George Lopez: The Wall

We're about to get it started man! Move it up...

We go baby!

- Big George! - Alright

- Hey what's up? - What's happening?

Everybody's alright?

- Kennedy Center man - Yup!

Live? Hey, we're live on HBO right now

You've been in this place here before?

This place is the greatest that's why I came down here

- JFK? - Amazing

- Where are you from Ben? - From K-town L.A. Baby

What's up? Yeah man Alright

- K-town, dawg - And Rhea Moss

Moss' from Seoul, South Korea she came here... 20 bucks

- You know what I'm saying? - That's how we do it

That's how the immigrants do it That's what makes America great

Yeah it is man, that's what nigga's all about

It's great right here

I'm just glad to be at The Kennedy Center, you know...

Where I came through the back

- You came... - I came through the back door

But it's not... You know I joked through this time

I sneaked through the kitchen nobody ever saw me

But you know, seriously though?

- We're meant to be here - Yeah man!

That's right, these are my homies

- You've got work to do bro - What's up? Carlos Santana?

Hope you wash your mouth before you go

Ready to do this? We're live right here

Ladies and gentelmen!

Welcome to the stage

Live from D.C. At The Kennedy Center

George Lopez!

Hey!

A Mexican flag right there!

Alright... I mean, oh right on! Hi!

I better be speaking some Spanish tonight

I'll sprinkle in some English

For the 7 caucasians that are here thank you so much

I married into the family so I have to be here

This is, one of the greatest places to perform, anywhere in the world

The Kennedy Center

I've been here...

I know, I know huh!

I've been here 10 times

And standing here looking at who's here

This fucking place has never looked liked this

- Thank you - "George Lopez we love you"

I love you too, don't let me down

You remind me of somebody better though, save it!

Listen!

This is my fourth live... But here's what happened today

Like you get in the elevator

and you know, you're there and this lady's looking at me

and she's like..."I know you"

And I'm... I'm like "Yeah" She goes "Yes I..."

"God, I don't have a signal or I would google you, ah!"

She goes "Yes I know..." You know, I told her, I said

"I put it in your driveway"

You know what that fucking lady said? "Yes"

"Yes you did"

"Yes"

"I never got a chance to thank you"

I said "Yeah, but I didn't do it alone..."

She said, "Can you put in a fountain on monday?"

I said...

I said what all the workers say

"You can do it"

So I'm doing this special live tonight and tomorrow

Then tomorrow I'm off

And then Monday I'm putting in the fountain

Let me tell you something about this fucking... First of all

let me tell you something about... I know everybody...

Donald Trump fucked that...

Fuck him!

In case there was any question Fuck him!

Fuck him today, fuck him tomorrow

and fuck him three and a half years from now

And if you voted for him fuck you today...

Fuck you tomorrow and fuck you three years from now

Oh, my God it's so exciting

So if you hear I died tomorrow morning, I didn't OD alright?

Listen! that's what you get when you're an American

You get freedom of speech you get the first amendment

you're wrapped around the flag everybody's created equal

There are no minorities because we're all equal!

The word "minority" needs to disappear

If we're all created equal take "minority" out

I don't want to be called a minority

because that means I'm less than you

If you're calling me a minority you think I'm less than you

I'm going to tell you something right now

You call me a minority, you will lose the majority, you fucking...

Alright? I'll knock your fucking teeth out, how about that one?

You can smile like that

There's tension in the air...

There is tension

I'm a Mexican-American

We're in D.C.

You got a guy that's president

that questioned Barack Obama's citizenship, for 8 years

He said he wasn't a citizen It's like, you know what?

You're not really orange so sit the fuck down

Alright? It's a great time

Donald Trump is so orange the first time my Thio saw him

he tried to pick him he was like "That's..."

"That's the biggest orange I've ever seen"

"Thio, that's not an orange"

"Where is that tree? Where is that tree?"

"Because I'm going where is that tree?"

The wall, everybody's talking about the wall

They ask me, "How do you feel about the wall?"

I say, "You know what? We'll get over it"

You think that's the answer? A fucking wall?

Listen, people of Mexico they got the internet and airplanes...

We can fly over the wall

What about the president of Mexico?

Donald Trump told the president of Mexico...

"Stop saying that you won't pay for the wall"

"Because that makes me look bad Just say you're going to do it"

And the Mexican president said...

And Donald Trump's like... "Great, we agree"

I'm going to tell Donald Trump

"You wan to make America great? Fucking resign!"

"Resign!"

"And take the fucking rugrats with you"

The stork and the two sons

And the...

And the son in law... Fuck, Jack Scary

Listen! Latinos always hire people when they work

But they're not as fucked up as that Ford

At least we have a skill

Let me tell you something! This wall right here

30 million, I'm going to tell you something right now

I can do it cheaper! Alright?

I just put a driveway in...

I'm putting in a fountain on Monday

I'm your man

Really, i'm not the man because we're assimilated

Here's the thing, I have a lot of respect, I'm assimilated

Because, you know I was born here

But I have respect for people who come from other countries

who come to America who want to live a better life

That's what made America America, immigrants!

Your great-great-grandfathers

Your great-great-grandfathers

How...

How can anyone seriously stand there and say

"Go back to where you came from"?

Why don't you fucking go back to where you came from?

"I'm from Connecticut" No, no!

"Further back!"

"Maine?"

Immigrants are not the problem that America has, okay?

We're not the problem, you can't... You have to stop blaming

America's troubles on immigrants

Because they do the shit that nobody wants to do

You think that we're lazy? Let me tell you something

First they say that fucking immigrants are lazy

and they're stealing jobs you can't be both!

So... Decide which one it is

Cause you can't be lazy and steal a job!

But if you wanted to steal a job there's one about a mile away

you can fucking snatch!

Laziness... We're not lazy!

Let me tell you something it's hard to convince Latinos

the shit that other people miss work for

"Chronic fatigue syndrome?"

"I have Chronic fatigue syndrome"

"You're always tired?" "Yes"

"And you only have one job?"

"Repetitive motion?"

"You're missing work because you have to do repetitive motion?"

"My boss just expects so much from me"

"Yes, fucking mine too!"

Don't fuck with those people because...

they can't be taking jobs Let me tell you something

Just because you don't want to work the hours they work

Don't say that they're stealing jobs

I got in an elevator at 2:30 in the morning

And I said "Ah! You're working late"

Why would I even assume...

that somebody working at 2:30 spoke English? Come on!

"Can you push number five?"

"Five? Okay five!"

For 30 billion dollars...

You can get Latinos in Mexico to line up and be their own wall

"You get paid, come here, you want 500 dollars, stand right here"

"Line up, 500 dollars, 500..."

"Don't let nobody pass or they're going to get mad"

"That man is going to get mad"

After 8 hrs. "You're next! Stand right there"

The wall, that's an answer

That's the big answer that's the big...

That's going to cost 30 billion dollars

We're going to build a wall

Why don't you take 30 billion dollars

And give some fresh water for people who drink

And give everybody healthcare

And take care of the elderly