Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey?!

'Dear Santa,

'I know it's a tiny bit early to be writing you my Christmas list

'but I know how busy you get.

'You see, what I want for Christmas can't be found in a shopping mall

'or made in Santa's workshop.

'What I want for Christmas is for my dad to marry Sophie

'so I can get a new mum.

'Sophie came into my school to teach singing.'

'I was scared to perform in the nativity play

'but Sophie's a singing teacher who works with children who get shy.'

'And that's when Dad fell in love with Sophie.'

Sorry.

'Only trouble was,

'Sophie was already marrying Bradley Finch,

'but she decided to ditch him.'

Bradley...

'Even though he's a really famous flashmobber.'

I'm Bradley Finch.

'So I helped Dad propose to Sophie.'

- Sophie? - Oh!

- Will you marry me? - Yes.

Oh, Sophie.

Oh!

I lost the ring.

I've lost the ring!

'Then Sophie got a job in New York

'and they're meant to be getting married there on Christmas Eve

'but she still doesn't have an engagement ring

'so please, Santa,

'help my dad choose the perfect ring for Sophie

'and make my Christmas wish come true.'

- Er... which one? - That one there.

- That's enormous. - Ls it that one?

- What do you think? - It's beautiful.

How much is that?

Er... OK, urn... yeah.

- That's the one? - Yes, please. Thank you.

I wish you'd keep your big mouth shut sometimes.

- Thanks very much indeed. - Thanks a lot.

Let's get out of here before we do any more damage.

- Happy Christmas. - Thanks very much. Bye-bye.

Let's get some sweets.

- Ow! - I'm so sorry.

- Are you all right? - No, I'm not all right.

I'm on way to enter the flashmob competition, you know.

- Well, I said I'm sorry. - Well, I'll see if I can do my moves.

Not really. Anyway, just be careful next time.

Come along, Volumnia.

Come on.

- Get ready. - Come on.

See you on the sixth floor.

Santa!

Wow! Look, a flashmob.

Look, there's Santa, look.

Are you here to sign up for the flashmob competition?

- What do you win? - You win a trip to New York

to dance on top of the Empire State Building.

- We're going to New York. - Yeah!

Look down there. Look at that.

Someone's called security.

Who's responsible? What's going on?

So, what do we do? Do we sign up?

Yeah, if you'd like to sign in there for me.

Gordon Shakespeare, Oakmoor School.

And where does the actual final take place?

In and around the London Eye.

Oh, the London Eye?

It's Bradley Finch.

He's a friend of Sophie's. What an idiot.

Auntie Pat? Auntie Pat?

You'll not believe what I've just seen.

- I beg your pardon? - Who are you?

My name is Mrs Keen and I'm in charge.

Yeah, right.

Very good, Auntie Pat. You can come out now.

Could you please tell me your name?

- I'm Mr Poppy. - Yes, Mr Poppy, what do you do here?

I'm the Mr Poppy.

P-O-P-P-Y, Poppy.

Of course!

You're the nephew, aren't you? You're the nephew with the special...

Powers?

Sorry to be personal, but I really don't like the look of your coat.

Could you take your coat off, please?

This is my coat, OK? And this is what I can do with it.

- What is your subject, may I ask? - I can't hear you cos it's over my ears.

You look ridiculous.

I think you should change your name from a K to a M,

cos you should be called Mrs Mean.

I shall see you in assembly, but take that coat off.

I shall see you in assembly.

With the coat off!

Well, boys and girls, I think it's about time I introduced myself.

My name is Mrs Keen and I am your new headmistress.

Mrs Bevan, your old headmistress,

she's on a Christmas cruise in the middle of the Mediterranean at the moment

and actually she's rather dumped me in it

because this term we're having an Ofsted inspection.

We don't know when the inspector's coming

but he has the power to shut the whole school down forever.

The only good thing Mrs Bevan did

is provide us with what is called a super teacher.

He's arriving today.

He'll be quite strict but he is going to get us through the inspection

and the one thing he will not expect is a four-legged creature in assembly.

He's part of the St Bernadette's gang.

No, we don't have gangs.

Get the animal out of assembly.

Mrs Keen?

Mrs Keen, wait.

Archie's got an idea.

Archie, do tell me, what is your idea?

Flashmobs.

We can do flashmobs and save the school.

Flashmobs? What are you talking about?

Yes. I was going to take the class to the Empire State Building

and do a flashmob.

Mr Poppy, flashmobs have got nothing to do with school inspections.

Sorry, but you've just gone on in the assembly hall about super teachers.

You've got a super donkey here. He can dance, he can sing.

I can put a little cape on him if it makes you feel better.

What you like to tell me, what sort of dance does he do?

A highland fling?

He does contemporary, he does urban, he does break-dancing.

Mr Poppy, come with me.

You see what that says? Read it.

You can't read can you?

- You're not at all qualified. - Well, I'm trying.

- You have to go. - What have I actually done that's so bad?

Please don't make this any more difficult. You are expelled.

E-X-P-E-L... Oh, what's the point in spelling it?

I'm very sorry. And the sooner you go the better.

Archie, look after the place for me.

Can you move out of the way?

- I've been expelled. - Have you been naughty?

No, I didn't do anything. She's got nothing on me.

Please don't leave.

If she could even understand in her tiny brain how important the flashmob is.

Think how many millions of people will see us dancing

at the top of the Empire State Building.

No one's gonna close a school down with that much talent.

Can we still do the flashmob?

You're gonna have to try and keep it going with Archie.

Look, I know he's a donkey, guys,

but he's taught me more about teaching than any teacher ever has.

More than this guy, or this guy.

Do you know what?

The only people that I can rely on are you guys.

- See you, guys. - Bye-bye.

Bye.

Hi, Sophie.

Oh, Lauren, I've just arrived at the hotel. It's so exciting.

We're gonna have such a fantastic time here.

- Awesome. - Look, look. Look at the bed.

WOW!

Oh, I wish you were here, Lauren, cos we've got so much to do.

I've designed a few of your dresses.

'Oh!'

Are we still having a winter wonderland wedding?

A winter wonderland!

'I miss you so much.'

I want you to be my mum more than anything.

'I know. I want to be your mummy too.

'I love you.'

Me too.

We want Poppy! We want Poppy!

What on earth is this?

- We want Poppy! - What are they doing?

- What's Poppy? - I don't know what Poppy is.

I'm so pleased to see you. You've arrived just in time.

The inspector's on his way any minute now.

What are you doing?