Curb Your Enthusiasm

- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - Huh?

Hello?

Larry, it's Gina Grossbard.

- Stu had a stroke. - Who?

Stu Grossbard.

From the club.

What?

I thought you'd want to know.

Why the fuck'd she call me?

Yeah, it's like at three o'clock in the morning.

I don't even know the guy hardly.

- It's ridiculous. - So crazy. It's nuts.

What am I doing on that list of middle-of-the-night calls?

I don't understand it.

Better you than me. That's insane.

- The worst part? Yeah?

Now I'm on a text chain with his wife and the family.

Those chains. I've been on 'em.

- They're the worst thing ever. - (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

- (SCOFFS) - Wait a second. I bet this is another one. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

- The chain? That's crazy. It's-- It's the chain.

"Hope you're feeling better today.

My niece just drew this for Stu."

Yeah. - Look.

Look. Look at the picture.

- You gotta heart that. Just heart it. - (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

Oh, another one. Holy cow.

- It's a nuisance. - It's never gonna stop.

And I can't just drop out, they'll see I left.

Listen to this.

"My family and I are here whenever anyone needs anything.

Martha's beef stew is absolute perfection

and really heals all wounds."

It's really, honestly, like, the lowest form of human communication.

Hey, guess what? I got a date tonight.

- Wow. - With an artist.

- Really? Yeah. She's painting me

as part of a series of old Jewish comedians

called Wisenheimers.

- I think Richard sat for that. Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Yeah, he said she was cute. He asked her out, but he said it didn't go anywhere.

Oh, well, you know.

- Maybe he should've... - Some of us have it.

...gone to Atlanta and given some water to someone

- in the voting line, maybe. Huh? - Perhaps he should've given some water.

Susie has got a textile convention

in North Carolina,

- and she wants me to go with her. - What?

Yep. What's a textile convention?

You're not going to that. That's ridiculous.

- No, she already bought tickets. - What?

And dig this. Because it's last minute,

- middle fucking seats. - Oh, you can't go.

How am I gonna get out?

- Guys, can I do this here? - Oh, so sorry.

- Ugh. The whole day. Eh.

- You're not having the greatest game. - No.

- All right, I'm gonna give you that. Pick it up. - No cigar.

She's insane.

No, you gotta get out of that thing.

What? What the hell?

- The fuck's he doing? - What?

- Are you drinking? - What is that?

Just a little swing juice.

- Swing juice? Yeah.

- What's in it? - I go with iced tea and a little bit of just vodka.

You look like a derelict with that thing.

You mean a gentleman. Here's looking up your address.

That's bizarre. (SNIFFS)

Hey, you know what?

I think I got a way to get out of this trip for you.

- How? Yeah. - You have this dream, okay?

And it's like a nightmare about the plane.

And in the dream, you're thinking,

"Oh, I'm on a-- the middle seat.

Can't breathe. It's too tight. No room."

She'll wake up,

and you'll tell her what the dream's about,

and she'll be very concerned about you,

and she'll say, "Eh, okay, don't go."

- I like it. That's good. Huh? Is that good?

- That's pretty great. Yeah. - It's a dream scheme. Let--

- Let's see you do it. - All right. Uh...

- (WHIMPERS) - (LAUGHS)

Middle seat! Can't breathe. Oh, they're squeezing me!

Wake up! Wake up!

- (SCREAMING) - Wake up!

- Jeffrey, wake up! Wake up! - What? What? Oh.

You were having a bad dream. What's going on?

I was having a panic attack. I...

You're not going on the trip. I'm gonna go. You stay home.

- Do you like that? - I love it.

It's worth a shot. - It's worth a shot.

All right. Pretty good so far, huh?

So far. - You wanna be on my talk show?

- Of course. - All right, we're back.

Our next guest is a young artist from Los Angeles.

Her name's Renee Holcomb.

Please give her a nice round of applause.

- Yeah. - (LAUGHS)

Renee, welcome. - Thank you.

I understand you have an art show coming up soon.

I do. It's my Wisenheimer series.

Now, did you paint Larry David?

I did. I did. - (CHUCKLES)

I heard he's just an incredible person.

And an incredible face.

You know? It's Picasso-esque. You know, a little asymmetrical.

- Asymmetrical? - Well, you know, just slightly.

All right. Thank you for being on our show tonight.

- (RENEE LAUGHS) - And our next guest...

Okay, I've got the key lime pie and the herbal tea.

- Thank you. - Enjoy.

Well, thanks for being on my show.

It's a pleasure.

Mm.

- Mm. Hold on. - No good?

- Oh, God. Mm. Mm-mm. - Let me taste it.

What do you think?

- Ugh! Ugh! - Yeah. Right?

- Oh, it's disgusting. Excuse me. - It's terrible. Tart.

- Hi. Yeah. - I'm sorry to bother you.

- This pie. - You don't like it?

- It's really awful. Yeah. - Oh. It really--

- Inedible. Really. - It looked like you were both enjoying it.

The grimace looked like we were enjoying it?

I'm gonna get this off the bill for you.

- Thank you. - Perfect. Thank you.

Everything else has been lovely.

Looked like we were enjoying it?

I'll show you what it looks like when I enjoy something.

- What do you wanna do after this, by the way? - (LAUGHS)

Hi, there. - Oh.

Hi. - Oh, hello.

- This is yours, correct? It is.

Well, unfortunately, a little bad news.

I'm not gonna be able to take this

- off of your bill tonight. - Why?

It's halfway gone.

- You guys ate a lot of pie. Is this a joke?

It's not a joke. What you ate

went past the threshold of returnability.

Okay, I took a robust bite initially

because it's dessert.

Then I took a tentative bite to confirm that it was gross,

- and then he took a bite. - Three bites.

She took one bite. She said, "This tastes awful."

A second bite, "Yes, it is awful."

And you take a large bite at that point?

That's the part that doesn't make sense.

You have to take a large bite. How else do you confirm?

You can't confirm on a small bite.

Right. - You don't get enough taste.

- That's three huge bites. - You know what?

- Charge me double for it. - I don't need to.

She's an artist. She's a libertine.

We're going back to my house. We're gonna have sex.

We're gonna forget about this horrible experience.

- Exactly. Okay?

- We're gonna have great sex. - So there. Yeah.

- You two are gonna have sex? - Yes.

Yeah, you got a problem with that?

- No. No problem. - Let me ask you a question.

- Who made this pie? - Chef made the pie.

- No wonder. - No wonder?

No wonder. - Hmm.

Would you like me to go grab Chef,

and you can give him your thoughts?

Yeah, go get Chef. You think I'm afraid of Chef?

I don't know if you are, but I think you should be.

- Oh. Oh, I'm so scared of Chef. - Yeah, get Chef. We don't care.

I think when you meet Chef, you're gonna change your tune a little bit.

Oh, you think so? You think so? - Yeah.

Go get Chef. Go get Chef.

You're gonna regret this choice.

I'm the nice one of the two of us.

Okay. Yeah, get-- Oh, get Chef.

How'd you sleep?

- Not good. - Really?

- (CHUCKLES) Yeah. - Why?

- Oh, yeah. New person. - Yeah.

- Mm-hmm. It's weird. - Yeah. Yeah.

Well, aside from the insomnia,

- everything else was amazing. - Really?

- Mm-hmm. - Huh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right there. Right there.

- (LAUGHS) Yes! Huh? Oh. Huh? Huh?

- Huh? (SIGHS) Uh-huh.

- (SCREAMS) - (SHRIEKS)

What? (SCREAMS) - (SCREAMS)

- (SCREAMS) No, no. - (LARRY STAMMERS)

- (SCREAMS) - (SHRIEKS)

What the hell? - Larry, who the fuck is that?

- It's the housekeeper! - Why didn't she knock?

She's not supposed to be here! It's her day off!

- She should've knocked. She should've knocked!

You knock! You knock! Hey, you always knock!

You always knock. It's true.

- Ah, she seems freaked out. Oh, yeah?

- What gave you that impression? - I mean, I don't get it.