South Park

*SOUTH PARK* Season 22 Episode 04

*SOUTH PARK* Episode Title: "Tegridy Farms"

All right. Thanks for comin' in today

to discuss your daughter's behavior, m'kay.

Exactly what kind of trouble is Shelley in, Mr. Mackey?

Well, unfortunately, we found out

our playground monitor has been accepting favors

to look the other way at recess and, uh...

your daughter sent him

an inappropriate picture.

Of her butthole, m'kay.

Her butthole? Shelley!

Why would the recess monitor

want a picture of my daughter's butthole?!

We've been having a lot of issues at the school

with kids vaping lately,

and they bribe the recess monitor

however they can.

Jesus Christ!

How much worse can things get around here?!

M'kay, but... but there is good news, m'kay.

We had the picture analyzed, and it turns out it was

actually just a picture of a dog's butthole,

m'kay, that your daughter claimed was hers.

M'kay, there it is... a little fur right there.

Seriously? Dog's butthole?

That's what we're doing now, huh?

There's not enough bad things in the world?

We get called into school,

here's a dog's butthole for ya.

That's what it's all come to, Shelley!?

I'm over it, Sharon.

I am seriously over it.

Don't you wanna just start over?

Go back to simpler times?

What do you mean?

I've had it... school shootings,

pieces of shit taking Ambien and tweeting,

priests raping kids, and somehow...

I'm not laughing anymore.

Let's do it, Sharon, what I've always talked about.

Let's get outta here.

Go buy a farm and live off the land.

Are you being serious?

I've never been more serious.

Hey, the lights green!

Shut up, Nelson!

Let's move out to the country.

Go back to simple living when things mattered,

like hard work and tegridy.

How will we make a living?

By growing things

and selling what we make with our hands.

We can do this, Sharon.

It's time.

Shit...

So, just like that? Your parents sold

your house and everything?

Yeah, it takes me like an hour

to get to school now. It sucks.

All because Shelley bribed the playground monitor

to let her vape during recess.

Why would your sister want to get

addicted to those things?

Well, your little brother does it too, Kyle.

What are you talking about?

You didn't know? The kindergartners are, like,

the biggest vapers at this school.

Vroom, vroom.

I am a truck!

Watch out for the monster!

Ike!

Ike, do you have a vaping pen?!

Nope.

Dude! Gimme that!

Hey! Gimme back my vaporizer!

What is this?

Cherry-flavored nicotine?! Are you joking?

Aw, come on! All the kids are doing it.

Yeah! I like lemon flavor!

I like raspberry!

Why do you want nicotine?!

Do you know how hard it is being a kindergartner?

We need a break sometimes!

These things are bad for you, do you understand?!

Bad kindergartners!

Relax, bitch.

Try some gummy bear surprise.

All right. Where'd you guys get these?

Mornin', Joe. How's the farmin'?

Doing good, neighbor.

Just planted some Purple Skunky Kush.

Harvested the Super Hindu Haze last week.

Well that's fine, Joe, just fine.

I'm growin' some Green Willy Stranger myself.

And the Catatonic Tegridy Bud is takin' well.

Well, see ya 'round, neighbor!

So long, Joe!

Kindergartners said it's some big kid

in a trench coat.

Hey, look!

That's gotta be him.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna tell him if he sells a vape pen

to my brother again, I'm gonna kick his ass!

Hey, you!

Oh! Hey, fellas!

- Butters?! - What are you guys doin'?

Butters, are you selling vapes?

Well, sure! Whatcha lookin' for?!

I've got strawberry, vanilla, tropical passion...

- What?! - Tropical passion.

It's like mango and kiwi.

Butters, you understand this stuff is

an epidemic at our school?!

Yeah, and at five bucks a pop, we're gonna be rich!

Butters, this is for Kyle.

Oof!

Randy, I think we need to have a talk.

No time to talk.

The agricultural inspector's about to drop by.

Once we get certified from him,

we can start selling like a real farm.

Have patience, wife.

Soon our fortunes will change.

Ooh, that must be him now!

Yes, I'm with the State testing board.

Is this... Tegridy Farms?

Name's right there on the sign. Come on back!

So, with this Vestin device,

I can check not only the THC levels in your product,

but also detect any impurities and give you a final score

based on overall chemical makeup.

Yep.

That's good shit.

Now let me test the levels in your organic house blend.

Yep. That's good shit.

Now what about the Tegridy Jungle Bud?

Let's test it out.

Whoa.

Yeah?

- Whoa. - Yeeeah?!

I don't know what tegridy is,

but that is some good shit!

All right!

Butters?!

- Why'd you punch me, Eric?! - I had to!

I thought we were partners!

Butters, next time when Kyle walks up to you

and says "Are you selling vape stuff,"

You say, "No, I am not, Kyle."

You punched me in the face!

Butters, we have to be extra cautious right now

or else we're... hang on, hang on...

Hang on.

Hang on.

Okay, we have to be extra cautious, Butters.

The whole operation is in a period of transition.

What's that supposed to mean?!

In case you haven't noticed, we're falling behind.

We haven't sold enough product to pay off our overhead.

The people I bought from are on my ass!

Everything costs money, Butters.

The pens, the juice, even that jacket I got you.

We can't start getting sloppy now. Do you understand?

Well, I don't know how this means

you can go and punch me in the face...

Everything will make sense, Butters, I told you.

Just stick with the plan, okay?

Did you know that vaping is way healthier

than smoking cigarettes?

All right, everyone!

Who's ready for some farm-to-table supper?!

We've got some hemp milk here...

hemp-oil and vinegar bruschetta...

some hemp seed tabouli.

And guess what the napkins are made from?

Oh, wonder who that could be.

Howdy. What can I do ya for?

Is this Tegridy Farms?

Yeah, name's right there on the sign.

Our company is interested in your product.

We'd like to do some business with you.

Really?! Hey, that'd be great!

What kind of company...