Wh-What... What's happening? - Y-Yesterday was...

was your father's birthday!

No, it wasn't, that's not until... Oh, wait, yeah, it was.

It totally was.

I forgot your father's birthday.

No, no, why?

Why, God? No!

I feel bad for Dad.

I feel bad for Mom.

Look at her. She's a hot mess.

Speaking of hot mess... Gene, you might

want to take a look in the mirror real quick.

My bangs are bungled!

I have bungled bangs! Why?!

- No, no, no, why?! - No, no, why?!

Yeah.

- Bob's Burgers. - Bob, it's Teddy.

- Hey, Teddy. - I'm sure you noticed

I haven't come in for a few days.

I did. I mean, I just noticed.

I'm out of town with my mom.

She signed us up for a silent retreat.

Teddy, isn't the point of a silent retreat not to talk?

I'm calling to see if you opened

the birthday e-card that I sent you yesterday.

Yeah, I was going to, but it wanted me to download

three new programs... It just seemed like too many.

It's a picture of a dog drinking a soda,

a-and when you click on it, he burps and says "Happy Burpday!"

I-It's a... It's a little bit of a thinker.

- Yep, that's kind of funny. - Open it.

I actually am in the middle of something right now, Teddy.

I'm in one of those Internet auctions,

trying to get this vintage bacon weight I've had my eye on.

Geez. You didn't get enough presents yesterday?

I'm assuming Linda went all out, right?

Actually, no. She didn't do anything.

I-It was a little weird. Maybe she forgot.

Bob, there's no way Linda forgot your birthday.

Sir, I can't understand what you're mouthing.

"Get off the phone"?

Okay, Teddy, I'll talk to you later.

Say hi to your mom for me.

Hey, Mom, Bobby says hi.

Hey, Mom. Mom.

Ma! Mom!

Why?

Don't be so hard on yourself, Mom.

We forgot his birthday, too,

- if that makes you feel any better. - It's true.

Oh, it does. No, it doesn't. There's no excuse.

I can't walk around like this. This isn't me!

I'm not an Icelandic punk rocker.

Oh, I'm sorry, Gene. I'll fix it later.

First I need to fix this situation with your father.

Why didn't he say anything?

Were there hints or signs that I missed?

My driver's license expired today.

Wow, Mister Popular over here.

So glad Facebook reminded me

that it's your special day!

Nope, nothing.

How could we ever make this up to him?

- Maybe apologize? - Fake a coma?

Wait a minute. I know what we have to do.

We have to give your father a surprise party. Tonight!

- Tonight? - Yes, yes, tonight.

We-We just got to get your father out of the restaurant

for a while. That way I can say

I was pretending to forget his birthday,

just to set up the best surprise ever.

Like the end of that movie, Seven.

Hi, Bobby.

Hi, guys. Hi, Tina.

You're standing really close to me.

Hi, Dad. How are you today?

Hey, you know the guy who makes the huge bubbles down at the wharf?

- Um, the Bubble Master? - Well, I heard he's making them

bigger than ever these days.

Maybe you should check him out.

That's a great idea, Tina.

Bob, you should go down there for, uh, three hours.

What? No. We have to prep for dinner.

Also, everyone knows the Bubble Master

doesn't work past noon... He doesn't need to.

He makes a fortune. I think about him... a lot.

- Oh. - Gene, your hair looks...

uh, great. "Great" was my first thought.

The people who did this to me will be prosecuted

to the fullest extent of the law!

Damn it.

- What was that? - Oh, just this dumb online auction.

What are you bidding on... One of those flashlights

that can blind a bear?

A bunch of Ritalin from Canada?

Just this vintage bacon weight.

- Hello, Belcher family. - Hi, everyone.

Hi, Hugo. Hi, Ron.

What do you want, Hugo?

- Guess what time it is. - W-What time is it?

Health inspection o'clock.

- Hmm. - Come on, Bob. Let's do this.

All right. Hopefully no one outbids me on this...

Crap.

Wait, wait. Uh, hold on, Bob.

Why don't, uh, I just go with Hugo and Ron,

and, uh, that way you can stay here,

watch the dining room and finish your thing.

Oh, uh, great. Thanks, Lin.

Let's start in the basement, where molds and bacteria

start their families.

This is weird... everything seems to be in order down here.

Ron, you find anything?

I thought I saw a dead mouse,

but it was a potato next to a string bean.

Psst, Hugo, Ron. Come here.

What's going on? Why are you whispering?

Shh, shh, shh. I'm planning a surprise party

for Bob's birthday, and I need to get him out

of the restaurant for a few hours.

Is there any way you two could help me?

Help you with Bob's birthday?

Do you have any idea how uncomfortable

- that would be for me? - What? Why?

Linda. You and I were fiancés once.

Yeah, I remember. Kinda.

Those were the best four and a half days of my life.

- Okay. - And now you want me to help you

- plan a party for your husband? - Yeah.

Well then, I'm gonna need something out of this, too.

- Like fries? - No, Ron, not like fries!

Okay, Hugo, what is it you want?

I want... I want you

to call my parents.

- What? - It would make a big impression

if you called and asked them in a sad,

almost begging tone, if there's any possible chance

that I'm still single.

Oh, Hugo.

- Oh, Hugo. - Oh, shut up, Ron.

You know what? I'll do it. I'll call them.

But only if you can get Bob away,

and keep him away until 7:00 tonight.

- Do we have a deal? - Deal.

- Now, let me hear you do it. - Do what?

The call. What're you gonna say?

Oh, uh. Hello, this is Linda.

- Is Hugo still single? - Sadder.

Oh, um, uh...

Is Hugo still single?

- I hope so. - Too much. Split the difference.

Uh, so, how'd the auction go?

Not good. BaconltToTheLimit31 beat me at the very last second.

Turns out he really does bacon it. Right up to the limit.

He really does.

The bad news is I didn't find anything downstairs.

The good news is that I did find

- something upstairs. - Where?

You need to, um...

update and sign your safe food-handling license.

W-Wait, what? I-I don't even think this one's expired, by the way.

Uh, yup. This thing's super expired.

Might as well tear it up.

This is ridiculous.

It is ridiculous.

You're attempting to operate a restaurant

with a torn-up food-handling license.

That's why you need to come down to the Health Department office

and sign for a new license.

In person. Right now. Or I shut you down.

You can't be serious.

Bob, maybe you should just go.

Take as much time as you need.

All right, fine. I'll drive down there,

but this better be quick.

Uh, you? Drive? No, no, no, no, no.

They would never let you in without a certified vehicle.

W-Wait, what do you mean, "a certified vehicle"?

Get in the van, Bob.

Or, as I like to call it, Health on Wheels.

Oh, my God.

Okay, we only have a few hours to plan this party

and hide the fact that we all forgot your father's birthday.

And if we pull this off, we shall never

speak of this in our family again.