Awkward.

Previously on Awkward...

"Have we met?"

"You are cute."

I'm around to talk later after school.

I'll hit you up later, but it won't be to talk.

- Oh, hey, Jenna. - Is Matty here?

I had overslept, but I didn't remember sleeping.

I had been tossing and turning all night.

Why had Eva been at Matty's house?

Were they hooking up?

Was Matty confiding in her about his life,

and where was my stupid Palos Hills High hoodie?

I was already late to Tamara's senior hallway decorating sesh

for Spirit Week, but I was dispirited.

There was zero pep in my step.

Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.

I know it's not an excuse,

but Eva was at Matty's house last night.

I mean, I try to be a good friend, and then he goes out

and replaces me with the next random girl he can find.

And what's her deal anyway?

I mean, she thinks she's so cool and knows everything.

It's, like, stop trying to be friends with everyone.

And why are her legs so long?

She looks like a freaking alien.

Um, it's Eva.

Tamara's doing a million things, and she wanted to see

if you could bring her a large coffee.

Is that Jenna? And a cronut.

And a cronut.

Sure thing.

Cronut me.

Wow. Looks like Matty's new friend Eva's here.

Do I hear a bitch pitch in your voice?

She volunteered for Senior Spirit Committee.

Yeah, well, I think she also volunteered

to be his new side piece.

So? She's an eager beaver.

- Or he's eager for her... - No, don't.

Enough.

Stop moping over Matty.

The easiest way to get over getting busy with him

is to get busy doing something or someone else,

but since you could benefit from having a lock on your box,

you should concentrate on...

One second.

- Did you get another phone? - No.

Well, yes, but this one's Autumn's.

- Wait. Who's Autumn? - Autumn San Diego...

the online persona I created to catfish Jake.

Okay, as your friend, it is my job to tell you

that what you're doing is weird, stalker-y, and not healthy.

End it.

Chill with the freak and critique.

Of course I'll end it, just not now.

I am too busy to break up again.

- But if you... - Hold that thought.

I have another one for you.

You should cochair Spirit Committee with me.

It's a total resume padder, and I need all hands on deck.

If the seniors don't win Spirit Week,

I'll jump overboard.

You don't need me.

I'm sure that it'll be smooth sailing

now that you're in charge.

But I really do need you to show me

where to put these, um, rave sticks.

It's a robot arm.

The theme is the future. Duh!

- The banner is crooked! - Nice robot penises.

Can you help us, please, with this?

No. Your presidency, your problem.

- Matty, can you help? - Sure.

Oh.

Okay.

Got it?

Okay, catch you later, E.

Hey.

Just about last night,

nothing happened between me and Matty.

He just wanted to talk.

It's fine, we're not together.

Ugh, the Sophomore Sluts.

The Sophomore Sluts, or the SS,

are the mortal enemies of senior girls everywhere.

Somehow these girls had magically morphed

over the summer from dorky freshmen

to a hoard of cleavage-bearing, short-shorts-wearing,

giggling Kesha clones who were only too happy

to hang all over the senior guys.

What's with their hair extensions?

They don't match their whore-drobe.

Is this some kind of skanky cult thing?

Orange means they're willing to kiss,

pink... BJs,

red... they're willing to go all the way,

- and silver... - Back door?

Back door, front door, basement, and attic.

- (GASPS) Sluts. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Tamara, do not use that term.

There will be no slut-shaming at this school.

I prefer "slappers" or "slags."

It's British. Mm.

Val, your hair is very colorful.

Oh, thanks. You noticed.

It's the hot new trend. All the cool kids are doing it.

We aren't.

Your point?

Val, I'm not sure you fully understand

what those extensions really mean.

Yeah, I do.

They mean that you old ladies are behind the times.

So go back to your hard candies and your mothballs,

Dame Judi Denches, because I...

am the future.

What the hell are you doing?

That's Va-Jenna's job, not the Captain's.

I don't mind.

I like sorting the pom-poms. They're so colorful and fun.

And sometimes I like to pretend they're little fluffy dogs.

So I was reading the Bible last night.

Really?

That's so awesome.

Were you at a hotel or something?

My dad bought one when he thought

he was going to white-collar prison.

Anyway, I read that verse

about how the meek shall inherit the earth.

Matthew 5:5...

or Matthew high five.

Right, but now I'm not so sure

that cheering is what Jesus would do.

I mean, shouting and wearing short skirts

isn't exactly meek, is it?

Well, I never thought of it like that,

but I always thought Jesus would be a cheerleader,

and definitely Mary.

That's a really good point.

Reverse you're welcome.

Thanks.

You know, some people have been saying that the power

of the captaincy has really been going to your head,

but I don't think that's true.

- People are saying that? - Don't worry.

They said the same about me when I was captain,

though "Good Christian Girl" isn't exactly my brand.

Oh, another fun fact from the Bible.

Did you know that "Judas" and "Lissa" have

the same amount of letters?

So weird.

It's time for the first competition of Spirit Week...

Chubby Bunny.

- You all know the rules. - I'm afraid I don't.

Is Chubby Bunny some sort of fat rodent?

No, it's a physical challenge.

You put a marshmallow in your mouth,

and you say "Chubby Bunny."

The first person to say "Chubby Bunny" clearly

with the most mallows in their mouth wins.

- That is rude! - So piggish.

You're both rude and piggish, and it's tradition.

Now, can each class rep please come to the stage?

And, of course, the senior-class rep

and three-time Chubby Bunny champ Matty McKibben,

come on up.

- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - Please!

Let me do it this year.

- I'm not allowed sugar at home. - Go for it, man.

But it's really important that we win this.

Kyle's gonna kill it. Look at that intensity.

Ugh, fine. Get up here, Kyle.

Move.

On your mark, get set, stuff!

Chubby Bunny.

Chubby Bunny.

Chubby Bunny.

It's supposed to melt in your mouth not in your hand.

I'm a diabetic.

Ugh, freshman, is your brain even fully formed yet?

- Do you still breast-feed? - Not since I was eight.

Ew.

Kyle, you're not supposed to eat them.

Can't stop.

Sugar high.

So high!

The marshmallows are blazed.

My turn.

Mmm.

Chubby Bunny.

Mmm.

Chubby Bunny.

Sophomores win!

Yes! It is all about Mackenzie.

That girl is a professional.

We're talking star quality.

Matty.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. Why?

You're not upset about the end of your Chubby Bunny reign?

Yeah, yeah, I'm really broken up about it.