Dag

Hi.

This would have been my wife's birthday.

Congrats, then.

Off to kill a few more patients?

You killed your wife. You fucked her to death.

Euphoria - wasn't that something you could feel until you understood the word's meaning?

Thanks and goodbye. Next.

Wow. It's you. Nice outfit.

Airy and pleasant. Cool in summer, warm in winter. Like being amphibious.

Right now, I'm at 72 degrees.

Now it's warmer.

- Come on in. - Hey!

You forgot your tent.

Isak, how can I help? What's new in your life?

Lots. I've seen the light. I'm now a disciple of the Prophet...

First, I met you. You opened the door to the happy hookers, -

- the songbirds of sexuality, but it got lonely after a while.

Dirty, empty, and damn expensive.

But I drive a cab, and am exposed to different cultures constantly.

- So now... - I'm Muslim.

- And this is? - Fatima.

- She doesn't speak? - Not in public, only at home.

I've tried to get her onto my coffee regime, but had to give up.

The cops came, thinking we had a party. We'd had two pots each.

I'm trying to learn Arabic, but when I can't pronounce it, I scream:

- Which means? - Something is good?

- God is good. - At least I'm trying.

You didn't come here for Arabic lessons.

I can't have children. My testicles can only turn out mocha.

The point is that Fatima has two lovely kids.

Her husband blew himself up with a busload of Harry Potter books in Peshawar.

The point is that the little buggers love to draw.

I ask if it's a plane. No, it's a tanker passing a fisherman.

- You get it? - No.

I'm afraid they'll draw the prophet.

If a plane is a tanker, what am I to think?

I'm scared. Do I shoot them when I come home -

- because they've drawn a nice goose, and it's Muhammed?

- Fatima, what's your take on this? - This is not in public.

- He's insane. - I take your faith seriously.

No, the extremism.

Is it better that a drunk Dane draws Muhammed?

Presumably, any child can draw Muhammed.

Pencils should be banned. Coffee?

Well, I'll try to take this seriously -

- so you don't come back accusing me -

- when Isak kills the kids for blasphemy with crayons.

All religions are based on loving thy neighbor.

I don't think Muhammed would mind being drawn.

I don't think Jesus wants Christians to ban condoms -

- in a country riddled by AIDS. I mean religions in general now.

You've moved so far from the true meaning -

- that if God existed, he would turn his back on you.

Once, he had Michelangelo, and Bach on his side.

Now he has priests fucking children and people blowing themselves up -

- for a hundred virgins in Paradise. What the fuck?

You have created a God where to satisfy his rules -

- automatically makes you a miserable, scared human being.

The voice inside you that tells you what's right and wrong is not God.

It's your humanity. You say: "It comes from God."

No, it doesn't. Give me a single example of a good deed -

- a believer can do, that a non-believer can't do.

You can't think of a single one.

Give me an example of an evil act, based on religion.

You could be here till morning.

Have some self-respect.

- Hour's up. - So it's fine for the kids to draw?

Definitely.

- What are you doing? - Tension.

- He's very good with his hands, Dag. - And Mengele was a good doctor.

- Stop that. - It's no good to stop halfway.

There's nothing in your mind about massages now. I know that.

That's not true. I'm happy to help a girl out.

Come on.

You can come back and help another day.

Good lord.

- Better? - Much better.

- That's good. - Come on.

I kissed Trine. Or she kissed me. I'm not sure.

That's good? Or not?

I don't know what I'm doing.

First thing this morning, I looked at Eva's Facebook pictures.

You kissed one, you're in love with another -

- and you're not with any of them. What's the problem?

Can't we just pretend that you're normal for once?

The point isn't whether I'm in love, -

- but that I did a shitty job with Eva.

I can't get it out of my head until she feels better.

- Why do you want that? - Because she deserves it.

- Because you're in love. - No, but that thing with Trine isn't helping.

- And what does she want with me? - I guess she like you.

Not everything needs a deep, philosophical reason behind it.

If everyone was like you, we'd be 11 people -

spread out over 6 continents.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I burned her a CD.

I was at her place, listening to the radio.

A medium where you don't get to pick the next song.

I thought it might be cute, in a High Fidelity way.

I'm going to feel like an idiot, standing there with the disc.

It's nice anyway.

What's the difference? You feel like a fool already.

No, come on. Just do it.

I've got to get going. I'm trying to build some goodwill at home.

I promised to relieve Mia's cousin with the care -

of her quadriplegic sister.

Sad story.

Wait. I've got something for you.

- What's all this? - All the drugs from my place.

I didn't have the heart to throw it out, -

- so I figured you could make some use of it.

Consider it a sociological experiment, -

and don't do it all at once.

Wait.

There.

It's not for me. Relax.

OK.

Oh, fuck. Wow, wow, wow.

Happy birthday, mommy.

I've saved a picture of you for my son.

You look very pretty. Just the way you'd want to be remembered.

You did the best you could.

He seemed really cheerful as he left.

Yeah. Christmas for Bad Santa.

I've got something for you too.

So we won't have more massage assaults from the Erection of Baskerville.

- What is it? - Not what. Who.

This is the most relaxed day in your life.

Give it a good home.

Hi.

I thought you might be home.

- I just fed Leon. - He's asleep?

I was a little dazed at the office yesterday.

- I should have said something. - Like what?

"Welcome home", or something.

I could have called ahead, but...