The Mirror Has Two Faces

If f sub x...

x, which is what we were trying to PROVE!

Notice the... the elegance of the proof, it's beautiful!

It actually reminds me of a quote by Socrates,

"If measure and symmetry are absent from any composition in any degree,"

"the ruin awaits both the ingredients and the composition."

"Measure and symmetry are beauty and virtue the world over."

- He's cute, do you think he's straight? - Oh, yeah, he's too boring to be gay.

- Oh, is it 5:15? Is my watch correct? - Yes, it is.

Thank you.

I'm releasing you a half hour early today, I have a... a... an appointment.

I'm giving a lecture on my new book tonight, if you are interested, please see me.

Ah... okay... um.

Thank you.

Rose, get that mask off your face, it's been 15 minutes, it'll clog your pores.

We're going to be late, it's almost seven o'clock.

All right, all right.

Ah! You stupid bum! Three million dollars a year! For what? For what?

C'mon, c'mon, just one more out.

- Barry Neufeld. - Hi, Barry, it's Rose.

Hi, what... oh, no, not again?

I think it's an allergic reaction to something I ate, you know.

My throat's starting to close up.

Oh!!

It sounds like you're dying.

Rose, it's the third time this month, are you sure you're not allergic to me?

Barry, please don't think that, that's a terrible thing to think!

I'm going to be blacklisted at every restaurant in Manhattan for not keeping reservations.

Why don't you call me next week? Okay? If you still want to.

- Sure... feel better. - Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Do you think I should start with a joke?

Oh, oh, you're serious! No, I don't think so, there's not enough time.

- For what? - For you to develop a sense of humor.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the author of "Absolute Truth",

Columbia's very own Professor Gregory Larkin.

You're going to be fine.

Thank you, thank you very much, I'm honored by this warm and gracious welcome.

As I stand here at the end of a journey, I'm reminded of something Descartes once said...

"For whether I am awake or asleep, two and three will always make five,"

"the square can never have more than four sides,"

"and it does not seem possible that truths so clear and apparent"

"can be suspected of any uncertainty."

This book has taken me over 14 years to write.

And it not without a little sadness that

I say goodbye to it consuming my days and nights.

And nights.

And so...

as I stand here...

And so, in coming up... "summing" up...

Excuse me, I'm feeling a little dizzy.

I thought it would feel differently, I thought I would know more, I don't.

I don't know anything, really.

Thank you all for...

coming.

Oh, God, what did I say?

It was fine, although I'd think twice about doing volunteer work for a suicide hotline.

You were doing okay until Candice walked in.

Don't start, Henry, I just forgot to eat. You should never drink on an empty stomach.

Listen, it's perfectly natural, she left you, what, a year ago?

It's the stupid wine.

Thank God Candy left when she did, or I never would have finished the book.

Thank God Rebecca left, and Katherine, and Allison.

You're the only guy I know who can't have sex and chew gum at the same time.

- Why does everything have to be about sex? - Because everything is about sex.

Well, when I'm with someone, when I'm involved with them,

I tend to get a little sidetracked, that's all.

Greg, you call 14 years to write a book a little sidetracked?

I bet she's still out there.

If I know Candice, she's...

No, no, no, no, Henry.

She's out there, come on, face her like a grown-up, come on.

Do me a favor, Henry, don't let me go home with her, say we're going out to dinner.

We are, it may seem odd not to invite...

Please Henry, just don't let me go home with her.

All right, all right.

There you are, are you all right?

It was that stupid wine. Hello, Candice.

- Hi. - You look great.

Thanks, I hope you don't mind me showing up like this on your big night.

It's just... I've been thinking so much about you lately.

- Really? - Uh-huh.

- Do you want to go get a drink? - No, no, I'd better not.

- Wanna grab a bite to eat? - No, I'm not hungry.

- Do you want me to take you home? - Okay.

Good to see you, Henry.

- But Greg, you said... - Bye, Henry.

Can... Candy, don't... don't leave.

- That was great. - I thought you were going to stay.

- Well, we're done. Is my shoe there? - I still have feelings for you.

Greg, I dumped you for another man, how could you still have feelings for me?

- Besides, I'm still sort of with Paul. - I thought that was over.

Yeah, well, he was cheating on me,

I guess... I guess I just wanted to feel better about myself before I see him tomorrow night.

- That's why you're here? - Well, yeah.

Look, you were always such a nice guy, but let's face it,

we had nothing in common except sex, and the fact you idolize me.

I... I really do care for you... really.

These are by δΘΣτΘP⌠ß⌠Θ which is Greek to me.

- I just can't wind up with you. - Can I call you sometime?

What for?

Rose, you going or what?

No, I cancelled.

So, what do you want to do for dinner?

What?

Why don't you make that pasta with the artichokes?

Then maybe later we can figure out what to do with your hair for Claire's wedding.

What is this?

Look at this.

Escape!

I wish I could escape.

The mating ritual is both speedy and violent for these passionate insects.

The lesser male often covering the larger female.

If unsuccessful in mounting, the male mantis is often eaten by the females during copulation.

We're the girls of 1-400 Hot Talk.

Briana, Tina, Marla and me: Felicia.

Anything you want to talk about,

Call me! Call me! Call me!

1-400...

- I don't really know where to begin. - Are you lonely tonight, Darling?

Yeah.

So am l. What are you wearing?

Nothing special.

Felicia, can I ask you a question?

Wanna know what I'm wearing? Just a towel.

Ooh, I was drying myself off, after a hot shower when you called...

Felicia, Felicia, why do women leave?

What?

Why do women leave?

Especially beautiful women.

I can't go through this anymore.

Life is very complex. There are no guarantees.

Why should that be?

The mathematical world is completely rational.

Uncomplicated by sex.

- You think too much, Hon. - Felicia, I...

Don't you want to know how big my tits are?

No, no, I... I... I just want to share my life with someone.

Someone I'm not sexually attracted to.

What?

How can two people come together for what's a...

a lasting and substantial, mutual respect, genuine affection

in a world that's run by ad agencies selling great sex?

Take out your own ad, I guess.

An ad?

Look at me, I'm a grown woman wearing a prom dress.

You are not, you look adorable.

Adorable? I look like an over-the-hill Barbie doll. It doesn't fit right, too tight.

Too many Snoballs.

Why didn't you pick out something looser in my color?

Because maids of honor don't wear black.

Now, it would help if you fixed yourself up a little bit.

- Why don't you wear some make-up? - I AM wearing make-up.

Let's go.

And your hair looks good today, I like it, the curls work, why don't you get a perm?

I tried that once, I look like Shirley Temple on crack.

Where the hell is she? I'm going to kill her.

I knew she would pull something like this, she just can't stand the fact

that I'M the one getting all the attention today.

We should have had her COMMITTED when she turned 60.

Claire, you can't have someone committed for excessive vanity?

Thank you, Rose.

How wonderful to have two compassionate daughters.

I thought you were going to wear make-up today?

I am wearing make-up.

Well?

Oh, my God!

- What the hell are you wearing? - This happens to be an imitation Scassi.

You're the mother of the bride, not the opening ACT.

Fine! I'll go home and change.

Oh, stop it, we're late already, the priest is sweating.

All celibates sweat, Dear, if they didn't, they'd explode.

Come on, let's go.

I just went to buy myself a little snack.

I can't sit through this ganze megillah without eating something, I'll pass out.

- It'll only take 45 minutes. - It'll feel like 2 hours.

Not to mention that you're marrying outside your faith, and on the Sabbath.

Oh, Mother, the only thing you ever taught me

about the Sabbath is that Bergdorf’s wouldn't be as crowded.

Now, you listen to me!

Take it easy, Claire.

I want you to get out there and I want you to remember today is MY day.

And if you don't behave yourself, I'm gonna have your

birth certificate blown-up as a Christmas card.

I should have never encouraged you to speak.

Maybe she'll look back and turn into a pillar of salt.

Hannah looks pretty good for her age.

Alex looks nervous.

Oh, God, I hope I'm doing the right thing.

I think you are.

Ladies and gentlemen, the party is about to get started. The dance floor is all yours!

Okay, Girls, lick your lips, come in close, come in close, oh, yes, kiss me. Oh!

Sophia, tell Claire I'm looking for her.

Your husband's a lucky guy.

- Waiter! Can we have more dressing? - We were separated at birth.

Two more drinks, when you get a chance, please.

- That would be nice. - Okay, this looks delicious, I'm so happy.

And now, something a little romantic, for all the lovers tonight.

These are by δΘΣτΘP⌠ß⌠Θ which is Greek to me.