2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams

1864, April 22nd.

I remember that day like It was yesterday.

A renegade troop of Northern soldiers

fought In the so called Civil War,

raped our women, murdered our children,

even took out my goddamn eye

I can still hear Granny's cries

as they burnt Pleasant Valley to the ground.

They killed us all,

doomed us to a life in limbo.

Nothing more than ghosts seeking revenge.

Guess that's the way the good Lord wants It.

Eye for eye, tooth for tooth,

as the Old Testament says.

One thing's for certain,

our souls ain't ever gonna find rest

'til all 2001 are avenged

2001 Maniacs Field of Screams

Yes, sir, name's Buckman. Mayor James W. Buckman.

And here In Pleasant Valley,

the anniversary of our tragic massacre has arrived.

And so have we.

Knives have been sharpened for justice,

table set for revenge.

We try to make sport of it for the little ones.

No reason vengeance can't be fun.

Only thing missing are the Yanks.

And so, yet again,

we wait.

Must admit Granny's been deeply loyal through the decades.

Just ain't Into rubbing ankles with her no more.

Last time we did, I popped my son.

Filthy scum.

I think that's them coming now.

What in the blazes-?

Yee-haw I

Come on.

# The South's Gonna rise again

# The South's Gonna rise again #

Yeah I Yee-haw I

# The South's Gonna again #

You ain't gonna like this none, Daddy.

Sheriff Freeman here, done tore down the detour sign

Will you please?

# Yeah I #

Damn!

What seems to be the problem here, my good Sheriff Freeman?

The problem, my good man, is every spring I get calls from State police

after yours little festival, looking for missing Northern folk.

Up 'til now, I've played ball ya'll,

but now I've got Ben sniffing around my butt.

"You've played ball, " because we've paid you quite a generous bounty

for your stewardship, ain't that right, sweet cream?

You didn't mind me when you was a cub scout, you little Davy?

No, ma'am.

You wouldn't be pretending you can resist me?

No, ma'am.

That's what I thought.

Look, milk or no milk, I ain't dropping the soap in prison for none of ya'.

Ain't gonna be no more jamborees.

No more feastin', no more killin'.

None of it! Is that clear?

Clear as a nighttime kiss,

on a young possum's cooch.

This town used to be a jewel on the crown of the South.

You maniacs squeezed it into a turd.

Now hush up, you big baby, you're ruining all the fun.

Amen, Harper. Such Ingratitude brings a tear to my eye

when I think of all the hard work that went into making this thrill ride.

Am I right, folks?

Yeah!

Damn you and your thrill ride.

Well if that's how you feel I'll have to tickle you on the way down.

Hold on a minute, wait a minute ya'II.

Come on.

Hold on.

We'll make a deal.

No!

No ? No.

Fuck you and your maniacs!

Wait, wait a minute.

Bye-bye.

No. No!

Okay, folks, what time is it?

Roll out the barrel!

The what?

Roll out the !

I'm- I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Kill that mother fucker!

You got it! One,

two,

three!

Ugh I

Bulls eye!

Oh! Let's hear some of that 'oI death rattle!

I'll see you in hell, Buckman.

We're already there.

Ugh!

# Rot in hell Rot in hell #

Ah, well, Bucky,

if the Northern folk won't come to the South-

Well, we'll bring the South to them!

Right there on the road,

don't forget to check the backseat.

Next week on Road Rascals

the Old South gets a taste of Beverly Hills,

as America's favorite debutantes Rome and Tina Sheraton, head to Georgia.

Watch out, red states.

'Cause we're coming your way.

I hear the South smells like shit.

Isn't the Liberty Bell In ?

I hear they have these bugs there, called chiggers, that sleep in your puss.

Those Mexican cleaning ladies better not bitch us out.

My sister has got to ditch that icky dead dog,

yeah it was sad when Biscuit died but then Rome got it taxidermed.

I cannot stand my sister's boyfriend, Falcon.

He's so gay. Hello?

Tina's, not for sure, but, you know,

it's not like we're married or anything, so.

Yo, yo, yo, what plays in Georgia, stays in Georgia.

Just don't tell Rome. Right, bro?

All this and more, next week on Road Rascals.

So, that's the promo.

Nice.

Don't you just love it?

Absolutely. Red state, blue state,

Rome and Tina Sheraton,

the wing of the left flying deep Into the heart of the rights.

I think we're talking Golden Globe on this one.

Why so shortsighted, Jerry,

I mean, why not Pulitzer, or the Nobel?

What could possibly be more prize winning

than these two jiggling their tits across the heartland?

Bristol, please.

Well, I know Mommy's little Biscuit loved it.

Didn't she?

Mommy's little Biscuit doesn't love anything any more,

will you bury that already. It fuckin' stinks.

Why do you have to be such a goddamn tool, K-Jay?

I'm not the one smacking a stuffed corpse.

Tina.

Falcon.

Stop bagging on the rat.

Ow! I mean, K, can't you show Biscuit just a little respect?

Bro, who's on the fucking leash? You or the bag of sawdust?

Look, dude. I kiss her ass, she makes me famous.

Fucking cheapskates put some damn curtain like I'm the fucking hired help.

Where the fuck are we anyway?

Iowa? What the fuck Is In Iowa?

I shouldn't have let you drive.

Will you get off your rag already?

How many times do I have to tell you?

Momma wants a hard shell taco when all you got is a soggy chingadera.

Shut up, baby.

I got a hard shell taco. You need to supersize it. Now back to work.

Come on, come on. There you go.

Now shut the fuck up and suck it.

Yes, yes, yes, I can see. I can see It.

I see a new moon rising.

Excuse me I've had enough of this shit

I know you and these asses

like to do whatever you want down Rodeo drive,

but here, I'm the producer

I'm the boss There'll be no party, no drugs,

and no sex!

Do you think you can put that no sex clause in Jerry's contract?

There's no respect, I'm the driver, the production assistant,

I'm the fucking caterer

the fucking- Fuck, fuck, baby.

We're full time party girls, Val. Okay? It's what we do.

And it's like, you don't want us doing what we do.

Yeah, like making me wear panties to the Saturn A wards,

or not letting Rome shave her head.

Girls, girls, it's not about wearing panties

or shaving your puss- Head,

It's about not letting these parasitic boyfriends drag you down.

You got to evolve into modern women.

More like modern rug munchers.

Shit- Uh-

Uh, uh, Madre de Dlos Madre de Dlos

Damn I

What happened?

Get off of me

What the fuck is wrong with you, Jezus?

It's "Jesus", puta, and I hit a fucking detour sign.

I n the middle of the road?

Yeah.

How much is this gonna cost me, Jesus?

Knowing your cheap ass, you probably didn't even insure this piece of shit,

so I just made you some money, bruja.

Look, they spelled it the French way.

Where the fuck are we anyway?

Iowa.

How the fuck did we get to Iowa?

Sorry, I was a little bit distracted.

Hey, we could always camp out.

You know, get the girls In thongs,

roasting marshmallows,

It would make for some great footage.

H m, I don't think so. This place looks way too creepy.