South Park

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Our factory works 24/7 to produce candy,

and we have over 500 employees.

Here you can see where the cocoa is mixed with the sugar and milk.

Wow, cool!

Chocolate rules.

You should know, fat ass.

Ey! I'm not fat, you sneaky Jew!

Oh, God, you guys, really? This again?

And here is where all the fudge is put into boxes

to be shipped all over the world.

Kinda like Cartman's dad shipped out on him.

I have a dad, butthole!

My mom is my dad!

You guys, stop!

All you're doing is rehashing a bunch of old stuff!

Hey Stan,

isn't that Tom Cruise?

Huh?

Oh, wow, it is.

Hey guys, check it out. Tom Cruise is a fudge packer.

What did you call me?!

Hey, that is Tom Cruise.

How come you're packin' fudge, Mr. Cruise?

I'm not a fudge packer!

Dude, you don't have to be ashamed or anything.

But I'm not a fudge packer!

Then why are you packing fudge?

I'm not.

I'm a very busy actor!

I'm just here trying to get away for a weekend and do some fly-fishing!

Dude, you are in a fudge factory packing fudge.

Oh, that does it! I will sue you!

For what?

You can't just call somebody a fudge packer and get away with it!

Hey, is that fudge packer Tom Cruise?

That's it! I'm suing this entire intolerant town!

- But dude... - No buts!

You wanna accuse somebody of being a fudge packer,

you're gonna pay the consequences!

Guys, I wanna really thank you all for coming.

Shockingly, I've just been slandered once again

in the town of South Park,

something I know you all can relate to.

- Sure can. - That damn town!

I can't believe it!

That town just seems to be a hotbed of hatred and lies!

I'm fed up with it! That town suggested I was made of shit!

Yeah, well, I was just over there doing some fly-fishing,

and this little boy walks up and calls me a fudge packer!

- Oh, man! - That's so crazy!

Crazy!

I know, right?

And then other kids in the town and their teacher start joining in.

South Park, Colorado, is the most insensitive,

racist, and bigoted place in this country.

That town thinks they can say whatever they want about people and get away with it.

If anybody has a gripe against that shithole, it's me.

Yeah, well, I say enough.

All of us together can put a stop to the slander

coming from that town once and for all.

No longer will they make snide remarks about whoever they want.

Yeah!

Hey, Tom, I ate too much Subway. Where's your bathroom?

Oh, just the door down the hall there, Jared.

No, no, no, that's a closet. Go down more.

No, that's a closet too.

No, Jared, that one's a closet.

No.

That's a closet.

No, that's a closet.

Stan Marsh to the principal's office.

Stan Marsh, come to the principal's office immediately.

- Dude, what'd you do? - I have no idea.

You just had to push it, didn't you, Stan?

You just had to make fun of Tom Cruise again!

Did you call him a fudge packer?

Aw,

he was packing fudge!

Little boy, you don't understand how serious this is.

Tom Cruise has put together a class action lawsuit

along with 200 other celebrities!

They're going to sue the bejesus out of this entire town, mm-kay?

It wasn't just me. Other kids called him a fudge packer, even Mr. Garrison.

But you started it.

Mr. Broflovski, tell him what you told us.

Stan, a class action lawsuit means the end of this town.

We can't possibly go up against their lawyers.

Damn it, Marsh, why couldn't you have just kept your stupid, ugly kid in line?

Hey, don't start blaming me for his looks!

Mr. Cruise, my son is so, so sorry,

and he would do anything to take back his hurtful comments.

That's nice.

I'm still suing you all.

Nobody calls me a fudge packer.

Yes, it was a terrible mistake.

But maybe you could see how...

since you do...

take fudge and pack it into a box...

What?

Well, I'm just saying that you are employed currently

as a person who...

packages...

I'm an actor! I do not pack fudge!

Right. My son just got confused,

because you have a little uniform

and a hat that says "Fred's Fudge & Candies."

And you are...

Look, it doesn't matter.

Just please withdraw the class action lawsuit.

Nobody in our town will ever call you a fudge packer again.

There is...

one thing that your town could do to...

maybe make me forget about this lawsuit.

Anything. Anything you want, Mr. Cruise.

It's just that there's somebody I've always wanted to meet,

face-to-face.

If you could get him to show up in your town...

Sure! Who is it?

We can get anybody for you.

Muhammad...

the prophet of the Muslim faith.

Oooh.

That's tricky.

Well, then, you can just get sued!

Mr. Cruise, if there's anybody else we could try and bring to town, we could...

No! Just him!

You get Muhammad to appear in South Park

or your little town is done!

Okay, people, I know, I know.

But he will get the other celebrities to withdraw their lawsuit

if we just get Muhammad to appear in South Park.

Are you nuts?

If Muhammad appears in South Park, we get bombed.

- Yeah! - That's right!

- You tell 'em! - We don't know that!

Maybe enough time has passed that now it's okay to show Muhammad.

Dude, I can't believe we are dealing with this Muhammad thing again.

But even if it were safe now for Muhammad to come,

how would we ever find him?

Yeah, showing an image of him is completely off-limits and censored,

so nobody has ever seen what Muhammad looks like.

I saw him once.

You did?

Yeah, a while ago my friends joined David Blaine's cult.

I had to go to the Super Best Friends to rescue them.

Muhammad was one of the Super Best Friends.

Oh, and what, and he was just out in the open

where everyone could see him, and nobody got bombed?

No, dude, it was totally fine.

Muhammad showed up and there was no violence at all?

Well, a giant John Wilkes Booth shot Abraham Lincoln.

All right, Stan, that's enough!

Jesus, you can't learn to shut up, can you?

Now, look, I believe we can find Muhammad.

I've done a lot of research, and I've completed a sketch

of what Muhammad could look like today.

No, don't!

Is that okay to show?

I don't know.

I guess we'll see.

Tom, what is up with this Muhammad thing?

It doesn't make sense.

Yeah, you said we were just suing South Park.

No, I said we were going to use South Park

to make sure we never got ripped on again.

Look, people, all of us get ridiculed,

but who is the one person on this earth

that is completely free from slander?

You want Muhammad because he can't be ridiculed?

Muhammad has a power that makes him impervious to being made fun of.

What if we could harness that power?

Jimmy Buffett,

how would you like it if nobody could call your music

"drunken frat boy monkey garbage?"

I'd love it.

By taking what Muhammad has, we would all be safe from ridicule.

Like Tim Burton here.

Imagine it, Tim,

nobody could rip on you for all the rehashed movies you've made lately.

There'd never be a TV show that pointed out

you haven't had an original thought since Beetlejuice.

And you put Johnny Depp and the same crappy music in every film.

And if you're that in love with Johnny Depp you should just have sex with him already.

A TV show could never say that!

Gee, that'd be swell.

Well, it can be a reality.

Once we have Muhammad, we can take his power from him.

Excuse me.

This is the home of Tom Cruise, right?

Hey, it's one of the kids from South Park that slandered me.

I didn't come for myself.

I'm just an escort for another celebrity who wants to get in on your lawsuit.

Who?

Allo!

Jennifer Lopez!

- Hey Jen! - Oh, wow!

Yes, I am Hennifer Lopez,

and I like tacos and burritos.

In the great hall of the Super Best Friends,