Friends

Tell him. Please tell him. - Tell him.

- Shut up. - Tell me what?

You won't even look at him. - Oh, come on, tell me.

I could use another reason why women won't look at me.

All right, all right, all right.

Last night, I had a dream...

...that, um, you and I were, uh...

Doing it on this table.

- Wow. - Excellent dream score.

Why...? Why would you dream that?

More importantly, was I any good?

Well, you were pretty damned good. Ha, ha.

Interesting, because in my dreams, I'm surprisingly inadequate.

Well, last night, you seemed to know your way around the table.

I love it when we share.

You okay there?

I can't believe you two had sex in her dream.

I'm sorry. It was a one-time thing.

I was very drunk, and it was someone else's subconscious.

- Hello, Rachel. - Ugh.

Get off.

Ooh. Oh, give me. Can you see me operating a drill press?

I don't know. What are you wearing?

Pheebs, why would you want to operate a drill press?

Just for some short-term work.

You know, till I get back some of my massage clients.

Pirates again?

No. Nothing like that.

I'm just such a dummy.

I taught this "Massage Yourself at Home" workshop.

And they are.

Hey, hey, Chan, she could work for you.

Thanks, Joey. That's a good idea.

What? I could. I could do it. What is it?

Well, my secretary's gonna be out.

She's having one of her boobs reduced.

It's a whole big boob story.

I could be a secretary.

Well, I don't know if it's your kind of thing...

...because, uh, it involves a lot of being normal...

...ahem, for a large portion of the day.

I could do that.

- What are you playing with? - It's my new beeper.

Why the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?

Is it, like, for dinosaur emergencies? "Help, come quick! They're still extinct!"

No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am.

All she has to do is dial 55-JIMBO.

A cool phone number and a possible name for the kid.

- I'll see you guys later. - Off to see young Ethan?

Thank you.

How young is young Ethan? Young?

He's our age.

When we were?

- Okay, he's a senior in college. - College?

Ooh. - Whoa.

And this man-child has no problem with how old you are?

No, of course not.

It's not even an issue...

...because I told him I was 22.

- What? - What?

- Oh, I can't pass for 22? - Well, maybe 25, 26.

- I am 26. - There you go.

Can you hear that?

Yeah. Ha, ha.

That'll stop when you pick up the phone.

Oh. Ha, ha.

- Okay. Ooh, I'm on. - Okay.

Mr. Bing's office.

No, I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.

I'm not in a meeting. I'm right...

Will he know what this is in reference to?

And he has your number?

All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye-bye.

- What? - Ross says hi.

Ah.

This is so fun. All right, what do we do now?

Well, now I actually have to get to work.

"Most likely."

- Okay, I'm gonna be out there. - Okay.

- All right. Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.

Yes?

What you doing?

Okay, windows are clean, candles are lit.

Ooh, belt's too tight. Gotta change the belt.

Did I turn the fish? Nope, because I made lasagna.

- Am I out of control? - Just a touch.

Mon, I don't understand.

I mean, you've been dating this guy since, like, his midterms.

I mean, why all of a sudden are you so?

Oh.

What?

Could tonight be the night?

I don't know.

Look, he's a great guy, and I love being with him, but, you know...

...things happen when they happen.

You don't plan these things.

- Oh. So did you shave your legs? - Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Would you let it go, Ross? It was just a dream.

It doesn't mean...

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, this is it. Oh, my God. It's baby time. Baby time.

All right, relax, relax, just relax, just relax. Be cool.

Yeah, hi, I was just beeped.

No, Andre is not here. Third time today.

Yes, I am sure.

Heh. No, sir, I do not perform those kind of services.

Services? Oh, services.

Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO.

Yeah.

That's right.

That's right. "JUMBO" with a U, sir.

Heh. No, you don't want me.

Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment.

Yeah. Alrighty, bye-bye.

Hey, hey. How was the first day? - Hey. Oh.

Excellent. Everyone was so, so nice.

See? It pays to know the man who wears my shoes.

- Me. - Ah.

- I didn't tell anybody that I knew you. - Why not?

Well, because, you know.

They don't like you.

- What? - I thought you knew that.

Nah-uh.

- Who doesn't like me? - Everyone.

Except for, um...

No. Everyone.

- What are you talking about? - Don't feel bad.

You know, they used to like you a lot.

But then you got promoted, and now you're all, like, Mr. Boss-Man.

You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing. Boss-Man Bing.

- I can't believe it. - Yeah, yeah. They even do you.

- They do me? - Yeah.

You know, like, um, okay:

"Could that report be any later?"

I don't sound like that.

- Oh, oh. Chandler. - Oh. Yeah, you do.

"The hills are alive with the sound...

...of music."

"My scone!"

ROSS, JOEY & PHOEBE: "My scone!"

Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.

That is so not... That is so not... That...

Oh, shut up.

Ha, ha. You did not.

I am telling you, up until I was 9...

...I thought gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happened.

- Ha, ha. How is that possible? - Think about it. It's always on the news.

"A man is being held up at Gunpoint."

"Tourists are being terrorized at Gunpoint."

And I just kept thinking, "Why do people continue to go there?"

Oh, ah.

- I should go. - Okay.

Okay.

- Unless... - What?

Uh, unless you wanna stay over.

I mean, I'm going to. So...

Yeah, I'd really like that.

Uh, before we get into any staying-over stuff...

...there's something you should know.

Okay. Is this like "I have an early class tomorrow"...

...or "I'm secretly married to a goat"?

Well, it's somewhere in between.

You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not, uh...

Well, I mean, I haven't ever, um...

- Ethan? - Yeah?

Are you a virgin?

Well, if that's what you kids are calling it these days...

...then yes, I am.

I, uh... I've kind of been waiting for the right person.

- Really? - Yeah.

You do know I was talking about you, right?

Wow.

You keep saying that.

You know, you read about it. You see it in the movies.

Even when you practice it at home, man, oh, man...

...it is nothing like that.

Oh.

Listen, listen.

Um, you told me something that was really difficult for you.

And, um, well, I figure if you can be honest, then I can too.

- Oh, God, don't tell me I did it wrong. - No.

- No, no, no. - Oh.

- Nothing wrong about that. - Oh. Ha, ha.

Um, okay. Here goes.

I'm not 22.

I'm 25.

And 13 months.

Huh.

But I figure, you know, that shouldn't change anything.

I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are?

Listen, um...