The A Word

I was tired of being upset

Always wanting something I never could get

Life's an illusion, love is a dream

But I don't know what it is

Everybody's happy nowadays

Everybody's happy nowadays...

Food for table three.

There you go, a cappuccino.

Hello?

Life's an illusion, love is the dream

Life's the illusion, love is the dream

Life's the illusion, love is the dream...

Stay back.

I went up the ladder, but he started moving around

so we're keeping it calm and low-key.

Calm and low-key? It's not a hostage negotiation.

What are his demands?

A pizza and helicopter to Alton Towers? I'm here now.

Fun time's over.

We've rung his mum and dad.

Look, we don't want to alarm him in case he falls.

I've got it. Calm and low-key.

Joe! Joe! Ground Control to Major Tom. Get down here now!

Not so close to the edge, Joe.

Hey! Joke's over, son. Now get down!

I'm counting to three and you're coming down. One. Two...

...three.

Has anybody got a big net and a bag of crisps?

Why didn't you keep your eye on him?

I thought it was your job.

I'm his Learning Support. I'm not with him every minute of the day.

Well, who was, then? Buzz Lightyear? Now, come on, Joe!

That's enough! Down! Down!

All right, call off the Swat team. Batman and Robin have arrived.

Mr Joe's Dad! It's Joe!

It's Joe! He's doing a Joe!

I can see. Thanks, Ramesh.

Special needs is all well and good.

That's enough, Mr Elliot.

Well, this is a thing, little man.

Everybody's Happy Nowadays. Buzzcocks. 1979.

Written by? Come down now, Joe.

Everybody's Happy Nowadays. Buzzcocks. 1979. Written by?

Come down and I'll tell you. Written by?

No. That's not what happens. What happens?

What happens is you come down and I'll tell you.

Is Baby Emily here?

Baby Emily is waiting in the playground.

Everybody's Happy Nowadays. Buzzcocks. 1979. Written by?

Hey? How did he get hold of your ladders?

I were getting a football off the roof.

Not, strictly speaking, part of my job description,

but that's by the by.

You couldn't stop him? A seven-year-old?

I didn't see him.

And even if I had, I couldn't've, you know, physically stopped him.

Well, not without filling out a form in triplicate.

Pete Shelley.

Well done.

Sorry, folks, sorry.

As long as he's safe and sound.

Yeah. Don't worry about it.

I'm sure you'd rather he was sitting on the roof than

hitting his head on his desk, hey? You're brilliant at handling it.

I... I can't think how it must be for you.

I've explained to my two that he's different so they're fine

with it, but maybe not all the other kids are, you know?

Yeah, thanks, Linda, but, erm, thanks again and sorry, folks.

We'll sort it.

Mr Joe's Grandad? Is Joe really in trouble?

I doubt it, son.

They'll probably give him

a government grant for performing arts.

Grab hold... grab hold of that.

Did anything happen at school today, Joe, that made you sad?

Or upset? Let me see now.

Why did you go up there, Joe? Were you missing Terry this afternoon?

I was missing Terry this afternoon.

Was it your school work? Something too hard for you?

Was it my school work?

Joe.

Has someone been bullying you, Joe? Cos I tell you what,

if a lad gives you a dig, you give 'em a dig back.

But ten times harder. Thanks, Maurice.

OK. Let's try this.

You went on the roof because...

Because.

Joe? Because...

I'm autistic.

I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. Nobody wants that.

Told you it was bullying.

Maurice. Go and tell Louise that

he won't be coming for his uke lesson today.

Can't you phone her?

Look, we owe her two weeks money and he needs his music for next week.

Go on.

Hi. Hiya.

Hello, Emily. I hope you've had a nice day with Alison.

It's all in the book, OK?

Oh, OK, quick, thank you!

Pleasure.

Now, then, young lady...

Right, then, it's Wednesday, so it's pasta with tomato sauce,

and banana for afters.

Nicola.

Oh, shit!

Well, this is a surprise.

And you know I don't like surprises.

Well, we came to see you! Didn't we?

Yes, we did!

Hasn't she grown? And a lovely smile.

Ye... Yeah, though I think her increasingly organised limb

movements are more remarkable than a smile which has been around

since she was six weeks and socially reinforced ever since.

Where's Eddie?

Eddie? Ah, what, what do you mean, where's Eddie?

He's at work, of course. Eddie, Eddie's at work. Why?

We just like to see both of you together, that's all.

Are you all right?

Like I said, I don't like surprises. And neither does Eddie.

Eddie. Erm, there's a problem. You need to get here.

Right now.

Joe?

Joe. You know that word you said? Autistic? Do you remember?

Whole Wide World.

Wreckless Eric. 1977.

You know how you find some things a bit more difficult

than the other kids?

Let me see now...

No. Hong Kong Garden.

Siouxsie And The Banshees. 1978.

So today, when you went up on the roof, what did you go up there for?

Can you remember?

Did somebody say something to you, Joe?

The Haribos.

What about the Haribos?

What about the Haribos? You didn't find them, did you?

No. Where didn't you find them?

Under the sink.

And where didn't you eat them?

Under my bed.

Right! OK. Right.

Is it me or did he just do a number on us?

I thought you were going to ask him what he thinks autistic means.

Well, I thought you were.

He clearly doesn't want to talk about it, does he?

No. Because he thinks it's bad. Or wrong.

No, we don't know that.

Well, why else would he say, "Nobody wants that"?

There's got to be something on the internet about this!

Or we could talk to actual human beings that have been through

the same thing.

Please not the Parents Support Group.

How can you say that when you've never been?

Three little words. "Parents", "Support" and "Group. "

Three more. "Narrow", "Minded" and "Twat".

It's like I've never been away.

Ah, there she is! Oh, you're back.

Ah, look at ya. My baby!

All right?

It's James.

Alison.

Oh, I think we met on Facetime once.

Was that Uganda?

You were moving around in the background in a very small towel. I don't remember the country.

Guess who's here?

Shrek.

Not this time.

Hello you.

You went away and you came back.

That's right!

I've been back all the time.

That's right.

Something Better Change.

The Stranglers. 1977.

Correct.

Joe won't be here today and they wanted you to have this.

Thank you. He's not still on the school roof, is he?

Ralph mentioned it.

No. No. Wait there. I've got next week's music for him.

Hiya.

Tricky chord change from G to F. G to F, you're saying. G to F.

Yes.

You all right. You keeping busy?

Yes, thank you.

Just children you're teaching now, is it? No adults? No men?

Or women? At all?

No. Not at the moment. But, er, thanks for the interest.

That was so close.

So close.

You can give me a lift to the brewery.

Have a look at that computer shit. You put it in wrong.

Dad, it's you. Not the program.

And I can't. Nicola needs me.

Light bulb need changing, does it?

So... Uganda. That must've been quite an experience.

Yeah. Before that, worked on a conservation project in Zanzibar.

Wow. Freeing dolphins from tuna nets.

Really?

Really?