Mr. Osomatsu (おそ松さん)

Cavematsu-san

Cavematsu-san!

Museum

And this is the biggest exhibit at our museum,

a petrified mammoth.

For some reason, there were dead cavemen in its body.

How did this happen?

Experts are still unable to explain it.

End

Sangokushi-san

So for whatever reason,

we're doing The Romance of the Three Kingdoms this time.

Wu

Wei

Shu

Around 2000 AD, the Chinese kingdoms of Wei, Wu, and Shu

opposed each other and were fighting hard for supremacy.

However, did you know there was actually a fourth force

that also existed around this time?

Matsu

Its name was... Matsu.

Nihao

Matsu Castle

Unify the Country

What kind of kingdom was Matsu?

Emperor

Sake

This was Matsu.

We're going to win!

As you wish! Yes, yes!

We're going to attack!

As you wish! Yes, yes!

Let's take over the country!

As you wish! Yes, yes!

Man, it's so fun being me. Everything is so merry.

Let's hurry up and take over the country, ‘kay?

Emperor.

Our empire is small, yet very powerful.

With our numbers, we'll have no problem taking over the country.

Really? You sound pretty shady.

First, there is something called a strategist that you need in any battle.

Strategist?

That's the strategist?

He's got snot dripping from his nose. Can he be trusted?

He's eating peaches now. Does he like peaches or something?

I love them!

Love them! Love them!

And he's speaking pretty casually to the emperor.

I love peaches!

Then we have the brave general.

Brave general?

He's filled with loyalty and combative spirit. He's extremely reliable.

Emperor! Emp'ror!

Huh? What's he saying?

Em'ror!

Isn't he taking his title a bit far? Brave seems to have turned into crazy.

Yeah, I can't hear him at all.

Uh, he died? What?!

And then we have the barbarian king.

What's a barbarian king?

He usually doesn't work under any authority, but if you can tame him,

he's sure to prove useful.

He's absolutely necessary to establish a kingdom.

Uh, but he just took a dump.

Lord

Sake

Do people usually poop this much? Is he okay?

You're still not done? You can seriously stop.

I don't want any of this!

Then we have the youthful talent.

A hundred generals, a thousand... Who knows how much he'll grow?

Hey, you! You need to train properly!

What? I just got yelled at.

Yeah, I quit. I'm going to another kingdom.

He's a millennial. Don't need him.

So, who are you?

I am a civil servant who aids in governing the empire.

I'll use my intelligence and experience to one day cause a coup d'état

Totoko

and steal the position of emperor.

You're the most worthless one here! Who do you think you are?!

Now, my emperor.

You should stop yapping so we can hurry up and attack our enemies!

You're the one who started yapping.

Well, I guess we can give it a try. Hey, someone get a map!

Emperor

As you wish! Yes, yes!

Wei

Shu

Wu

By the way, how do you even read this? I can't read it.

Strategist! How do you read this?

Huh?

Wei

Well, this place looks strong, so let's not go here.

It has the character for "ogre" in it.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't wanna go here. It has "bug" in it. I don't like bugs.

Shu

Yeah, yeah.

Then that leaves...

Wu

this one, "Kure."

Okay. We're going to kick Kure's ass!

As you wish! Yes, yes!

We're going to attack!

As you wish! Yes, yes!

Let's take over the country!

As you wish! Yes, yes!

Welcome

Matsu Castle

Go!

Matsu Castle

Unify the Country

It's too far! We're never going to get there by running!

Where is Kure? I'm beat.

This is where the strategist comes in. Do you have any good strategies?

Peaches!

So good.

Strategist!

Wanna quit taking over the country, then?

Huh?

I'm honestly not too serious about this.

I just sorta wanted to yell, "As you wish! Yes, yes," along with everyone else.

Huh?

Me, too.

Huh?

Same goes for me.

Huh?!

Me, too.

Me, too!

What?! All of you?!

I just wanted to have fun with everyone.

Shouldn't make this a job. Should just keep this a hobby.

You guys can't be serious! That's not what you said earlier!

Shut up!

Who's there?

I'm fine now.

May I ask you for your name?

My name is Sousou.

S-Sousou?

Who's that?

No idea. What a weird name.

Such a weird name.

I am the prime minister of the great country of China!

Th-The prime minister of China?

What's China? Some kind of kingdom?

No idea. What a weird name.

Such a weird name.

More importantly, doesn't your attitude sort of suck, considering we just saved you?

Yeah, I thought that, too. Sousou-dono should be thanking us first.

Yup, yup.

I didn't mean that as a pun on your name. It was just a coincidence.

It was! Come on, you're embarrassing me.

Wh-What are all of you doing here?

Huh? We're getting ready to take over the country.

With your numbers?

What about you, old man? Whatcha doin'?

Were you fighting?

I was at the Battle of the Red Cliffs.

Red Cliffs?

It's a crucial battle that may decide who will rule over the country.

I've been slightly delayed, but I can't continue to sit here.

Hey, what are you doing?

You're going back with those wounds?

Yes.

Well, that's stupid. You really shouldn't.

There's no way you can win when you're that beat up.

But this battle will decide the fate of the country!

Well, who cares about the country?

We're more worried about your health.

There's no point if you die.

It's probably better to run right now.

Rest.

There are just some things you can't do.

Just give it up.

Go home, go home.

It could be that it is men like you who are honest,

earnest, and without malice who will lead these troubled times to peace.

Hopefully we'll meet again.

Thanks for everything.

Did he just compliment us?

Apparently.

I feel good.

Yeah.

Come to think of it, I think I've heard the name "Sousou" before.

Is he someone important?

Yup, yup.

Wei

Wu

So these are the Red Cliffs...

I'm sure we can do it if we try.

Let's do this!

We can do it.

Yeah.

I won't let this end as a hobby.

Let's win!

As you wish! Yes, yes!

Let's attack!

As you wish! Yes, yes!